Practice, practice, practice....makes perfect. When it comes to music lessons practicing is expected to be the largest part of the experience. Two of the boys take guitar lessons. One has been involved for two years and the other since this past September. They love going to their lesson each week. They love showing any guests we have their new mad skills. They do not love practicing. It is a chore. It takes longer to convince them that it is time to practice than the actual amount of practicing that goes on.
From the outset I did not want to be the practice police. I don't want to set up unnecessary battles, they seem to surface just fine on their own. For the first while I suggested practicing, encouraged it even but I refused to fight over it. My thoughts were that I was providing the opportunity and it was up to them to do with it what they would.
I am certain to hear the argument that they don't know how grateful they will be to have the musical skill set later on. Maybe some feel that children have to do things in life that they don't enjoy so now is the time for them to get used to it. I have definitely heard that without the practice they will not see progress and it will be discouraging. I am not going to discount any of those points and have even had them cross my own mind a time or two.
I see it differently. With enforced practice they could and most likely would get better at it. Will they really come to love music? Maybe. I don't think the love of music will come because of the enforcement but rather inspite of it. I value the arts and very much value the skill set that comes with musical knowledge. I love to hear the boys playing the few songs they do know. It is music to my ears. I want them to practice. I want them to practice. Let's be real, it is not my desire that will put a love of an instrument in their heart. In fact letting my desire for them to excel at music be known could have the opposite effect. I am not going to lie, I do want them to excel at music. I just don't want that as much as I want them to want to enjoy music. So I don't make them practice. I drive them each week and we are happy to pay each week. Well I am not happy about it but I certainly feel that their music instructor's time and energy is valuable and we are willing to pay.
Recently I began to sense that the instructor was feeling frustrated with the lack of progress. I allowed myself to feed off that energy and began to feel stress around the issue, so much so that I began to wonder if we were wasting his time. That set me wondering if the $40 each week that came out of our pockets was just burned money. In a time of frustration I told the boys that if they were not interested in taking the lessons seriously then we were not interested in continuing to pay for the lessons. They were not happy to say the least and there were some tears. There was an increase in practices by one child and the other just basically thought "why does it matter now? I am not getting to go anymore anyway" and chose not to practice. I didn't feel good about either outcome. One child gave up and the other was bullied into practicing.
"Take the lessons more seriously?" Yes I actually said that despite my previous feelings of letting their love grow intrinsically. What indication had they given me that they were not taking it seriously? They got ready each week, they never complained about getting ready to go and make the 1/2 hour drive back and forth. They sat quietly and worked on various drawing projects while one was in the lesson What I should have done was talk things over with the instructor sooner. Nothing they did said they didn't take the lessons seriously.
Today I sat down with their instructor and we worked some things out. Turned out that there is outside pressure on him to have measurable progress in his students. We talked about what we wanted out of the time they spend with him and discussed the idea that success and progress measurement can be subjective. To one it may be that the specific musical skill grows, to another it may be that the love of music grows or a sense of individuality and self expression through musical pursuits. In talking I think we are back on the same page. The boys really like this guy and Chris and I appreciate what he brings to their lives. They are being exposed to a young man, who is positive, up beat, friendly, approachable, talented, and artistic. We have chosen him to mentor our boys in music. If they come away from it being able to play guitar, or drums or piano great, if they come away from it feeling good about themselves, appreciating the relationship they have developed with their instructor and a deeper sense of self through music then FANTASTIC! That is music to my ears!
I read different posts from your blog and dont you understand that you are setting up your children for a lifetime of failure?
ReplyDeleteLife is filled with being pressured into "practicing" How are they going to make out in the future with post secondary education or in the workplace?
Are they going to start to cry when a prof gives them due dates on a paper being they cant decide when they want to hand it in?
Are they going to start to cry when there boss tells them they have to become more profficient at their job?
Post after post I read on how they dont want to get out of bed or they dont like doing school stuff . You let them learn or do thing when they are ready.
I hope you welcome the future of a bunch of full grown men not being able to support themselves because they cant hold down a job or succeed in college or university
You seem to hold a lot of concern for them.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest I don't know how they are going to make out in the future just like many parents who force their children to do things don't know how their children will deal with their futures.
Since I can't answer your questions, be they rhetorical or actual, maybe you could reconcile how we have so many failing children who attend school, who are forced to practice piano. Of all things. Really? You are worried that I am not making my children practice a musical instrument? I am pretty sure that most of the people who you may consider failing at life went to school and were parented authoritatively, quite differently than my children are.
And "cry"? Where does that even come from? Have the posts given any indication that unschooled children can't cope with pressure? That my children can't cope with pressure? That is simply being pulling that out of no where. You are getting a glimpse of our family life and choices. A tiny itty bitty glimpse, albeit one that I am putting out there for the public so you can certainly feel free to comment. Of course it would be preferable that it be respectful opposition and thoughtful comments as opposed to fear based.
To entertain you though they could quit their job I suppose if they don't like what their boss is telling them. But then there would be consequences wouldn't there? And they would have to live with them. If we had put them in school or forced them to do things do you think that we would guarantee that they will succeed? Do you think that those people do well in the workforce? Maybe we are living in two different cultures?
Don't want to get out of bed? What blog are you reading? They don't HAVE to get up at 7 am. Do children get up at 7 am on their day off school? Do most adults get up earlier than they have to?
I appreciate your foreshadowing, clearly your education and parenting experiences have brought you not just success in life but a second sight, an ability to see into the future of others.
It is not my job to make anyone else feel good about our choices. There is a lot of info out there on what we do and I leave it up to others to choose to educate themselves on the alternatives. Don't look to me to defend it.
Keep reading or don't. Comment or don't. It is clear that you have gotten something from my posts even if it is just irritation at the choices of someone you have no vested interest in.