All the skills you need come from home!

My dear friend shared this with me today.   So sadly and wonderfully true.   Life as example:  Just today Seamus figured out how to sew his own hero zombie slayer outfit for some toys.   He did fantastic with the sewing machine.  And if he ever needs his own life size zombie slaying outfit homeschoolin's got 'em covered.

Emotional Maturity

My mind has been preoccupied lately with the planning of the surprise trip in the new year.  I have not thought too much about adoption or fostering the past couple weeks.  Tonight though I was reading the posts at an adoption forum and was reminded of the emotions and complexity of it all.

Earlier this week I had been reading a description in a continuing education program that came in the mail of what it may take to be a Child and Youth Worker. I am not interested in the program, I was reading through the whole book considering further education but in reading this description the words "emotional maturity" stood out to me.  It would certainly take a significant level of that in working with children with special needs of varying levels and development. 

 Reading the posts from the forum I was reminded of the importance of emotional maturity specifically in the foster to adopt situations.  Successful adoptive and foster parents would need to show a high level of emotional maturity as well. Having not been in a situation where I was the interim parent of a child I was willing or wanting  to adopt my view may be and likely is naive but if you want to know read on.

I struggle with the seemingly narrow view of some potential adoptive parents or foster to adopt parents in regards to what "doing what is best for the child" means.   I have heard these parents both directly and through forums discuss the frustrations they face with the system moving slowly in granting 'their' child (their foster child) crown wardship and not moving quickly enough on finalizing the adoption.  I hear frustrations about the child's extended family members being given the opportunity to step forward and being given a legal due process only to delay the process to make them legal parents.  I can only imagine the difficulty of waiting in limbo for the foster parents and  the children involved.  However the children, if they are very young, can't fully comprehend the process just yet and if they are older would most likely have serious conflicting feelings about the severance of their ties to their families and having some permanency with their adoptive/foster family.  Children still feel a strong sense of loyalty and commitment to parents who have not kept them safe and even more so to siblings who they may think they are leaving behind.

Potential adoptive parents understandably feel considerable stress surrounding the uncertainty of a child joining the family.  The stress and heartbreak of having your child removed permanently from your care and connection however is something that is unfathomable.  I think it would be an unusually adept person to be able to show the amount of emotional maturity necessary to see their dire situation clearly.  And if that was the case they most likely wouldn't have had their children removed. Of course there are exceptions to the rule.  If someone was to remove my child I don't know that I would see it clearly and be able to step back enough to let others efficiently do what they might feel is the best.  So a person who is considering fostering to adopt should be clear that they would not be dealing with birth families who are able or willing to step back and let the courts take away their parental or grand parental rights permanently.  You would need a deep level of empathy for the family dealing with the loss to be able to to truly do what is best for the child.  We have to remember when a child is removed from a home it doesn't just affect the child and the parent, it affects grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and siblings who may be moved elsewhere or remain with the parent.

Again I haven't gone through this so I am speaking from a place of inexperience.   It does seem uncomfortable to me to read the thoughts of posters on a forum regarding the soon to come placements of their soon to be foster children who are waiting a court date for crown wardship.  The posters talk as though the children are "their children", they can't wait for "their children to come home finally" and then other posters might join in and wish for the family that the courts quickly realize that the foster adoptive family would be what is best for the children without, I am assuming, having any knowledge of the case history of either family.  It is becoming apparent to me and more so as we go further into this process that support is necessary, support from others in the same boat is crucial in remaining sane through this strange process.  I understand the rallying behind one another to keep each other going.  Believe me we are not as far in depth as some have gone and I have needed to hear the positives over and over to stay on track and keep a good mind over it all.

I am having trouble though keeping the child advocate me at bay when I read the posts.  The best thing, to be honest, for the child would be that the birth family is able to get it together enough to give them a good enough life with safety and comfort, not a life of opportunity because of financial status but one that is safe.  In reality when that doesn't happen and the parents cannot get beyond their own issues then despite the severe loss that child and any other family member will feel it may be in the child's best interest to be given crown ward status.  However the loss a child feels when they are removed from their parents and siblings is intense.  More and more open adoptions are occurring in adoptions from the foster care system where the child has some access to safe birth family members or significant people who have been in their lives. Again though it takes a lot of emotional maturity and probably courage on the part of the adoptive parent to help their child maintain and cultivate those relationships.   I have recently met adoptive parents who seemed to have navigated this with some degree of success and I am inspired by these adoptive families.  They have been able to see the birth family for its importance and try their best to put their fears and insecurities aside. 

Fostering to adopt is not adoption, it can and does many times end in adoption but it is not the same as placing a child that is a crown ward.  It is opening yourself up to be the temporary parent, to give a child a safe and nurturing place to grow while the 'system' figures out how it is best to proceed.   The 'system' may see your family as one road that they may travel down to see a child have permanency in their life but you are not the only road they are mapping out.   Fostering to adopt I think takes a lot of emotional maturity to be able to open yourself to the potential of adopting a child that may not stay in your home while still possibly fostering the child's relationship with the birth parent through their weekly visitations.  You will have to face real possibilities that the court will decide that it is best for the child to move to the care of a paternal grandparent or extended family member or return to the birth parent.  To be able to foster to adopt I think one has to be able to balance the right amount of protectiveness for the child in their care as to advocate for them but to step back as well and truly see what might be best for the child.  Even though we may be great parents and might be able give a child more opportunity in life.  A safe life with a family member connection that is good enough might be better.  It may not but with Fostering to adopt that decision lies solely in the hands of the court.

Just my thoughts.  There are many many capable and wonderful foster, adoptive and foster to adopt parents out there who out number the ones who seem to lack the right perspective.  And maybe it is me that has the wrong perspective and I will be in the same place when and if we choose to foster with a view to adopt.

Don't rage and blog

I have a blog post sitting in my drafts.  It is just waiting for me to hit "publish post".   Just waiting.   But I know better than to rage and blog, so I am calling a taxi. I am writing a ghost post where all my intent is written in this blog but the words get to stay with me.

But my Christmas tree went up today and we just made a happy decision for 2012....  I am not letting the absolute crazy that is out of my control ruin my Christmas tree day...... 'kay well I let it bother me for a tiny bit but I am letting it go here and now with you :D

I am going to go and hug my sweet sweet husband who deserves the love and attention, the time and energy from his family.  OUCH I did say I was done didn't I ? So I shall be.

Happy Christmas Tree days to everyone!

Sketching before bed

Liam was sketching when he was supposed to be sleeping or at least getting ready to go to sleep

You Light up my Life

This past couple weeks I have been salivating over light tables.  They run about $100 to $200.  My inventive and awesome father was kind enough to do the work on this diy project.  Here are some of the steps he took to make a light table for us.  It is not a complete tutorial but you should get the idea.

Light table completed  

4  - 15 cm wide maple boards left over from the bunk beds (length will depend on the size of the plexi glass)
2- under cabinet florescent lights .....$14 each at homedepot
1- plexi glass (60cm x 45cm)........ $25 at homedepot
wood glue/clamps/table saw/compound mitre saw/screws/'L' clips/electric hand sander

He used the saw to cut a groove for the plexi glass to sit in

Slid in the plexi glass to measure the exact size for the board cuts

All the boards cut to length at angles with their grooves

He used a sander to scuff up one side of the plexi glass to diffuse the light

With glue on all the corners he snapped all the pieces in place.

Let the glue dry with the clamps.  He also added 'L' clips on the inside corners for added stability.
The pic of the final box doesn't show it well but he made some handles out of wood for each side to make it more portable.

Mount two lights inside the frame

He connected the wires but two plugs coming out a drilled hole in the wood would work too.

Coloured water, transparent manipulative tiles and a ziploc filled with paint
(my camera is terrible but the table lights everything up nice)

  My boys are older but I am determined to use it as much as I can with them now and maybe some wee ones in the future if we are so fortunate.   The boys will use it in their daily drawing and comic drawing adventures as well. Overall though it is a fun way to do even regular stuff with an added sensory element.

School room

This is how we organize our school room.  We still have an entire double closet upstairs dedicated to board games and art supplies.

Current creative projects

Living with a husband who has a knack for drawing and subsequently his spawn who can draw better than their father I have been inspired to try to find my own creative side.

Ink doodle

The beginning of a christmas project.  I might sew it or I may glue it to a painted canvas

Inspired by a project in an Usborne book

Creativity in organizing the 'school room'

Education talk done visual

Sir Ken Robinson has caught my attention lately.   Check him out.

Not so cute anymore

Halloween is not a cute time in our house anymore.  I do remember fondly the days of fuzzy costumes and adorable toddlers.  They are long gone.  

Did I mention that I LOVE GETTING DRESSED UP!!!

Zombie collection: Biker, Nuclear power worker, Tourist 

The Family Photo

Present

So it takes courage to be a parent..... it also takes a level of honest self reflection. I  realized yesterday that I am not as present as I want to be. I don't want to admit that, it certainly doesn't feel good to say it out loud.    Life can get in the way of parenting, in the way of my parenting.  It is too easy to get caught up in it all. Right now it is adoption, last year it was renovations.   Tomorrow it can be something else entirely.  

Adoption or the prospect of it is pretty encompassing.  Even when we try not to think about it, it is always there in the back of my mind.   When I watch the boys play I wonder how they will be affected, when we make dinner I think of how it will change if we add 2 or 3 to our family at once, when I watch friends little ones run around I imagine what it will be like to be there again.   But it is all hindering me from being present, in the here, in the now with my family.  

When they were babies I was present, they required 24 hour care and touch and I embraced that... not always with joy but I embraced it and gave it my all.   As they become more independent it is too easy to fall into the trap of letting them be.   In our case they have each other and depend on each other for a lot so it is easy for me to slip into the background.   I don't want to be in the background. I want to be a part of their lives, show them the world, debate with them, learn with them.   I want to watch as they find their own wings and know that I was there for them in that moment.

I will strive to be present.

Accountability.... part two

As promised......

My own lesson on accountability in parenting happened during and after Eoin's birth.   He was the catalyst in taking responsibility for my own parenting and in turn owning and being accountable for my choices.   His birth was the beginning.   First I chose a homebirth for him.   That wasn't much of a stretch for me as I was interested in a homebirth even when I was pregnant with Seamus and had done my research.  There were no midwives in our area for neither his or Liam's birth.   With Eoin there were still no midwives in our area but a friend called me out when I complained that I want a homebirth and I couldn't have one.....waaaa waaa waaaa.  She told me I could have a homebirth but it wouldn't be conventional. I could hire a midwife from across the border.   EEEEEEKKKKKK.   That sounded scary.  What if something went wrong, how would I explain it to the hospital if we needed to go?  It was not illegal for me to have a homebirth, even if I had chosen to not have it attended at all...which I would not do.  It was not legal however for a midwife in a different country to come and attend a birth.  I am more of a "this is wrong and that is right" sort of person so if it was illegal for her then it felt illegal for me.  If there were complications and we required hospital transfer during the birth it would mean that I would have to answer to my choice.  If he was injured or became ill due to our choice, even if had been something that would have happened in hospital and turned out fine we would have had to face the judgement of the people we would need to turn to to take over our care. We didn't jump in to it right away but in considering it we felt comfortable with much research that homebirth was safe, safer even than hospital birth in our situation and so ultimately chose to hire a midwife to attend our birth.... which was beautiful.

The next lesson came when Eoin became ill at 6 weeks of age.  It was terrifying.  He became lethargic and wouldn't nurse, but when he turned blue I was scared.   In hospital we learned that he had a urinary tract infection.   Sounds simple enough.  With infants it is not simple.  It is serious when a newborn has a urinary tract infection (UTI).  After a hosptial stay and many invasive tests we learned that the urine was backing up into his kidneys from his bladder due to a 'vavle' that was not working properly.  If there is an infection in the bladder then the bacteria causes scarring in the kidney which is dangerous.   He immediately went on antibiotics.  He got better but an infection recurred a few weeks later and he went back on medication.  Until he was older all we could do was visit the doctor every few months and give medication to hope it would keep his infections away.  He would be on antibiotics for years.   I am not a medication giver, we don't bring the boys to the doctor with every sniffle, snuff and fever.   It was hard for me to give him antibiotics everyday when I knew giving them was not without risk itself. 

In researching his condition I learned that breastmilk can be protective against UTIs.   In simple terms the immunological effect of breastfeeding lowers the prevalence of UTIs in infants and is believed to cause the bacteria responsible to be less adhering to the tissue in the bladder system.  Study  We chose to stop giving our son antibiotics as a precautionary treatment.   We lost a specialist because of it,  he would not treat my son because he felt we were being irresponsible by not medicating.  He was not willing to see Eoin as an individual situation nor was he willing to look at the information about breastfeeding and UTIs.  We were not against medicating we simply chose to not medicate as he was not getting infections.   If he had begun to get infections after the medication was removed we would have resumed the prophylactic treatment of antibiotics.  Simple.  We didn't want to put our son in harms way.   Our next specialist didn't necessarily agree with our choice but he didn't drop us either.   Eoin didn't get another UTI.......ever.  In fact he is no longer even seeing a urologist for the condition since he has not had an infection since his first month.   Is it because they underestimated his condition?  No, his testing still showed throughout that urine was backing up into his kidney but since it was not infected with harmful bacteria it was not an issue.   He was breastfed for a long period of time.... a really long period of time.   

Both situations made me realize that in order to make the best decision for our family we had to go against the flow.  We had to buck the advice of the medical care in order to make the right decision.  It wasn't easy because if we failed we were accountable.   If we had chosen a hospital birth and our son would have required the vacuum extractor instead of the midwives able hands to 'help' him out when he got 'stuck' and there had been complications because of the extractor would we have been held accountable?  No.  Would we had been just as accountable?  Yes, we would made that decision to birth in the hospital birth instead of the home birth putting us at higher risk for intervention.   Had Eoin began getting infections again and had scarring in his kidney would we have been responsible?  Yes.  Had we continued the antibiotic but he had still gotten an infection...which happens would we have been held accountable?  No.   Somehow taking the advice of the doctor without doing our own learning and research makes us less accountable.  It doesn't.   

These experiences have given me the courage to trust myself to make the right decisions for my family.  Of course we take what the professionals say seriously and most times will follow their advice but it has to make sense for our family.  

Accountability

It takes courage to be a parent.  It is not for the faint of heart.   Parenting is filled with mistakes, lessons in humility, difficult terrifying decisions, hurt, tears, anxiety and a lot more messy stuff.  There is NO book that can give you the answers on how to parent.  There are many that try but none of them are written specifically for you and your family in that moment.

Being charged with the care and concern of a new being from conception to adulthood is an astounding responsibility.   You will be called to account.  You will be judged. You will certainly make errors and you will be accountable for them.  It may not be you alone in the case of shared parenting but parents whether there is one, two, three or four will be held to task on the choices made for their children.

Too often we believe that when we take our children to a doctor that they are making the best decision for them.   We trust their knowledge and fear our lack of knowledge.  There is a sense of passing on the accountability to the health care provider when they suggest a surgery or a vaccine or a medication or line of treatment. If we say no to a vaccine then we are judged if the child contracts the disease.  If we give the vaccine and the child still contracts the disease then the accountability will feel falsely less.

Too often we send our children into schooling institutions for their daily care and education and trust that they are making the best decisions for them.   We trust their expertise and our distrust our own ability.   We place blame on the education system or the teacher when our children fail to meet the grade or face social traumas in the school environment.

It is easier to make the choice to remain blissfully ignorant of our choices in health care, education and the general care of our children.  We are not less accountable because we pass on the charge of the care to another.

In my next post I will share my lessons in accountability and trusting myself to be responsible for my children's care.

And the violin section can begin

I had one of those moments....one of the woe is me, I want my old life back, my friends, my connections, my comfort zone.  They don't happen too often. I really do love our new environment.  I suppose it is not new, we have been here over 4 years now.   It does feel like home 99% of the time, and then I have that moment when I realize what we left behind.   The people and relationships we took for granted, not realizing that even though we only saw some of them every few months they played a big part in our lives. 

Breaking into a small town is certainly not the easiest thing to do.  For the most part we haven't had a  hard go of it but it hasn't been easy either.  Homeschooling in this situation has not made it easier....wait what was that?  Did I just say that homeschooling had a negative?  Yes of course it has its negatives. I would be a fool to state otherwise.  For most families in cities or in places where they know people homeschooling is not isolating.  Here in this situation for us it has been.   We have supplemented what we are missing from the lack of homeschooling connections through sports and other activities but this year the boys don't seem to have any extra stuff on the go.  I am gearing up to have a lonely winter..... violins playing in the background.

I wouldn't give up homeschooling....most days.....  This isn't the first time that I have travelled a path less carved I know I make the harder choices for our family.   I just wish it were made easier by being able to connect to other homeschoolers.

Prepping for Trick or Treat

2002  Pregnant Pumpkin Belly Art

I absolutely love getting dressed up!!!  I can't NOT get dressed up each year.  Even though we have no where to go (pout) I still get dressed up for the hour long trick or treating with the kids where only a handful of people get to see my efforts.

For a number of years we have encouraged the boys to put together their own costumes.  There have been some bought ones but not too many.  Each year we take a trip in the big city, which some may know can be quite the trek.  We find a couple of Value Village shops and go to town.  I don't really save money.  I end up spending about the same as if we bought everyone a department store costume but they are so much more fun.  This year as we were walking out of the store with all our costumes in the bag Eoin was giddy with excitment for this years costume.   He exclaimed that he was so hyped up to have a homemade one again this year and that he was disappointed that he went with a store bought one last year.  

So the theme this year is zombies.   We are all going to be zombies from different walks of life.   We have a  biker zombie which was inspiration from finding a leather jacket, a nuclear power worker zombit because Liam is.....well he is Liam, a tourist zombie, and a yokel zombie.  Me, I instantly knew what I wanted when I walked past the fake furs hanging on the rack.  I almost walked out of the store this year without a costume feeling silly for buying one for just that hour of trick or treating but Chris reminded me that even if it is just that hour it makes me happy and fills me with smiles.   I can't wait to get my fur on and go to town.

Here is some practice make up that I did on the boys the other night. I watch the tutorial at youtube zombie/bruised flesh by RISA  I knew that we needed a trial go fo it so we didn't have disappointment mere moments before they had to head out.  I think they turned out okay but they loved it so that is what was key.   They actually looked better in person as the camera added too much light.  And I learned some things that I will tweek for the real deal.

Trick or Treat here we come!!!

What a roller coaster

I didn't go on the biggest roller coaster this past month at the amusement park.  The boys all got on and I am so proud of them.  A little bit of me regrets not getting on with them.  I love roller coasters, or used to love them....no I still love them but they make me sick to my stomach from all the jostling so I make it through one or two before I am done for the day.   The BIG one though frightened me so I didn't go on it.  I didn't think I could take the long climb up to the inevitable steep drop down.  Not much unlike my fears with adoption.   Already the wait in line has been twisty and turny the kind of line up where you think you see the end only to come around the corner to see that there are still hundreds of people before you and possibly hours of waiting in the hot sun.   

Each day, and sometimes each hour I waver in my thoughts on whether this is a ride that we should embark.  I am waiting in line, not ready to get out of the line but I am not sure if when our ride comes up if we should walk through and not get on or take a deep breath and know that thousands have gotten on before us, survived and most of them loved it.

So many children.....

                                                      

How many is too many?  Children I mean.   Big families used to be the common place.  My paternal grandmother had 13 children, my maternal grandmother had 6 children survive of the 9 she gave birth to.  Skip ahead only one generation to my parents and average number of children their siblings had was 2.6  for both sides.  In my generation there is an average of 1.2 children per family amongst my 34 cousins on my fathers side and 1.4 children per family on my mothers side with half of my 16 maternal cousins having no children, yet all are of child rearing age.  Even with fertility issues seeming to be on the rise that is a significant drop over 3 generations.

Since the time when girls imagine what their families will look like I envisioned myself with a big family, minus the few years in my early twenties when having children seemed undesirable.   I wanted 4 children at least, Chris wanted 2 children.  Eoin surprised us and we met in the middle.  With 3 boys in 3 years we jointly decided that we were done.  Now we are jointly deciding that maybe we are not done.  Our choice to change that if we do will be through adoption.

The world we live in though is not built for big families, we have a hard time finding accommodations as the boys grow bigger, most places make provisions for two parents, two children.  We have even had to pay for our "extra" child while camping once.  What will it be like when we have 5 or 6 children?  It is not easy to find a vehicle that fits 8 people, trust me I have tried.  There are not even many minivans who fit more than 7.

It is not uncommon when we are out to be asked "are they all yours" and I only have 3. I see big families and smile, some people see big families and condemn.  When 19 Kids and Counting first aired it was like someone had introduced the world to a family of oddities.  Granted it is rare in 2011 to have family with 19 children but go back 50 years to when my Memere was birthing the last of her 13 children, and those are her pregnancies that came to term.    She was not the exception but rather the norm.

I have no plan on matching the Dugger family in their family size or even to meet my Memere's number by half but I may be close.  Can I handle 6 children? Do I want to handle 6 children?  I think so and in time I may have that opportunity, and I will proudly say "Yes they are all mine".

Family Bill

I have been wanting to update the look of our Family Bill of Rights and Responsibilities for a while.  A friend has graciously shared with me ways to work with Pages on a Mac and how to get more fonts.  YAY!  Our Family Bill of Rights and Responsibilities was created a couple years ago.  We sat down with the boys and this is what they came up with.  It is posted in our house when we need a reminder.  Mostly it is Chris and I who need the reminders.

With glowing hearts

I AM.         YOU KNOW I AM.       I AM CANADIAN

....okay I don't drink beer, actually I despise the taste of the stuff but I loved the little ditty when Molson brought it out.  I am a proud Canadian.  It is a beautiful country that we live in.  The beauty lies in the landscape and in the people. I am particularly into Canadian artists.  I like music for music but it adds an extra thrill to hear Canadian bands/artists getting radio play.  It is a reminder that America is not all there is to North American culture.
The newest Canadian edition to the music collection is Bookends.  Here is two of the songs off the cd (Lovesong, Glamour Girl).  One half of the band is very local.  The sound is fun; most easily described as a bit folky but with a modern pop twist.  The instrumental tracks are so well put together.  I can't get some of the tunes out of my head.

My earlier (and remaining) Canadian loves:
Moxy Fruvous  (King of Spain and Stuck in the 90s)
Sloan (Underwhelmed)
Jan Arden (Good Mother)
Great Big Sea (When I am Up and Consequence Free)
Sarah Harmer (Basement Apartment and Open Window)
Barenaked Ladies (Brian Wilson and It's All Been Done Before)
Dream Warriors (My definition of Boombastic)

And right now I am into
Hedley (She's So Sorry and Sweater Song) and every other one of their songs
These Kids Wear Crowns (I Wanna Dance with Somebody  and This Party Never Stops)
Lights  (Toes and My Boots)
Simple Plan (Jet Lag and When I'm Gone)
Faber Drive (You and I tonight and Get Up and Dance)

Why I breastfed.....

How are you celebrating Canada's World Breastfeeding week?  Did you know that Canada celebrates World Breastfeeding Week each year on October 1st - 7th? To honour the first day of Canada's World Breastfeeding Week and also interestingly the anniversary of my own journey as a breastfeeding mother here is my list of why I breastfed:

• I wanted my breasts to be more than just objects
• It was EMPOWERING
• It was a natural progression from belly to world for my babies
• It was healthy (for baby and me)
• I was told I might not be able to do it and that did not sit well with me
• I was not going to be a statistic on the those who tried list (although I did join that list for a short time)
• It felt right
• I felt a connection to the women who mothered generations before me
• It grounded me
• It brought me joy
• It helped my son stay out of the hospital and off medications for his kidney
• It made the connection with my children easier and the effects still last today
• I was pig headed
• It grew on me
• and the list can go on.....................

More than a few years ago this day, October 1st, signified the end of my first 24 hours I spent as a breastfeeding mother.   I know that it is not always a life changing event for each and every woman but much of who I am as a mother started with my first latching of my newborn son.  It wasn't the easiest journey and in fact it ended almost as quickly as it began when I weaned him at 5 days old but it was defining and set the tone for my parenting since. 



Seamus nursing at 4 months in Dominican Republic after I re lactated and we started nursing again



What am I reading?

The past two years have been a marathon of literature for me.   I haven't picked up a book since the middle of the summer though....well not one that I read for my own pleasure.  It is a complete turn around. I was going through at least 4 books a month for a while sometimes more.  My reading list does not necessarily contain deep thought provoking material.  I have been known to dig into a good or rather a "good" ;)paranormal fiction.

On the more thoughtful side, here are some of my favourites:

The Birth House by Ami McKay                  The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson

Red Tent by Anita Diamant                         The Slap By Christos Tsiolkas

The Book of Negroes by Lawerence Hill      Water for Elephants by Sara-Gruen

The Guernsey Literary Potato Peel Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows


And my stimulating and fun list!

Women of the Otherworld Series by Kelley Armstrong
I particularly enjoy the stories focusing on Elena Michaels.  Kelley Armstrong is a Canadian author from Southwestern Ontario!!!

The Hallows Series by Kim Harrison

Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter by Laurell K Hamilton
This is a terribly risque series(they really do get over the top)

My interest in Pinterest!!

I am a Pinterest convert now!  Oh my....the things...the ideas....the lovely lovely pins.   What is a girl to do....first?  Will it be the vampire gourds, the mason jar organizers, or the cupboard door measuring cups?  No actually it is going to have to be the picture frame whiteboard weekly calendar.

But mine will have better backgrounds

I can hear the evil laughs of the women who have pulled me down into this bulletin board abyss.  First it was Etsy and now this.  What is next?   Chris is frightened......down to his toes of the ideas that will come of all this.  I have too much time on my hands not to delve into some of the amazing projects and ideas that are seemingly endless.  He will be sending me off to work in no time.....no he would never do that...but he will secretly wish it a little bit so that I couldn't bombard him with all the new and inventive ways I could rearrange our living space.

I CANNOT wait to get to the store to get my picture frame to start my new project!!!!! I just picked up the most awesome paper the other day that would be perfect!!!! (and I had not even been on Pinterest, it must have been fate!!!) Maybe I will have to cancel my LLL Meeting tomorrow and go to town instead?????

Room with a view

Our Resource Worker from CAS came by the other day for her regularly scheduled visit. She has stopped by about every two months since our approval this spring.  This is our Foster care Resource worker, we also have an Adoption Resource worker.  They have both been warm, friendly and ready to answer any questions we have.  I look forward to having the Foster Resource worker visit, we always go over the scheduled time chatting.   The personal feel she brings to our conversations is not what I expected at all from the CAS.  No doubt my opinion was baseless but I assumed that the workers would be more clinical and cold.  That has not been the case for the most part.  We have come across some great staff who are professional and personable.

Lately Chris and I have been discussing the option of opening ourselves to 'fostering with a view to adopt'.  When we started the process we indicated we were interested in adoption only.  That changed to choosing to provide respite care to foster families for a weekend or during their vacation.  Our experience with respite fostering has been limited but positive.  It is a great opportunity to get a feel for how our family dynamic works with children of varying needs, and we enjoy having extra children around. 
Fostering with a view is essentially fostering with the agreement that if the children become crown wards without access then the foster family would adopt them legally.  Currently I believe that children in our part of the country are only adoptable when they have a crown ward without access judgement meaning a judge determines whether the best interest for the child is to remove any and all visits with the birth parents/family making them wards of the crown and eligible for adoption or to allow continued visits or the option of visits, even when reunification will not work. The child then remains in long term foster care with access visits for the birth family. 

This can be a risky and emotional roller coaster for the family who wants to adopt the child.  The benefit is children have the potential for less moves throughout their time in the foster system.  The dilemma for the family hoping to adopt is opening their lives to possibility of including this little person or young adult into their lives forever but with the potential that CAS will determine reunification with the birth parent is ideal or a judge will order the child to return to the custody of the birth parent.

If we are to be presented with a fostering with a view to adopt opportunity we would essentially be putting our adoption plans on standstill to foster instead.  It could culminate in an adoption or it may be that we spend years as foster parents while we root for the birth parents to reorganize their lives to better parent.  We have to consider the loss that our family could go through if adoption isn't the outcome.  How would the boys handle that? Chris? or myself?   Will I become as possessive about a foster child as I have heard some foster with a view families can be?  I would hope not but I have learned that until I experience it I don't know how I will deal.

Drawing on success

Chris made us an outline drawing of a generic character a number of months back.  The intention was the boys could create their own customized versions.  We photocopy his version often and let the boys go to town.... I couldn't resist either.  It is a wonderful activity to do with the kids when I just need them sitting down for a bit.

Eoin was struggling at the time with intense frustration over his belief that he had a lack of artistic ability.  His arts may not lay in drawing but he is certainly not un-artistic.  The boy loves music and can pick out most bands on the radio in the first few bars if he has heard them before.  To him though, with two brothers who enjoy drawing it is frustrating to be so "behind".  His fine motor skills are not where his brothers were at his age.  He was beginning to get emotional when just talk of drawing would come up.  Chris in his smarts ;)  decided that maybe he would try giving Eoin a base character and letting him customize.   At first Eoin still struggled but he felt some success.   He tried again and again getting better each time.  His feelings of accomplishment grew quickly.  The boys are fantastic with him and give him encouraging words, never pointing out their own drawings in comparison to Eoin's.  In the past few months with Eoin's growing confidence in his abilities so came some skill itself.  Below is the progression of Eoin's characters and then some of the ones the rest of the family created. Eoin's are all pencil drawings because that is all I could find however for the most part he spends his time photocopying his creations and then colouring them over and over in variations (pencil, marker, watercolour).

Mace guy- early attempt

Super dog mouth early attempt

Guitar dude mid way attempt

Knives late summer attempt

?don't know his name recent attempt

Liss-The most recent attempt who is also the main character in his new story

 And then the boys and my own creations:

Liam's Naavi

Liam's Goblin Bro

Liam "UNFINISHED" Keyblade Knight

Seamus' Goblin

Seamus' Kingdom Hearts dude

Seamus' Link (his favourite fictional person in the whole universe)

Jenn's - Steampunk girl

Jenn's - Peonie

Jenn's-   Wrappin' mama (yep had to do it!)

Jenn's -Slingin' Mama :D