Gamer art for the ages

Our boys are 'gamers'.  They love video games, they love to talk about video games, and they love reading about video games.  This means that we have a lot of gaming magazines laying around the house.  I don't like clutter (though my house seems like it is getting more so with each passing month).  When the cringes started coming out at the mention of culling the magazine stash Chris had a great idea.  He thought the boys might be more willing to part with the magazines if they could hold on to some of the memories that came from them.  He had the boys cut out their favourite photos of games and meaningful gaming 'stuff' from the magazines to create a collage they could hang in their room.   He suggested this project months back.  Enthusiastic cutting ensued and then it sat and sat and sat in my living room just collecting dust.  Today I 'encouraged' them to finish up their project and here is their fantastic result.

Cut cut cut the pictures out

Cheap poster frame with mat

Arrange first layer and then add more important pictures into top layers.  Make sure to have some pictures overlap the mat for more dimension

Finished product ready to hang

More than one way to get to 4

2 + 2 = 4......... simple right? 
The boys overheard a conversation between adults regarding the teaching of music.  Actually they heard a conversation about a conversation.  One professional believed there were certain criteria that needed to be met to teach music properly.  More specifically he felt that in his business he wanted music taught one way. I presume a classical method though I am not familiar enough with how that works to say for sure.  I do know that it was a structured method.  In wanting his business to be run a specific way he chose to end a partnership with another teacher who used a different approach.  In this professional's explanation he stated that 2 + 2 = 4;  it cannot be anything else and it could not be argued. In essence he may have been saying that to teach music is methodical not liberal. Obviously or hopefully the professional understands there is more than one way but is arguing his desire for the one way to be taught in his school. It was not long or particularly heated discussion in fact I really didn't think the boys were listening.

Fast forward a day or so and the boys come to me after obviously having discussed something that bothered them.  They approached me asking if I remember the conversation and begin to offer their views which go as such:

"Mom, remember the thing about 2 + 2 = 4 and how there is only one way to teach music, well 2 + 2 = 4 but so does 1 + 3 and 4 + 0 and even 6 - 2."  I smiled (beamed would be a more accurate description) and agreed they made an interesting argument.  To take that further (2 + 2) = (1  + 3) or (2 + 2) = (6 - 2) which all equal 4 but approached in different ways.

I am grateful for the mentors who see beyond 2 + 2 = 4.  Thank you for your passion and creativity and inspiration.

Nature at our door step

Summer's finds are knocking at our front door.  

Chris found this moth in our drive way trying to survive (or as we have learned in doing some research, finishing his life cycle).  He picked it up and put it on the porch thinking it may just needed safe place to rest for a bit.  A few days later the moth was dead with its wings spread wide open in perfect condition.  What a beautiful gift it left for us.  I was lucky enough to have a shadow box frame available for the boys to pin the moth and hang for us to appreciate.

A sparrow also kindly built it's nest in our ornamental weeping willow right off our porch.  The boys were able to get up close to see the wee baby and unhatched egg that occupied it.  One day while they were watching quietly the baby bird jumped out of its nest and hit the ground. They were mortified, deciding to help it back up into its safe home.  Within moments the baby bird jumped out again.  Worried that it would be eaten by our porch snake or the neighbours cat Liam kept putting the wee thing back in its nest.  Finally I suggested that maybe the bird was tyring to learn to leave its nest. With reluctance they let it be.  Shortly the wee bird was at the end of our drive way a good 75 feet away hopping around trying to find its 'wings'.  What an amazing experience to have been blessed to see.

What is in a name?

Liam approached me a few weeks back with an interest in changing his name.  Yep his first name, the one we gave him with much thought and debate.  Chris and I have two of the most common names of the 70s.  I didn't go a single year in school without another Jennifer in my class and usually there were at least 4 of us.  In choosing our children's names we decided to go less common. Seamus is not too different but certainly he is not likely to meet too many in his life, Eoin is a pretty common name with a less common spelling.  The name Liam though has become quite popular and if he were in school he would no doubt be the one of a few "Liams".  His issue though is not that his name is too common or not common enough but because he likes the other name better. 

What name does he want, you ask?  He would like to use the name William. Wait let me rewrite that in case you miss it, Wil-LIAM. I am not sure how putting the "Wil" infront of "Liam" makes it better but he feels that it suits his personality better.  Maybe it sounds older to him?  Being older is something that has been his focus since he was wee.  We used to joke that we had a 2 year old teenager.  Liam has always wanted to be beyond his years.  William definitely sound 'older' than Liam. 

So what do you do when your child wants a different name? ...........Are you waiting for an answer?  No that was a question, I am asking you!  What do you do when your child wants to change his name?  I can't figure it out.

Chris has tried this past week to fill Liam's request and has called him "William" a number of times.  It just sounds weird. I have tried but goodness I can't say it feels right.  We have done a lot of talking about what a name means over the past couple years in terms of adoption and how important birth or given names are to a child's identity and here our child by birth is wanting to shed the name we gave him and identify with something else.  

I am pretty sure it won't last long but we are doing our best to help him try it on for a while. If he had asked us to call him "George" or "Dustin" or anything other than a longer form of his given name we would have balked a bit more about the name change no doubt.  I think it is time though to pull out a book that we have called "Josephina Hates Her Name" by Diana Engel.  Maybe together we can figure out what's in a name.

A small issue of trust

Trust has to be earned.  This, I am re-learning.

When my boys were born we met their needs through touch, nutrition, nurturing, and providing a safe environment.  In fact we took that job pretty seriously and chose a parenting path in which trust was fundamental.  If our babies cried we picked them up, if they cued me I fed them.  They often didn't have to ask twice when they were wee.  Most times they didn't even have to ask as we were already meeting the needs in anticipation.    As they grew their trust in our care developed so that when we couldn't meet their needs immediately they believed in us, we were their rock and they knew that we would not let them down.  

Through the years I have taken those early steps for granted.   For me being mother means being 'the stuff', the go to girl, the name up in lights, star of the show.  The crowd chants my name every night wanting encores.    Even if I had made different early choices as a parent the biology alone would have created some level of connection and trust. I would have had to work at creating a distrust with the boys.

Most recently I am learning what it feels like to nurture a child who does not have that trust in me.   I have nurtured many children before her, my career path pre-parenthood was in early childhood development. The nature of the job required me to care for children 8+ hours a day 5 or more days a week.  Those children always had parents or caregivers to go home to, the people that they trusted.  I am sure I developed a trust with those children but it is not the same as being a mother.

I am becoming 'mother', interim or otherwise, to a child that has yet to develop that trust in me. I haven't earned it yet.  I can't pick her up and put her to breast when she is sad, hungry, hurt, tired.  We can't share our bed with her to let her know that we are there both day and night. Even if I could the trust that goes along with that wouldn't be there right away.  Being good at motherhood doesn't mean anything to her...........yet.  The skills I have gathered over almost the last decade and a half do not apply, or at the very least don't matter to her in terms of her trusting me now.  Those skills may get us there one day but I can't even say that will be soon. 

On top of  parenting a child who doesn't fully trust me I will be parenting the child who is grieving the loss of her first foster parents.  This is not a simple loss for her but a deep one.  My heart breaks for her loss and theirs.  Even though we went into this process 'knowing' it was one that was filled with loss and grieving it doesn't make it easier to bear. 

I am willing to be patient.  I will share what she will accept when she is ready and believe that the patience will pay off in trust.  The trust will be earned just as it was with my boys, we will just have to follow a different path. 

Revision requested!

A couple months back I wrote about spanking.   My mother has read the blog and would like the clarification made that I was only spanked once in my life.    I would like to add that she does not support spanking (particularly of her grandchildren).  I can understand her desire for that information to be correct. It was information about her parenting and her life so I have the responsibility to recount the story properly.  I do only remember one spanking.  

In effect it also makes my point.  It could be said that I wasn't "spanked" but was only spanked once and I turned out FANTASTIC!  I am a law abiding, functioning member of this society. I volunteer, I donate to charity (well I donate a portion of my husband's income), I say please and thank you, I get up from my seat to give it to others, I give that smile to the parent who has the tempering toddler when they just need someone to understand, I bag my own groceries, I have worked with children and the elderly.......okay it could certainly get old.  Point being I turned out just fine without being spanked.

Thank you mom for being the parent you were and still are.

Life is changing

"one minute I am playing a video game and the next I am sitting on the couch and my life has completely changed".  Okay not my words but ones that ring so very true to our lives.  Little "O" said this comment moments after learning that we were the chosen foster family for a wee girl.

Our lives have been just a tiny bit overwhelmed the past couple of months.  It started with a phone call at the end of March and has progressed to transitioning her into our home.   She will become a part of our lives full time mid June.   What a beautiful child she is.  Of course we think she is cute but it is more than that.  She is a lovely little person and we adore spending time with her. 

And that is all you get.........   I have a personal blog on the go documenting our feelings and experiences through this process but given the need for extreme privacy in the lives of the people involved I don't get to share publicly. 

Dollhouse

Chris took the two boys to music lessons today leaving Seamus and I home for a couple of hours.  During their absence we found an activity that we thought we would try.  Honestly I don't know where it all started but when he googled "star wars crafts" we found a bunch of different homemade plush toys and ideas sprang from there.  Seamus was so excited and "filled with ideas" (his words) that he was almost buzzing.  The moment the boys walked in the door they were directed to his project of the day.  Eoin chose not to participate....but he did 'write' some of his story on the laptop and draw up some new characters.

Here is a pictorial journal of our late afternoon activities:

Collecting the supplies

The free form pattern we made up

Tracing the pattern in his new 'birthday' cap

Cutting out the pattern

My little tailor

Liam working on the eyes

Seamus finishes sew the outline together

Eoin working on his epic novel

Seamus just took charge and did it all on his own 

Jenn's, Seamus', Liam's

A close up of the pinched elf ear that Seamus figured out how to do.  

Right way to hit?

Spanking

   

That word alone raises the hackles of parents everywhere.  Be it through their strong feelings toward their right to discipline their child as they see necessary or because they feel spanking removes the right of the child to be protected both mind and body.  Often it induces the comment "I was hit and I turned out okay".   

Well, I was spanked and I turned out okay.  But my children will not know the hand of their parent.  From neither Chris nor I.  I didn't turn out okay because I was spanked. I turned out okay inspite the fact that I was spanked.  

On facebook today a highschool acquaintance posted "spanking is NOT abuse if it is done RIGHT".  I don't usually comment but the child advocate in me couldn't hold back.   Firstly don't put things on facebook and expect people not to comment. If you put it out there publicly there are people who will not agree with you.  Second why put out such a strong long debated statement if not for reactions?

Interestingly, at least for me, only moments before I had been thinking on what topic I may want to blog about and spanking was on my list.  

I am firmly of the belief that no child should be hit....ever.  Not even when they run out in the road and the caregiver needs them to know how frightened they are.....a situation suggested by another facebooker where they felt spanking may be warranted.  The same person suggested that if we don't hit children now then they will learn how it feels to be hit in jail......however I am pretty sure many inmates were hit as children like the majority of us.  Back to the running into the street situation: How does hitting a child when they have almost been hit by a car come close to sending the message to the child that their life mean so much to you?  Your body language, your fear, the look in your eyes, the depth of the hug you give them afterward will tell them enough that it was dangerous. They will feel your terror and know. Hitting them will tell them that you are not a safe place to come to. I have had a toddler run out into the road, very narrowly miss being hit by the car, I did not hit him.  He felt the impact though, of my worry, of my love, of my concern.  I was sure to make certain to watch him more carefully while he learned about our fast moving world.  

Sadly corporal punishment is a part of our criminal code. It is allowable by law to spank a child and the fact that it is part of our criminal code is used to defend it. Spanking law Section s43 of the Criminal Code . You cannot stop there though. If you read further into the law there are parameters.  Did you know that you cannot hit a child under two or over 12?  That is must be done as "by way of correction" and that the use of force must be sober and reasoned.  How many parents spank when they are feeling restrained and sober.  How often does it happen after you have let go of the anger at the recent dissent you have experienced from the child? The child must also have the capacity to understand and benefit from the correction.  Thus you may not under the criminal code smack 1 year on the hand for touching the light socket.

Coming from the information on spanking from our Parliament,  "the force must be transitory and trifling, must not harm or degrade the child, and must not be based on the gravity of the wrongdoing."  How does hitting ever not degrade a child?  To the comment from the facebooker, I propose this statement not far from her own "hitting a woman is not abuse, if it is done right".  Appalling right?  So why do we think it is okay when we hit a child 'right'?  

When this law was put to question in 2004 the government unfortunately chose not to change it, but it is curious to note that they felt it necessary to remove the wording that allowed rights of a master to use force on an apprentice to correct them.  Why, probably because it would be abusive and infringe on the rights of the person, the grown person specifically.

Parenting without hitting can actually be harder.  It is not always easy to employ the methods that require thinking rather than action.  It can become second nature and it gets easier as you grow in your parenting.  Not hitting does not equal no guidance.  It probably takes more guidance to parent without hitting.  

Want to know about how to parent without hitting?  here are some great resources

Internet and book resources

Alfie Kohn Unconditional Parenting

Without Spanking or Spoiling

Kids, Parents and Power Struggles

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Natural Child Project

Dr Sears

Custom War Hammer 40K figure: guest post Liam

WAR HAMMER 40K OUT OF APOXIE AND MEGA BLOCKS

I got some money for my birthday.  I waited until we went to Kitchener to an art shop, Curry's Art Store if you want specifics.  I bought some Apoxie Sculpt and then after we got home I waited a bit, a day or so, then we went to Walmart and I bought a Dragons Universe figure. It also comes with a flying bike thingy. I used the bike to play around with because my other  one got broken :( .

Here is what I did with all that stuff:

Apoxie Sculpt is a two part modeling compound.  It is mixed 50/50.

After you get that figure and the Apoxie you start to sculpt around the figure. You can use disposable gloves if you want but the Apoxie doesn't do any thing, it just makes your hands waxy.  Then you sculpt the helmet around the head that is on the figure, and then you sculpt the pauldrons (pauldrons are basically shoulder pads).  Oh and make some weapons.   Then you wait approximately 24 hours, and then you paint it.  It will dry in 3 or 4 minutes. And then he is ready to fight the demons of hell. :3

the finished figure

side view

yet another side view

back view

work in progress

my first quiche:guest post by Seamus

The other day while grocery shopping I saw a box of quiche.  I have always wanted to try a quiche, so I asked my mother if she knew how to make one.  She didn't. I looked it up (see Link)mini quiche. I modified the recipe a bit by using frozen tart shells instead of bread.  They turned out very well.  This is the first recipe that I have made completely alone from beginning to end.  My brother Eoin enjoyed it, and my father too but my brother Liam and my mother wouldn't try them.  They hate eggs.  :p

Good mother

Today in front of a bunch of women I made the claim that I was a damn good mother.  Said for effect, sure, however I believe it with all my heart.  I am.

I am a good mother because I try. I try to find new ways or use the old ways that work. I try to be better, not just as a mother but as a wife and person. I don't do everything right, I don't do much right sometimes. So what makes me a good mother? I recognize that I am not going to do it all right, then I work at finding ways to not make the same mistakes.  I am a thinking mother.

Motherhood is what I have chosen as my career.  I made the conscious choice to make this my job and I love my job.  It is not all that I am but it certainly takes a big portion of my day, of my thoughts.   I take my job home with me at night ; D.

I am good at my job. It is a job though where my competence doesn't always make the difference I would like it to. From watching other damn good mothers I have learned that good mothering does not guarantee outcomes.  I have seen damn good mothers cry as their teen or adult children struggle through trauma, through drug addiction, through depression.   Our children grow and their experiences soon are out of our hands.  Our children grow and what they do with their lives eventually is up to them. We can only control our choices.  And then we can only hope that those choices help make our children's lives easier.

Each mother has her style.  Too often we don't recognize that there is more than one way.  We need to celebrate the differences; learn from one another.    Mothering, good mothering in my opinion, takes courage.  To mother well a woman needs to be thoughtful.  A mother needs to be fearless and protective.  A mother needs to be cautious and trusting.  A mother needs to feel valued and KNOW her value.

Are you a damn good mother?



  

Cake time

Liam's 11th Birthday cake

the simple things

20 things that bring me joy.......... a non comprehensive and not necessarily prioritized list:

1. Waking up next to the man of my dreams each morning
2. ...and then turning to see one of our little men crawling in for a cuddle
3. The smiles that go beyond the lips and reach deep into the boys' eyes.
4. Watching them create, paint, draw.....all of them in their own way, including the man of my dreams
5. A good hair day......don't judge.... I like my hair
6. Watching Willow roll in the snow like she would never want to be anywhere else
7. The freckles on our wee-est one's nose
8. The deep dark stare of our second oldest wee one
9.  Knowing that our oldest little man only has 1/2 and inch to go before he is taller than his mom
10. Belly laughs from the boys' room...even if it is at midnight
11. Seeing a mother wear her baby
12. Organization
13. Our yard
14. A freshly renovated room
15. Firsts (first word, first smile, first kiss, first snow, first warm day.........)
16. My husband coming in from work, safe and sound
17. The hugs I get when he comes home from work (even if I am trying to cook dinner)
18. Dancing in my living room
19. Windsor style Pizza
20. Remembering my birth stories

Nighty-night

Bedtime.  UGH! I hate the sleep topic.  I hate it because it is one of those parenting affairs that is surrounded by strong opinions that come from everyone from your local grocer to your dog groomer.  What is the questions parents get most?  "Is she sleeping through the night".  So what do parents think about most?  "Is she sleeping through the night.

Sleep training, cry it out, gentle sleep solutions.......Sleep solutions?  Sleep or lack there of during the years that we parent is not something that needs to be solved. It is what it is.  Babies wake frequently, get over it!!!  Yep that was harsh. 

What I really mean is....this too shall pass.  Many mothers find that they will get sleep again.  Infact many mothers of infants find they get sleep just fine when they follow their instincts and the practice of many many mothers before them, tending to their babies at night. Sleep 'problems' are not even a universal world wide parenting issue.   There are cultures that would look at a North American parent sideways with mention of sleep deprivation.  Baby sleep patterns: A guide for the science-minded parent by Gwen Dewar PhD lists other cultures where babies are not expected to have solitary sleep and discusses the myth of 'sleeping through the night'.

Jan Hunt of The Natural Child Project has compiled a wonderful list of sleep articles by numerous authors including James J McKenna of the Mother-Baby Behavioural Sleep institute.  James J McKenna has been instrumental in ongoing sleep studies for mothers and babies as well as advocating for safe sleep recommendations.

So when you are tired and awake because you are waiting for your baby to fall asleep in the next room. Peruse a few of these interesting resources you may be surprised by what you find.

Music to my ears

Practice, practice, practice....makes perfect.  When it comes to music lessons practicing is expected to be the largest part of the experience. Two of the boys take guitar lessons. One has been involved for two years and the other since this past September.   They love going to their lesson each week. They love showing any guests we have their new mad skills.  They do not love practicing.  It is a chore.   It takes longer to convince them that it is time to practice than the actual amount of practicing that goes on. 

From the outset I did not want to be the practice police.  I don't want to set up unnecessary battles, they seem to surface just fine on their own.  For the first while I suggested practicing, encouraged it even but I refused to fight over it.  My thoughts were that I was providing the opportunity and it was up to them to do with it what they would. 

I am certain to hear the argument that they don't know how grateful they will be to have the musical skill set later on.  Maybe some feel that children have to do things in life that they don't enjoy so now is the time for them to get used to it. I have definitely heard that without the practice they will not see progress and it will be discouraging.  I am not going to discount any of those points and have even had them cross my own mind a time or two.

I see it differently.  With enforced practice they could and most likely would get better at it.  Will they really come to love music?  Maybe.  I don't think the love of music will come because of the enforcement but rather inspite of it.   I value the arts and very much value the skill set that comes with musical knowledge.  I love to hear the boys playing the few songs they do know.  It is music to my ears.  I want them to practice.  I want them to practice.  Let's be real, it is not my desire that will put a love of an instrument in their heart. In fact letting my desire for them to excel at music be known could have the opposite effect.  I am not going to lie, I do want them to excel at music.  I just don't want that as much as I want them to want to enjoy music.  So I don't make them practice.  I drive them each week and we are happy to pay each week.  Well I am not happy about it but I certainly feel that their music instructor's time and energy is valuable and we are willing to pay.

Recently I began to sense that the instructor was feeling frustrated with the lack of progress.   I allowed myself to feed off that energy and began to feel stress around the issue, so much so that I began to wonder if we were wasting his time. That set me wondering if the $40 each week that came out of our pockets was just burned money.  In a time of frustration I told the boys that if they were not interested in taking the lessons seriously then we were not interested in continuing to pay for the lessons.  They were not happy to say the least and there were some tears.  There was an increase in practices by one child and the other just basically thought "why does it matter now? I am not getting to go anymore anyway" and chose not to practice.  I didn't feel good about either outcome. One child gave up and the other was bullied into practicing.

"Take the lessons more seriously?"  Yes I actually said that despite my previous feelings of letting their love grow intrinsically.  What indication had they given me that they were not taking it seriously?  They got ready each week, they never complained about getting ready to go and make the 1/2 hour drive back and forth.  They sat quietly and worked on various drawing projects while one was in the lesson  What I should have done was talk things over with the instructor sooner. Nothing they did said they didn't take the lessons seriously. 

Today I sat down with their instructor and we worked some things out.  Turned out that there is outside pressure on him to have measurable progress in his students.  We talked about what we wanted out of the time they spend with him and discussed the idea that success and progress measurement can be subjective.  To one it may be that the specific musical skill grows, to another it may be that the love of music grows or a sense of individuality and self expression through musical pursuits.  In talking I think we are back on the same page.   The boys really like this guy and Chris and I appreciate what he brings to their lives.   They are being exposed to a young man, who is positive, up beat, friendly, approachable, talented, and artistic.  We have chosen him to mentor our boys in music.  If they come away from it being able to play guitar, or drums or piano great, if they come away from it feeling good about themselves, appreciating the relationship they have developed with their instructor and a deeper sense of self through music then FANTASTIC!  That is music to my ears!

Sick and the City

Hitting the big city means theatre plays, coffee houses, art galleries, subway rides, street artists...........or staying way laid up in a hotel room (a very tiny hotel room) with three very sick kids.  Maybe we should have stayed home?

No.  What could we have done differently at home, but stay in our regular beds, in our regular surroundings being sick.  The visit to this metropolis makes the sick experience more exciting, more urban.  That and it really is nice to have my husband come in from his training course and give us an empathetic smile during his breaks.  At home I would have been by myself in the house for 3 days with 3 coughing, fevered children and two big dogs (ours and the extra one next door that we would be dog sitting).

We did get out some yesterday to ride the subway, visit with my cousin, go to a bookstore, eat our favourite burritos at Chipolte Mexican Grill but it was pretty apparent that the boys really just needed to be under the covers and resting their poor heads.  So much for utilizing this opportunity to expose them to the culture and arts this trip was going to include.  They have been on the bed most of the time sleeping or playing their hand held video games or watching the tv (thank goodness they like reno shows :D)

Although........my cousin does have his own hip hop/rap recording company so they were exposed to people that deal in the arts and there is no way to avoid the culture of our province's capital when you are out and about and riding the subway.  Not a complete bust.  If we can only make to Potted Potter tonight it may even be considered a success.

How I learned to read: An interview

After reading this post by Dr Peter Gray I was curious how the boys saw their own experiences with reading
**I tried to be objective by writing down their answers exactly as they spoke them.  My questions or further inquiry is in italic.  

When do you think you learned to read?

SEAMUS
"Like full on read? I believe it was around when I was 9.  That is when I started reading novels not just books. "
What do you mean by "not just books? "
"Just books that are thin"

LIAM
"Probably 4 or 5"
.I wasn't aware you could read at that age.  When do you think you let people know you could read?
"Probably 8."
What made you keep that a secret from people?
"I didn't think I was good enough quite yet."

EOIN
"Probably when I was 8. I am still not as good as I would like to be"

What motivated you to read?
SEAMUS
"The requirment that it has in life and I really enjoy it."

LIAM
"I just wanted to start reading."

EOIN
"Wanting to read.  I would like to know what is happening in a book. And I would also like to know what people are saying in video games if it is just spelled for you. And sometimes in movies they are speaking a different language and spell it on the screen. "

Did you ever feel pressure to learn to read?
SEAMUS
"No"

LIAM
"A little "
Where did you feel the pressure came from?
"From myself"

EOIN
"no never"

How would you describe how you learned to read?

SEAMUS
"You read to me when I was little. I eventually picked up a book on my own, asked for help, was able to to do it alone, then I picked up bigger books. I kept getting bigger books until I got where I am today."

LIAM
"I just started to try. I started to sound out words." 

EOIN
"By practicing.  By looking at the words and trying to sound them out. 

What do you like to read?

SEAMUS
"Fantasy, mostly fictional books, Sci fi.  I don't know about the book I am reading, what category the book I am reading right now would be." 

LIAM
"Graphic novels and stuff"

EOIN
"I like to read graphic novels and manga books and such.  I also  like listening to books on cd."

Were there any books that you felt helped you with reading more than others?


SEAMUS
"The Jack Sparrow kid's series.  They were easy to read but they were more of a reading book than the other books I read.  They were the same size but more like mini novels.  The Baby Blues comic strip books helped with reading but not necessarily with reading novels because they are comic strips, and novels and comic strips are different.  One is just a sereis of short, small little clips of pictures and some words, and novels they tell a story whereas comic strips have a bunch of different stories that are sometimes connected." 

LIAM
"Not really I just started reading one book after another"

EOIN
"Not really.  Well some of the Graphic Novels that my brothers have been reading have made me want to know what is happening because sometimes they don't tell me."

Do you feel reading is something you were taught to do?

SEAMUS
"No. I learned to read on my own. I had help but I wasn't taught. "

LIAM
"I guess.  It was kind of self taught actually."

EOIN 
Probably self taught because even now I sit down with a book and tried to read what I can.

Do you think you would have learned earlier if you were taught?

SEAMUS
"No I think I would have lost interest.  Being taught and learning yourself are two different things.  Learning yourself you can control how much you do it and freely learn and have fun with it.  Whereas being taught you are told to read a book and it is just not as fun really."

LIAM
"Not really"

EOIN
"Maybe I don't know. "

How did learning to read make a difference for you?

SEAMUS
*laughs*  "I don't really know.  It's just, well it helps be able to read because you are stuck in life if you can't read.  For one thing there is the factor that a lot of video games have an only reading system instead of voices telling you what to do.  And then there is also that it is a really good pastime and a lot of things in life require you to read, emailing , getting a job *laugh*. Even in drawing you need to read some things.  So the ablitiy to read has had a lot of influence on my life."

LIAM
"It helped pass time faster. Plus it is kinda fun.  It is alot easier to go on the computer, play games on my own."

EOIN
Being able to read and look in a book and actually understand what is going on.  Just being able to read things that are on billboards, signs, pictures makes things much easier

Adversaries or Allies?

“Most of us are tactful enough with other adults not to point out their errors but not many of us are ready to extend this courtesy to children.” ~ John Holt

Powerful message. 

John Holt during his life wrote a number of published books and spoke to many about education and learning.  It was his book Teach Your Own which shaped some of my first ideas on how I would want to support the education of my children. 

There is this conception that parent child relationships are antagonistic, an us -vs- them mentality.  Lately I have been discussing with the boys how media portrays the idea it is normal for siblings or kids and parents to be pitted against each other.    Where does it come from?  Do we have to be that way?  Naturally anytime you spend a lot of time with someone there will be friction but in healthy relationships it is not what defines the dynamic.  In thinking on this, the idea extends even to parents and infants. There is a battle for control between parent and toddler or a belief that to pick up a baby is allowing them to manipulate.  So it goes beyond just the regular irritations that comes with frequent togetherness.  It seems to be ingrained in our culture.

Adversaries are not often courteous toward one another.  We are quick to point out the faults of those we consider to be our opposition.  It is hard to be kind and thoughtful, understanding and patient with adversaries.  Parents are set up to fail at being respectful to their children and thus children are expected to show respect when they are not afforded the same.

This particular quote struck me as profound.  For me parenting and home educating the boys is synonymous or at least parallel. I want to be a great parent! I want to give my children the space to figure out their own errors.  I don't necessarily want them to think "Yeah my mom is awesome and let's me do whatever I want".   That would not make me a great parent.  No doubt there will be times when they will say "you are soooo unfair" but I hope those times will, years later, become "thank you for looking out for us when it mattered : D.  I do want them to say that they felt respected, listened to, valued.

Flipping the switch: Leaving the schooled frame of mind behind

Here we go again..... I have my moments where I think for sure I have made the wrong decision. "I should have put them in school from the beginning", "I have failed them", the negative self doubt can go on and on.  Today was one of those moments.  They last only briefly, and oddly seem to happen on a 'cycle'. But of course not everything can be blamed on this coincidental 'cycle'.   Each time I have these moments of doubt something happens that reminds me of why we chose this life.  It can be a quote (thanks Stef), or a exciting discovery the boys make, or it can be my husband telling me how grateful he is that I do what I do.

Our journey is our own, like many aspects of our parenting style.  We have chosen a less travelled path and therefore have a lonelier road.  I don't feel others should follow this path, although it would certainly be less lonely if we knew more families who did.  It is important that a family make decisions for their own based on what is best for the whole, not to make decisions based on what everyone else is doing or ignoring the facts because the facts make them uncomfortable, but to make decisions for their family eyes wide open.  I believe it is important to know why you are doing things, the possible consequences, the possible joys and to go forth with that information with a sense of confidence.  You may falter, loose that sense of surety for while, you may even change your mind.

I have taken to not using the term unschooling as what we do is not really related to school at all.  I have used it to describe our learning choices.  I also use the words "school" or "schoolish stuff" to make what we might be doing more relate-able in my blog.   My biggest struggle with our choice in educating our children is me. I am my own thorn in my side.  It is when I see our lives in relation to my 'schooled' way of thinking that I allow doubt to creep back in. 

I need to deschool myself.  I need to get out of the mind set that school is the base line for normal.  You may not like the term deschool, it might rub you the wrong way or feel offensive and oppositional to schooling.  Here is why I feel it is not.  School is an institution, home is something entirely different.  They are not even close to the same.  I intend to educate my children, schools are in place with the intention to educate children but the process of education does not in anyway need to be the same. I would go as far to say it shouldn't be the same. School is a place, it is not a state of being, it is not a process.  It is a place, a location where set rules are put into practice to facilitate their objectives.   I grew up like most everyone else learning in an environment where those rules guided my childhood years.  That is my frame of reference for education.  Until our journey into home education I have only experienced education as it is done in a school setting*****I have only acknowledged education as it is done in a school setting as I have experienced education everywhere.   My children do not have that frame of reference.  I am the one that needs to turn the switch and deschool my brain to best meet our family's needs and education at home.  The rules and schedules set out in a school simply do not apply.  Now, that is easier said than done.  Want to sit back and watch me try?  Want to join me?

Reading into the future

I am slow on the technology front. I don't have a cell phone....well I don't have a good cell phone. I have one that is for emergencies only that I add time to every so often, but it doesn't text, send pictures, twitter, facebook and all the other fun things.  I am sure it can do those things but I wouldn't know where to begin. To be honest, here in our tiny town it is cheaper to pop into Sobey's and pay 25 cents to use the pay phone.

But I am making a technological leap, I am almost ready to move into the e-reading era. What? That was yesterday's news?  Oh well call me resistant to change.  I am fearful of making the commitment. I don't like the idea of spending almost the same amount on a digital copy of a book.  If I am buying a book, and we buy MANY books I think I would like it in hand.  I don't however have much more room for books without fear of our library becoming simply a pile of books.

Any die hard book lovers make the switch?  Was it hard, do you love it? Hate it?

HAPPY HEARTS

Some of our happy hearts to celebrate today.  Made with love.  It is not always easy to get three boys sitting down to craft.  Crafting of course for my frame of reference because they 'craft' on a daily basis if you include painting gruesome Warhammer men or designing things with missing limbs.



Clockwise from the right (yellow heart)  Liam, Seamus, Jenn, Eoin



Empty arms

Why am I a so sad that I don't have a wee babe in my arms right now?  This is not me. I have never been the person to crave holding other people's babies. Don't get me wrong, I love ALL your babies but what warms my heart is seeing you all wear or hold them yourselves, where they belong. 

So why am I feeling the emptiness of these arms today so strongly?  This baby deserves to be in the arms of its own mother as well as any other baby but the baby also deserves to be in safe arms and if it can't be its own mother then let it be someone who can be there for baby.

We would have been the temporary caregivers to these tiny children with only a chance that they would become part of our permanent family, yet my arms still feel empty.  Very empty.

Mores.....

Apparently my foreshadowing is spot on.  This journey could get more difficult, include more tears, contain more frustrations, be more confusing and so many other 'mores'.

After all the patience and stagnation we got a call on Friday afternoon. Yes that kind of call.  CAS was wondering if we would be interested in fostering 3 small children (very very small, like bring my slings out of retirement because they would be put to use small). The placement would need to happen immediately, preferable that day but by Sunday at the latest. It was a whirlwind afternoon filled with anxious pacing, lots of consideration, wide eyes and deep breaths.  My poor husband when I called him at work to give him the head's up, I know that was the last thing he figured I would call him about.  There were so many questions and things that would need to be done!   We don't have a crib, car seats, bottles, diapers and all the other things that go along with caring for wee ones who are not my own....... since bottles would not be necessary otherwise, or a crib for that matter.e

And here is where all the "mores" comes in.  With much consideration....as much as we could be allowed in the matter of a couple hours because that is all we had....we declined as the situation stands now. So we can add more second guessing, more uncertainty, more regret, more, more, more, more.....

Letting down the guarding

How goes the adoption plans? 

Stagnant......but I am a patient person (cough cough) so all is well.  The Disney trip was a wonderful distraction from it all. I think it only crossed my mind once a day while we were away.  There may have even been a day or two when I was so busy planning that it may have skipped a day.

Quite atypical of me, I have guarded this journey close.  Not because I am not willing to share, I am usually more than willing to be the open book.  This has felt different than anything we have ever done.  I shared my pregnancies with the world after the first sign of the second pink line. With this I am not sure who or how or what to share.

We have "applied" to gather more information on adopting a few sibling groups.  It is a weird process.  None have gone further than our expression of interest.   This winter though we were informed that we had been shortlisted for a sibling group.  It was a surprise to us as we knew there had been over 20 families who also expressed an interest at the same time. I would love to say that we are now sitting on the edge of seats waiting for the call that says we might become parents again however it wasn't quite so exciting. We found out at the same time that were not chosen to move forward.  Before you get all in a tizzy though, waving your hands about in discontent and yelling 'but they are wonderful parents who in their right mind WOULDN'T choose them".  There are a lot of fantastic families out there hoping to grow through adoption.  I am sure that we were just as 'good' as the families that were chosen but they have to choose someone.  I cannot fathom what goes into picking a family for children.  The social workers who have to put the future of these children in their own hands must be very strong.  The children who have gone through the system and the traumas even stronger.

It was hard.  Knowing we were almost picked was a tiny teeny weeny consolation but it was still hard.  I am sure there will be more hard times in this journey, more tears, more frustrations, more confusion.  It isn't over yet.  To grieve the possibility of becoming parents to children that you know little about other than a photo and a blurb is strange.  On one hand there is nothing specific to grieve and on the other in order to move forward and express the interest you have to imagine what your family and life would look like with these particular children.  You have to allow yourself to dream about it, wonder about it and then you have to allow yourself to grieve it when it doesn't work out.

I get knocked down...but I get up again

I have been spent since the return from the BIG vacation.  Knocked on my posterior kind of spent.  Tomorrow though I am determined to pick myself up and get back to motivation.   I have big plans for the house cleaning, bigger plans for school stuff and I may even take some time to write a bit and read.  Since coming home the television set has been turned on way too much.....we rarely have it on here but I have spent way too much time watching Property Brothers over the past few days.....plus it is dangerous when I start to get reno ideas.  So good bye Jonathan and Drew, it has been nice but the new glass tile back splash is just going to have to wait.

It will all have to start with getting up at a decent hour....so someone....anyone can feel free to call me to make sure I am up.  I am not so good at the early thing now that the boys are old enough that they want to sleep in.  It will require patience because no matter how awesome my boys are they still put up a bit of a wiggle when we do stuff they perceive as 'schoolish'.  It will require setting priorities and making sure that I don't get caught up in the tidy part before I do the school part.  For some reason I struggle with wrapping my brain around doing stuff with them when the house is not ordered the way I like it or can tolerate it.  It will require confidence because believe it or not I still worry about whether the boys are getting enough from being home.   Weird huh?  I just exude confidence so I know that is a hard one for you to believe.

I am going to give it my all tomorrow and give them my all tomorrow.  Life, I have re-realized this week can be sadly cut too short to let it slip away.  

We're back

11 days.... 6 parks.....10 throbbing feet.....

What a vacation!  The weather cooperated beautifully, we had a surprise visit from my parents for a couple of days, and we experienced everything we wanted to at Disney and Universal Studios....in fact I think we are Disney'd out..... sorry Disney Fans!  Really we are Disney'd out.  We had a great time but I don't see going back any time soon.

We rode the Tower of Terror over and over and over again....it never gets old...I could do that all day.  We sopped ourselves on the Popeye's BilgeRat Barges....best water raft ride EVER!  We had a delicious fresh meal at Mythos...so yummy...Universal definitely out does Disney on food.  We walked through Harry Potter's Hogsmeade time and time again, what a beautiful and magical place.  The boys played in an over sized playground at Honey I shrunk the Kids, we laughed our heads off at Monster's Inc Laugh floor and walked through the Tree of Life in awe of the beautiful carvings.  We experienced so many things in our time in Orlando and will remember it all fondly...except the blisters and sore feet and.....well maybe even those because we did it together.



Now I to subject you all to a small photo capture of our adventure.....

First stop Wizarding World of Harry Potter where the butter beer is delicious and on tap.

Hogwarts (Forbidden Journey ride...could of used the motion sickness bands on this one)

Eoin finds his wand at Olivander's....he was picked as part of the show and put on quite a show himself for Olivander.

One of my favourite views...the Tree of Life at Animal Kingdom, although Animal Kingdom is one of my least favourite parks it can't be beat in ambiance.

Carvings in the Tree of Life

More carvings in the Tree of Life

The line at Expedition Everest in Animal Kingdom...one of Liam's favourite rides..

The Speeder bike outside of Start Tours at Disney's Hollywood Studios. Everyone's feet hurt so much that they made their escape on the speeder bikes.

Meeting Donald in Mexico...Epcot

I didn't think they would want 'ears' but they HAD to have their ears before they went to Magic Kingdom.... Eoin picked R2-D2 ears, Liam chose patriotic Canada ears and Seamus was wearing Pirate ears.

Meeting Pluto....they actually got a few autographs too

Donald and Daisy in Hollywood Studios

The Green Goblin at Islands of Adventure/universal

My parents came down as a surprise treat for a few days

Meeting Mickey Mouse on the very last day

Star Tours again and again and again...wasn't so bad after I got some motion sickness bands

The three caballeros in Mexico World Showcase Epcot

Playing at Honey I shrunk the Kids

Liam and Eoin waiting to take on Darth Vader at Jedi Training Academy

The climbing gear outside of Expedition Everest

Waiting in Line at Rockn' roller coaster with Tower of Terror in the background....yep Gramma and Papa experienced ALL the rides...Eoin made sure of it.

Epcot

We spent many hours in and around Star Tours and it's store

Ewok village at Star Tours