Write On!

My boys are writing.   It is almost 10 pm and they were supposed to be in bed about an hour ago ( I have been up since 5 am so I was ready for them to go to bed an hour ago).   Instead they are writing. They are writing enthusiastically.  Telling of stories between each other, feeding off of each other's ideas, creating involved imaginative worlds, that of all things often stars their webkinz "like" animal collection, happens day in and day out here.  The writing down of these thoughts not so much.  They draw their stories, 'story board' their plays, comics and movies of the future, animate their ideas and tell their stories (over and over and over). They are most recently designing and then creating with scrap material the costumes for their 'stars' but they don't usually write the stories down.   It is hard for me to send them off to bed when they are so excited about putting their words to print.    I enjoy writing, so it thrills me to see them with eyes lit up as they jot down their thoughts.  I don't want to end the flow of thoughts and writings they are producing. 

I attended an Usborne book party a couple weeks ago.  Books are a problem for me.  I love books!  Chris has an even deeper attraction to books I think so it is not like there is a balance in our house; no one to remain sane about the acquiring of print material. This round of book purchases focused on arts and crafts books (can't wait to try them out) as well as "The Usborne Write Your Own Story Book" .  I have other story starter books for the kids and have printed off online resources for story starters but none have seemed to capture their attention like this new resource.

Homeschool- Life school-It is cool to be in our school!

Our official start of our schooling year begins tomorrow.  It was supposed to start last Tuesday but life happens ; ).  No big plans here just going to sit down together and do a wee bit of sheet work and hang out.  Since we practice life learning with a tiny bit of 'curriculum' thrown in we 'school' all the time.  Today Eoin asked to work with the French version of Rosetta Stone language programming, Seamus and Liam worked with Sculpey to design new character models, and I did some tissue paper art.....I will post some pictures when it is finished.     Eoin made the salad for dinner all on his own, with a knife and everything...yikes!  They very thoughtfully worked on their 'talk to me about....breastfeeding' signs.  Curious about that one... you will have wait and see.

This year, like the last, we will have our 'schooling days' on Tues, Wed, and Thurs with a really long weekend on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.  Our 'schooling' hours will be in the a.m and we will be done before lunch....... so don't call me, 'cause you will mess me up!  I would like to get some great 'field trips' in this year too,  any suggestions would be great.  We are going to a special display at the museum this week and then a medieval event at the museum next month.   I am sure we will take a skiing trip... or two if the finances allow.... man that is an expensive sport!!!  We usually go to a Stratford Festival play but here is a secret about me....I HATE MUSICALS, I REALLY DON'T LIKE THEM!!!  I know Stratford doesn't only have musicals and for that I am grateful but the ones that were appropriate for the boys were musicals. Since the boys didn't seem interested in any this year either it probably isn't going to happen.

The boys start the guitar lessons this week too.  Eoin is going into his second year and Liam has decided to give it a whirl.  We bought a new electric guitar that sounds infinitely better than the cheapy one he worked with last year and an amp that will blast the neighbours.  Thank goodness we live in the woods.  Their music teacher is a young guy in his twenties who was an amazing mentor for Eoin last year.  He had just the right amount of cool, humour and motivational attitude.  He doesn't take himself or the lessons too seriously that it makes it unenjoyable for the kids.  Eoin keeps wanting to go back to the lessons which says a lot because Eoin doesn't often like getting up and going to things that are redundant.  I love that the boys can hang out with this guy.

I love homeschooling.... we get to fit all that in with other things on top like Cubs, swimming lessons, meeting with friends, my daytime meetings, dentist appointments, hair cuts, groceries..... and it isn't overwhelming. We don't have the 'over full schedule syndrome' that seems to befall families these days.  We are not running out right after eating,  if there is time to eat together because the kids just got off the bus and it is off to this activity or that activity. We get to enjoy our days, can't beat that in my so humble opinion.  The boys get to live a lower stress life for the time being. Not stress free because....well they have to live with me and I am certainly not a no stress woman.



 

Multi-generational living

My children are back and with them came my parents.  When we moved away from the big city 4 years ago my parents retired early and came to live in our home.  We created, well they created mostly, a separate living space on our lowest level.  It is completely self contained.  In the past 4 years they really haven't been here much, maybe half the time.  My father was not ready to retire, he was ready to retire from his previous job, but not ready to settle into a full retirement.  They go off to work sometimes across our big country and other times they head down south to vacation for a few months.  Each time it tears my mother to pieces.  She adores our children, they both do really.  This is why the boys just returned from being gone for a week and half.  My parents needed to make a pit stop in the big city on their way back from a couple months out west.  They couldn't wait the week to see the boys so off the boys went to stay with my parents.

There are so many benefits to having my parents live with us.  My parents love yard work and we have a big yard to work on, my mother adores raking leaves and we have umpteen million of them to rake each fall, my dad loves to keep busy and we have had many renos to keep him busy, my mom has this weird love for cleaning and I have a house full of boys to make it messy.  Living in a new place has definitely been easier since we have live in babysitters (when they are here that is) and a family connection right down a flight of stairs.

There are so many struggles to having my parents live with us.  My mother lives right down a flight of stairs.  Need I say more?  She is a lovely person, the kind that all our friends wanted as their own.  She is funny, caring, generous, but she is MY mother and so there are years of living with each other that we are forced to confront each and everyday when they are here.  Each "hello" can sometimes have it's own deep dark unique meaning that stems back to when I was sixteen and she said "fill in any annoying parent comment here" to me or to when I was sixteen and screamed "fill in any ridiculously obnoxious teen comment here" to her.   And then there is the added stress of Chris having to share space with his in laws.  Which he does so graciously.  Thank you my love, you are the best!! Top all this off with their leaving and ultimate return back to our nest every few months where we all have to readjust to each other over and over.

Multi-generational living takes patience, humility, love, a sense of humour, honesty with a large dose of respect and acceptance.  I am sure it takes a lot more but those are some of the things that I have needed most and am still working on. 

The boys are back in town

Their smiling faces have lit up our home.  Their giggles have filled the hall, the kitchen, the living room, and every place in between.  They have grown....yes in a week and a half... I measured them and quite literally they seem to have grown.  They are three of the coolest people I will ever meet and I have the pleasure of loving them.

We snuggled up before bed and read a chapter of Fablehaven, Eoin's favourite book series.  Liam cracked the corniest jokes, Seamus snuggled in as close as he could and Eoin took in each and every word I read.  Then it was off to bed....no really off to bed....okay I mean it, off to bed....hey why is the light still on.....off. to. bed!

The quiet nights are gone, the slow pace is gone, the childless couple time is gone.  Back to cooking/cleaning, cooking/cleaning, cooking/cleaning, and then doing it all again the next day.  My days will be filled with answering the same question 20 times, asking the same question 20 times, and reciting the reasons we don't play video games every day.

The quiet nights are gone, the slow pace is gone, the childless couple time is gone.  Back to hearing the chuckles of the secret society of brothers late into the night, being on the receiving end of that smile that melts a heart, kissing 'invisible' ouches that only a parent can see, and listening to jokes that don't quite make sense but you have to laugh anyway.

When we had babies we could not have imagined anything sweeter,  when we had toddlers we could not have imagined anything more fun, when we had preschoolers we could not have imagined anything more engaging. We have school-agers and if you asked two of them we have a school-ager, a tweener and a pre-teen.  No matter what you call them we could not have imagined anything as wonderful as this.


Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close at heart ~Kay Knudsen

Missing pieces

Feeling a bit off today.  It was quite a productive day.  Chris and I worked in the yard for most of the afternoon and we painted our front door an interesting orange/yellow colour that the jury is still out on.  We had a good afternoon. Despite the great day there still seems to be a cloud of sorts over the house. 

It wasn't until Chris walked into the living room and out of the blue exclaimed "I miss the boys" that I realized it was the boys being gone that was pulling us down.  It has been a lovely time just hanging out together and being accountable only to the recovering dog and ourselves.  I know the boys are having a great time.  They will even be staying over at their aunt's house for the first time. I am excited for all of them and can't wait to hear how it goes.  However it has been over a week now that they have been gone and we are missing them terribly. 

They really are so much fun to have around.  No I don't enjoy the incessant video game discussions or the cooking/cleaning, cooking/cleaning, cooking/cleaning that comes with them being here.  I do miss talking to them.  They are all at fantastic ages.  The first years with three boys under 4 years old was difficult at times.  Even though I loved (still love) being a mother it was challenging to meet the needs of three babies.  Now at this stage they are incredible to be with. They make me laugh every day; they make me laugh until I pee cry.  They are sweet, curious, blunt, helpful....well they are all helpful sometimes and one in particular is helpful all the time.

I don't know how parents look forward to summer break being over.  I get the draw to the break school gives you, believe me I do! What I don't get is how a parent cannot cherish the moments that they do get over the school break and want to hold onto those moments as long as they can. There are only three mothers of older school age children that I have heard talk about the sadness of school starting and how much they are going to miss their children when it starts up in fall.  

The messages parents get through media encourage it.  I get frustrated with the radio spots that start in June emphasizing the break that parents need from kids during the summer.  Perpetuating the idea that children are unruly and uncontrollable irks me.  There is this notion that all parents are counting down the days until school starts. Yes I know that mine don't go to school but even when I am out I get the comments about not knowing how I deal with them all the time.  Really?  They are mine that is how I deal with them, AND I like my children.  They have quirks and behaviours that get under my skin for sure, but I certainly have my own that they could do without.

What if we started spreading the message that parents can like being with their children?   We could encourage the idea that children are fun to be with.  I have been a big believer in framing my children positively.  The way in which we frame children dictates much of how we view our experiences with them.  I may have a child who pushes buttons, who repeatedly asks for the same thing over and over, who talks back at times.  In fact I do have a child like that and at times I can have two like that.  They are highly motivated children who know their rights and advocate well for themselves.  And yes I really do describe them that way.  The times when I have framed them in a negative light, and despite this soap box I stand on I have been known to do this,  I feel worse about them, about me and about my parenting.  Events seem bigger than they are, more desperate even.

This is a topic for another day however....tomorrow maybe? 

Back to missing my own boys. The first week was okay and the break was nice for all of us.  It is nice to be separate for a while when you spend so much time together.  When they were little it was different.  They needed me to care for them and they didn't need or want time away from me.  Now they get sick of me I am sure.  They want a change of scenery, a change of people, new faces, fresh energy. 

I am glad they are having a great time.  It is nice to be able to give them this opportunity to hang out with family when we are not there to interfere.  A week and a half we are realizing is too long for Chris and I.  I do hope they are looking forward to coming home as much as I am looking forward to their homecoming on Wednesday night.

Ambivalence

Walking downtown the other day it hit me that my feelings on growing our family are in stark contrast.  I was enjoying a stroll down the two blocks that contains the mainstay of the downtown area realizing that it is lovely to be at a point in life where I get more solo time.  I can go for walks every evening on the beach with my husband, the boys are easily entertained if I am trying to ravish a book that I am into and I can even just go to bed if the boys want to stay up.  Life is pretty easy right now.  Interestingly almost every time someone finds out that I have three school aged boys they exclaim "wow you must really be busy".  I am not busy for the most part.  They are pretty self sufficient and they like each other's company.  I am not sure what more I could ask for.

Or maybe I am sure what I could ask for. I could ask for a bigger family. I could ask my husband and children to consider opening their hearts and home.

There are days, moments even, where I envision our future as a larger family.  I feel like that is where life will lead us and it makes me happy, excited.  Having a placement of a sibling group in our home takes up much of my thinking space.  I wonder if it will be girls or boys, I wonder about the ages and how the boys will fair with the change.  I want it to happen. I want to get the call and have it come soon. 

There are days, moments even, where I think I don't want to go through this uncertainty.  I feel like it is just easier to keep things the same.  Enjoy our family as it is, take in all the moments with the boys and live like we are done growing our family.  I wonder if I really want to give up my long walks, my quiet moments with boys who are at fabulous ages.  I think about the major life changes an adoption or foster placement will bring about and whether we want that. 

There are days, moments even,  where I think I just want a bigger family and I want it now.   I feel like it would be simpler if Chris went to get a vasectomy reversal.  I would LOVE to be pregnant again and LOVE even more to give birth again.  This time in our new home, near our fireplace, maybe even with the boys there if they choose.  I would be thrilled at the idea of being able to use my slings again (if I can find them all and get them back from whoever borrowed them), and sharing those precious nursing moments with a new baby.

There are days, moments even, when my thoughts jump to each one of these options.  I am ambivalent.

Does ambivalence mean we are not ready to adopt?  No absolutely not. If we received a call today that was a match for us we would no doubt move forward with that journey in our life, embrace it and it would be the best it could be.  Does ambivalence mean that we should just continue without changing the size of our family because I cherish my new alone time?  No absolutely not.  Alone time will come again in a few years.  Does ambivalence mean that we should conceive more children?  No absolutely not.  As much as I would soar being pregnant and giving birth again, I think I will still want to consider adoption and it is a lot to ask of Chris to go through surgery again.

There are days, moments even, when my choice can be any one of these.  I am ambivalent, but I want clarity.

To clean or not to clean

Want to help me procrastinate?  I have no children at home... a rarity and therefore I have no excuse to not clean my house.

 I DON'T WANT TO CLEAN THE HOUSE!

Can you hear the whine in my voice?  It is there I assure you.  I know I will feel great about it when it is done and I will be glad to have done it and will feel productive as well. I just don't want to get started.  Really I don't want to keep going because I have already vacuumed the living room and the couch, and pull out the fridge and stove.......YUCK!!!

Do I have to do it? No of course not but to not take advantage of three whirlwinds following me around messing up behind me would be silly! And I do love the look of the house when it is clean. Coming through the front door and seeing a clean kitchen counter and swept floors makes me feel happy.

So I suppose I will get back to it...........oh wait it is time for me to head into town for a meeting.... darn, guess I will pick it up later.

Thank you for your support in my efforts to procrastinate.