Sick and the City

Hitting the big city means theatre plays, coffee houses, art galleries, subway rides, street artists...........or staying way laid up in a hotel room (a very tiny hotel room) with three very sick kids.  Maybe we should have stayed home?

No.  What could we have done differently at home, but stay in our regular beds, in our regular surroundings being sick.  The visit to this metropolis makes the sick experience more exciting, more urban.  That and it really is nice to have my husband come in from his training course and give us an empathetic smile during his breaks.  At home I would have been by myself in the house for 3 days with 3 coughing, fevered children and two big dogs (ours and the extra one next door that we would be dog sitting).

We did get out some yesterday to ride the subway, visit with my cousin, go to a bookstore, eat our favourite burritos at Chipolte Mexican Grill but it was pretty apparent that the boys really just needed to be under the covers and resting their poor heads.  So much for utilizing this opportunity to expose them to the culture and arts this trip was going to include.  They have been on the bed most of the time sleeping or playing their hand held video games or watching the tv (thank goodness they like reno shows :D)

Although........my cousin does have his own hip hop/rap recording company so they were exposed to people that deal in the arts and there is no way to avoid the culture of our province's capital when you are out and about and riding the subway.  Not a complete bust.  If we can only make to Potted Potter tonight it may even be considered a success.

How I learned to read: An interview

After reading this post by Dr Peter Gray I was curious how the boys saw their own experiences with reading
**I tried to be objective by writing down their answers exactly as they spoke them.  My questions or further inquiry is in italic.  

When do you think you learned to read?

SEAMUS
"Like full on read? I believe it was around when I was 9.  That is when I started reading novels not just books. "
What do you mean by "not just books? "
"Just books that are thin"

LIAM
"Probably 4 or 5"
.I wasn't aware you could read at that age.  When do you think you let people know you could read?
"Probably 8."
What made you keep that a secret from people?
"I didn't think I was good enough quite yet."

EOIN
"Probably when I was 8. I am still not as good as I would like to be"

What motivated you to read?
SEAMUS
"The requirment that it has in life and I really enjoy it."

LIAM
"I just wanted to start reading."

EOIN
"Wanting to read.  I would like to know what is happening in a book. And I would also like to know what people are saying in video games if it is just spelled for you. And sometimes in movies they are speaking a different language and spell it on the screen. "

Did you ever feel pressure to learn to read?
SEAMUS
"No"

LIAM
"A little "
Where did you feel the pressure came from?
"From myself"

EOIN
"no never"

How would you describe how you learned to read?

SEAMUS
"You read to me when I was little. I eventually picked up a book on my own, asked for help, was able to to do it alone, then I picked up bigger books. I kept getting bigger books until I got where I am today."

LIAM
"I just started to try. I started to sound out words." 

EOIN
"By practicing.  By looking at the words and trying to sound them out. 

What do you like to read?

SEAMUS
"Fantasy, mostly fictional books, Sci fi.  I don't know about the book I am reading, what category the book I am reading right now would be." 

LIAM
"Graphic novels and stuff"

EOIN
"I like to read graphic novels and manga books and such.  I also  like listening to books on cd."

Were there any books that you felt helped you with reading more than others?


SEAMUS
"The Jack Sparrow kid's series.  They were easy to read but they were more of a reading book than the other books I read.  They were the same size but more like mini novels.  The Baby Blues comic strip books helped with reading but not necessarily with reading novels because they are comic strips, and novels and comic strips are different.  One is just a sereis of short, small little clips of pictures and some words, and novels they tell a story whereas comic strips have a bunch of different stories that are sometimes connected." 

LIAM
"Not really I just started reading one book after another"

EOIN
"Not really.  Well some of the Graphic Novels that my brothers have been reading have made me want to know what is happening because sometimes they don't tell me."

Do you feel reading is something you were taught to do?

SEAMUS
"No. I learned to read on my own. I had help but I wasn't taught. "

LIAM
"I guess.  It was kind of self taught actually."

EOIN 
Probably self taught because even now I sit down with a book and tried to read what I can.

Do you think you would have learned earlier if you were taught?

SEAMUS
"No I think I would have lost interest.  Being taught and learning yourself are two different things.  Learning yourself you can control how much you do it and freely learn and have fun with it.  Whereas being taught you are told to read a book and it is just not as fun really."

LIAM
"Not really"

EOIN
"Maybe I don't know. "

How did learning to read make a difference for you?

SEAMUS
*laughs*  "I don't really know.  It's just, well it helps be able to read because you are stuck in life if you can't read.  For one thing there is the factor that a lot of video games have an only reading system instead of voices telling you what to do.  And then there is also that it is a really good pastime and a lot of things in life require you to read, emailing , getting a job *laugh*. Even in drawing you need to read some things.  So the ablitiy to read has had a lot of influence on my life."

LIAM
"It helped pass time faster. Plus it is kinda fun.  It is alot easier to go on the computer, play games on my own."

EOIN
Being able to read and look in a book and actually understand what is going on.  Just being able to read things that are on billboards, signs, pictures makes things much easier

Adversaries or Allies?

“Most of us are tactful enough with other adults not to point out their errors but not many of us are ready to extend this courtesy to children.” ~ John Holt

Powerful message. 

John Holt during his life wrote a number of published books and spoke to many about education and learning.  It was his book Teach Your Own which shaped some of my first ideas on how I would want to support the education of my children. 

There is this conception that parent child relationships are antagonistic, an us -vs- them mentality.  Lately I have been discussing with the boys how media portrays the idea it is normal for siblings or kids and parents to be pitted against each other.    Where does it come from?  Do we have to be that way?  Naturally anytime you spend a lot of time with someone there will be friction but in healthy relationships it is not what defines the dynamic.  In thinking on this, the idea extends even to parents and infants. There is a battle for control between parent and toddler or a belief that to pick up a baby is allowing them to manipulate.  So it goes beyond just the regular irritations that comes with frequent togetherness.  It seems to be ingrained in our culture.

Adversaries are not often courteous toward one another.  We are quick to point out the faults of those we consider to be our opposition.  It is hard to be kind and thoughtful, understanding and patient with adversaries.  Parents are set up to fail at being respectful to their children and thus children are expected to show respect when they are not afforded the same.

This particular quote struck me as profound.  For me parenting and home educating the boys is synonymous or at least parallel. I want to be a great parent! I want to give my children the space to figure out their own errors.  I don't necessarily want them to think "Yeah my mom is awesome and let's me do whatever I want".   That would not make me a great parent.  No doubt there will be times when they will say "you are soooo unfair" but I hope those times will, years later, become "thank you for looking out for us when it mattered : D.  I do want them to say that they felt respected, listened to, valued.

Flipping the switch: Leaving the schooled frame of mind behind

Here we go again..... I have my moments where I think for sure I have made the wrong decision. "I should have put them in school from the beginning", "I have failed them", the negative self doubt can go on and on.  Today was one of those moments.  They last only briefly, and oddly seem to happen on a 'cycle'. But of course not everything can be blamed on this coincidental 'cycle'.   Each time I have these moments of doubt something happens that reminds me of why we chose this life.  It can be a quote (thanks Stef), or a exciting discovery the boys make, or it can be my husband telling me how grateful he is that I do what I do.

Our journey is our own, like many aspects of our parenting style.  We have chosen a less travelled path and therefore have a lonelier road.  I don't feel others should follow this path, although it would certainly be less lonely if we knew more families who did.  It is important that a family make decisions for their own based on what is best for the whole, not to make decisions based on what everyone else is doing or ignoring the facts because the facts make them uncomfortable, but to make decisions for their family eyes wide open.  I believe it is important to know why you are doing things, the possible consequences, the possible joys and to go forth with that information with a sense of confidence.  You may falter, loose that sense of surety for while, you may even change your mind.

I have taken to not using the term unschooling as what we do is not really related to school at all.  I have used it to describe our learning choices.  I also use the words "school" or "schoolish stuff" to make what we might be doing more relate-able in my blog.   My biggest struggle with our choice in educating our children is me. I am my own thorn in my side.  It is when I see our lives in relation to my 'schooled' way of thinking that I allow doubt to creep back in. 

I need to deschool myself.  I need to get out of the mind set that school is the base line for normal.  You may not like the term deschool, it might rub you the wrong way or feel offensive and oppositional to schooling.  Here is why I feel it is not.  School is an institution, home is something entirely different.  They are not even close to the same.  I intend to educate my children, schools are in place with the intention to educate children but the process of education does not in anyway need to be the same. I would go as far to say it shouldn't be the same. School is a place, it is not a state of being, it is not a process.  It is a place, a location where set rules are put into practice to facilitate their objectives.   I grew up like most everyone else learning in an environment where those rules guided my childhood years.  That is my frame of reference for education.  Until our journey into home education I have only experienced education as it is done in a school setting*****I have only acknowledged education as it is done in a school setting as I have experienced education everywhere.   My children do not have that frame of reference.  I am the one that needs to turn the switch and deschool my brain to best meet our family's needs and education at home.  The rules and schedules set out in a school simply do not apply.  Now, that is easier said than done.  Want to sit back and watch me try?  Want to join me?

Reading into the future

I am slow on the technology front. I don't have a cell phone....well I don't have a good cell phone. I have one that is for emergencies only that I add time to every so often, but it doesn't text, send pictures, twitter, facebook and all the other fun things.  I am sure it can do those things but I wouldn't know where to begin. To be honest, here in our tiny town it is cheaper to pop into Sobey's and pay 25 cents to use the pay phone.

But I am making a technological leap, I am almost ready to move into the e-reading era. What? That was yesterday's news?  Oh well call me resistant to change.  I am fearful of making the commitment. I don't like the idea of spending almost the same amount on a digital copy of a book.  If I am buying a book, and we buy MANY books I think I would like it in hand.  I don't however have much more room for books without fear of our library becoming simply a pile of books.

Any die hard book lovers make the switch?  Was it hard, do you love it? Hate it?

HAPPY HEARTS

Some of our happy hearts to celebrate today.  Made with love.  It is not always easy to get three boys sitting down to craft.  Crafting of course for my frame of reference because they 'craft' on a daily basis if you include painting gruesome Warhammer men or designing things with missing limbs.



Clockwise from the right (yellow heart)  Liam, Seamus, Jenn, Eoin



Empty arms

Why am I a so sad that I don't have a wee babe in my arms right now?  This is not me. I have never been the person to crave holding other people's babies. Don't get me wrong, I love ALL your babies but what warms my heart is seeing you all wear or hold them yourselves, where they belong. 

So why am I feeling the emptiness of these arms today so strongly?  This baby deserves to be in the arms of its own mother as well as any other baby but the baby also deserves to be in safe arms and if it can't be its own mother then let it be someone who can be there for baby.

We would have been the temporary caregivers to these tiny children with only a chance that they would become part of our permanent family, yet my arms still feel empty.  Very empty.

Mores.....

Apparently my foreshadowing is spot on.  This journey could get more difficult, include more tears, contain more frustrations, be more confusing and so many other 'mores'.

After all the patience and stagnation we got a call on Friday afternoon. Yes that kind of call.  CAS was wondering if we would be interested in fostering 3 small children (very very small, like bring my slings out of retirement because they would be put to use small). The placement would need to happen immediately, preferable that day but by Sunday at the latest. It was a whirlwind afternoon filled with anxious pacing, lots of consideration, wide eyes and deep breaths.  My poor husband when I called him at work to give him the head's up, I know that was the last thing he figured I would call him about.  There were so many questions and things that would need to be done!   We don't have a crib, car seats, bottles, diapers and all the other things that go along with caring for wee ones who are not my own....... since bottles would not be necessary otherwise, or a crib for that matter.e

And here is where all the "mores" comes in.  With much consideration....as much as we could be allowed in the matter of a couple hours because that is all we had....we declined as the situation stands now. So we can add more second guessing, more uncertainty, more regret, more, more, more, more.....

Letting down the guarding

How goes the adoption plans? 

Stagnant......but I am a patient person (cough cough) so all is well.  The Disney trip was a wonderful distraction from it all. I think it only crossed my mind once a day while we were away.  There may have even been a day or two when I was so busy planning that it may have skipped a day.

Quite atypical of me, I have guarded this journey close.  Not because I am not willing to share, I am usually more than willing to be the open book.  This has felt different than anything we have ever done.  I shared my pregnancies with the world after the first sign of the second pink line. With this I am not sure who or how or what to share.

We have "applied" to gather more information on adopting a few sibling groups.  It is a weird process.  None have gone further than our expression of interest.   This winter though we were informed that we had been shortlisted for a sibling group.  It was a surprise to us as we knew there had been over 20 families who also expressed an interest at the same time. I would love to say that we are now sitting on the edge of seats waiting for the call that says we might become parents again however it wasn't quite so exciting. We found out at the same time that were not chosen to move forward.  Before you get all in a tizzy though, waving your hands about in discontent and yelling 'but they are wonderful parents who in their right mind WOULDN'T choose them".  There are a lot of fantastic families out there hoping to grow through adoption.  I am sure that we were just as 'good' as the families that were chosen but they have to choose someone.  I cannot fathom what goes into picking a family for children.  The social workers who have to put the future of these children in their own hands must be very strong.  The children who have gone through the system and the traumas even stronger.

It was hard.  Knowing we were almost picked was a tiny teeny weeny consolation but it was still hard.  I am sure there will be more hard times in this journey, more tears, more frustrations, more confusion.  It isn't over yet.  To grieve the possibility of becoming parents to children that you know little about other than a photo and a blurb is strange.  On one hand there is nothing specific to grieve and on the other in order to move forward and express the interest you have to imagine what your family and life would look like with these particular children.  You have to allow yourself to dream about it, wonder about it and then you have to allow yourself to grieve it when it doesn't work out.

I get knocked down...but I get up again

I have been spent since the return from the BIG vacation.  Knocked on my posterior kind of spent.  Tomorrow though I am determined to pick myself up and get back to motivation.   I have big plans for the house cleaning, bigger plans for school stuff and I may even take some time to write a bit and read.  Since coming home the television set has been turned on way too much.....we rarely have it on here but I have spent way too much time watching Property Brothers over the past few days.....plus it is dangerous when I start to get reno ideas.  So good bye Jonathan and Drew, it has been nice but the new glass tile back splash is just going to have to wait.

It will all have to start with getting up at a decent hour....so someone....anyone can feel free to call me to make sure I am up.  I am not so good at the early thing now that the boys are old enough that they want to sleep in.  It will require patience because no matter how awesome my boys are they still put up a bit of a wiggle when we do stuff they perceive as 'schoolish'.  It will require setting priorities and making sure that I don't get caught up in the tidy part before I do the school part.  For some reason I struggle with wrapping my brain around doing stuff with them when the house is not ordered the way I like it or can tolerate it.  It will require confidence because believe it or not I still worry about whether the boys are getting enough from being home.   Weird huh?  I just exude confidence so I know that is a hard one for you to believe.

I am going to give it my all tomorrow and give them my all tomorrow.  Life, I have re-realized this week can be sadly cut too short to let it slip away.