Missing pieces

Feeling a bit off today.  It was quite a productive day.  Chris and I worked in the yard for most of the afternoon and we painted our front door an interesting orange/yellow colour that the jury is still out on.  We had a good afternoon. Despite the great day there still seems to be a cloud of sorts over the house. 

It wasn't until Chris walked into the living room and out of the blue exclaimed "I miss the boys" that I realized it was the boys being gone that was pulling us down.  It has been a lovely time just hanging out together and being accountable only to the recovering dog and ourselves.  I know the boys are having a great time.  They will even be staying over at their aunt's house for the first time. I am excited for all of them and can't wait to hear how it goes.  However it has been over a week now that they have been gone and we are missing them terribly. 

They really are so much fun to have around.  No I don't enjoy the incessant video game discussions or the cooking/cleaning, cooking/cleaning, cooking/cleaning that comes with them being here.  I do miss talking to them.  They are all at fantastic ages.  The first years with three boys under 4 years old was difficult at times.  Even though I loved (still love) being a mother it was challenging to meet the needs of three babies.  Now at this stage they are incredible to be with. They make me laugh every day; they make me laugh until I pee cry.  They are sweet, curious, blunt, helpful....well they are all helpful sometimes and one in particular is helpful all the time.

I don't know how parents look forward to summer break being over.  I get the draw to the break school gives you, believe me I do! What I don't get is how a parent cannot cherish the moments that they do get over the school break and want to hold onto those moments as long as they can. There are only three mothers of older school age children that I have heard talk about the sadness of school starting and how much they are going to miss their children when it starts up in fall.  

The messages parents get through media encourage it.  I get frustrated with the radio spots that start in June emphasizing the break that parents need from kids during the summer.  Perpetuating the idea that children are unruly and uncontrollable irks me.  There is this notion that all parents are counting down the days until school starts. Yes I know that mine don't go to school but even when I am out I get the comments about not knowing how I deal with them all the time.  Really?  They are mine that is how I deal with them, AND I like my children.  They have quirks and behaviours that get under my skin for sure, but I certainly have my own that they could do without.

What if we started spreading the message that parents can like being with their children?   We could encourage the idea that children are fun to be with.  I have been a big believer in framing my children positively.  The way in which we frame children dictates much of how we view our experiences with them.  I may have a child who pushes buttons, who repeatedly asks for the same thing over and over, who talks back at times.  In fact I do have a child like that and at times I can have two like that.  They are highly motivated children who know their rights and advocate well for themselves.  And yes I really do describe them that way.  The times when I have framed them in a negative light, and despite this soap box I stand on I have been known to do this,  I feel worse about them, about me and about my parenting.  Events seem bigger than they are, more desperate even.

This is a topic for another day however....tomorrow maybe? 

Back to missing my own boys. The first week was okay and the break was nice for all of us.  It is nice to be separate for a while when you spend so much time together.  When they were little it was different.  They needed me to care for them and they didn't need or want time away from me.  Now they get sick of me I am sure.  They want a change of scenery, a change of people, new faces, fresh energy. 

I am glad they are having a great time.  It is nice to be able to give them this opportunity to hang out with family when we are not there to interfere.  A week and a half we are realizing is too long for Chris and I.  I do hope they are looking forward to coming home as much as I am looking forward to their homecoming on Wednesday night.