Good intentions week starts Tuesday. Most children will be heading off to school for their 1st year or their 12th. We will be starting what I am going to call good intentions week. Although the outcome whether the intentions are fulfilled or not is nether good nor bad, it just 'is'. So I suppose 'good' intentions is a misnomer and implies that I feel I am failing if I don't meet my own intentions. So another good name might be ambitious intentions week, or "getting caught up in it all" intentions week. I am not sure why when this time of year rolls around I feel like we have to jump on the "back to" train. We don't have to go 'back to school' in September. There is no law about the school year beginning in September and ending in June or being focused 9-3 on Monday through Friday. My guess is it is just entrenched in me from my own 13 year school career (not including post secondary). It really is a hard one to shake. We have never followed a traditionally or really mainstream education schedule or process. We are so far from that but every September I get caught up on the preparation bug.
I have sent in our intention to homeschool letter, early this year even. It is not a required letter, and in fact had Seamus and Liam not been enrolled part time for the very short period a couple of years ago the school board wouldn't know they exist. Now that they are on the radar the school board asks for this letter of intent. The letter itself is all a family need to do to indicate they are providing adequate education. Since Eoin was never enrolled in school I am not required to send in a letter for him but I include him anyway.
I have purchased fresh notebooks and pencils. Almost all have been confiscated already to become sketch books. This home seems it is never without someone drawing or doodling. We will be cleaning up the downstairs 'school' room that is currently a sea of action figures. The desks will get organized and washed, Eoin likes his nice and shiny. We are in talks about the goals for the year and reasonable expectations. Do we get up early or is it better to wake up slower and work in the afternoon?
Whether or not we 'school' or we take our usual laid back approach September seems to be a fresh start of sorts. I am a sucker for an opportunity to make changes.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Apathetic (adj.) [ap-uh thet-ik]
For many homeschooling mothers, or mothers who 'swim against the current' it can be easy to wonder if you are doing the right thing. Deep down you know it is what is right for you family but the little doubts can creep in from time to time. With life learning in particular the lack of planned learning and set curriculum makes it challenging at first to know we are 'doing right' by our children. That is it can be challenging for those of us coming from a culture entrenched in the belief that institutional schooling is the gold standard and only choice. I am not free of those doubts at times and as I have said in previous posts there are things my children miss out on because they are not in school. Comparing a schooled child and homeschooled child is a tricky thing. Homeschooling, specifically environments where the set curriculum of the school system is not followed, like life learning, cannot easily be compared. For example in life learning it is not uncommon for a child to begin reading at 9 or even beyond and go on to be proficient readers. Reading is not often 'taught' in a life learning environment but rather allowed to develop and is supported. At least that is how it is in our family. There are things that schooled children have been taught that my children don't know or are not proficient at. And there are areas that my children would not have been able to develop had they been in school.
The comparison trap that so many parents get into from the moment the find out they are pregnant is still a snare even as children grow. Are 'her' children better because they are sports oriented and play hockey, soccer, baseball....., is that child better because he is talented in music and can play guitar, piano and violin at 8, does that parent have the 'right stuff' because their child is outgoing and charismatic? The comparisons do both the children and the parents injustice. How often do we use these comparisons and do not question where the status quo originated in the first place?
So how do we know that we are doing the right thing? There are no hard and fast rules, there is no prescribed way that will guarantee a favourable outcome. We have to depend on our own gut, our instincts and inner voice that tell us if what we are doing feels comfortable. We also have to be open to new ideas and taking what may seem like an uncharted journey. Chances are though others have been there before you so find support systems and circles of friends to talk about the challenges of navigating the unknown. We have to own our decisions.
This post idea started out as a simple share a moment kind of post on something the boys said yesterday. It reminded me that we are doing okay with homeschooling in our family despite how obscure the outcome can seem sometimes. Yesterday they gave me a personal tangible piece of evidence that I am not doing 'wrong' by them or limiting them. It is a simple thing but for me it holds value. It means that I am giving them opportunity to absorb information around them without too much contrived teaching.
At the last minute I was finalizing my meeting plan for my LLL meeting. It was a hectic moment and I needed confirmation that I was using a word appropriately. Although I knew the meaning I wanted to confirm my use of the word "apathetic" so I asked Chris what he would say the meaning was. Without giving Chris a moment to respond Seamus (11) and Liam (10) opened their mouths sounding like verbal dictionaries. From the table I heard them talking over each other describing to me what they thought apathetic meant using the terms "not caring, being completely unaware of peoples needs,
thinking about only your own things and not caring for others needs and not being sympathetic". I sat for a minute a little astonished that they knew the general meaning of the word and how it could be used. I asked them if maybe we had used the word apathetic as one of our words of the day in the last couple weeks but that didn't seem to be the case. They were just familiar with the meaning and confidently so. I am so used to hearing them talk incessantly about video games and designing video games and the ideas for video games that I was beginning to wonder if they were absorbing or really being absorbed by anything more than video games. I realized (again) at that moment that they are open to the world around them. They are aware of what they hear, are able to take it in, process it and on their own use that information. I didn't need to teach them the meaning of apathetic nor the spelling (although at this point Liam or Eoin's version of the spelling would be creative.... readable, discernible and maybe not correct but creative none the less). They knew the meaning of apathy through living life. Maybe they learned it from playing a video game even :D.
The comparison trap that so many parents get into from the moment the find out they are pregnant is still a snare even as children grow. Are 'her' children better because they are sports oriented and play hockey, soccer, baseball....., is that child better because he is talented in music and can play guitar, piano and violin at 8, does that parent have the 'right stuff' because their child is outgoing and charismatic? The comparisons do both the children and the parents injustice. How often do we use these comparisons and do not question where the status quo originated in the first place?
So how do we know that we are doing the right thing? There are no hard and fast rules, there is no prescribed way that will guarantee a favourable outcome. We have to depend on our own gut, our instincts and inner voice that tell us if what we are doing feels comfortable. We also have to be open to new ideas and taking what may seem like an uncharted journey. Chances are though others have been there before you so find support systems and circles of friends to talk about the challenges of navigating the unknown. We have to own our decisions.
This post idea started out as a simple share a moment kind of post on something the boys said yesterday. It reminded me that we are doing okay with homeschooling in our family despite how obscure the outcome can seem sometimes. Yesterday they gave me a personal tangible piece of evidence that I am not doing 'wrong' by them or limiting them. It is a simple thing but for me it holds value. It means that I am giving them opportunity to absorb information around them without too much contrived teaching.
At the last minute I was finalizing my meeting plan for my LLL meeting. It was a hectic moment and I needed confirmation that I was using a word appropriately. Although I knew the meaning I wanted to confirm my use of the word "apathetic" so I asked Chris what he would say the meaning was. Without giving Chris a moment to respond Seamus (11) and Liam (10) opened their mouths sounding like verbal dictionaries. From the table I heard them talking over each other describing to me what they thought apathetic meant using the terms "not caring, being completely unaware of peoples needs,
thinking about only your own things and not caring for others needs and not being sympathetic". I sat for a minute a little astonished that they knew the general meaning of the word and how it could be used. I asked them if maybe we had used the word apathetic as one of our words of the day in the last couple weeks but that didn't seem to be the case. They were just familiar with the meaning and confidently so. I am so used to hearing them talk incessantly about video games and designing video games and the ideas for video games that I was beginning to wonder if they were absorbing or really being absorbed by anything more than video games. I realized (again) at that moment that they are open to the world around them. They are aware of what they hear, are able to take it in, process it and on their own use that information. I didn't need to teach them the meaning of apathetic nor the spelling (although at this point Liam or Eoin's version of the spelling would be creative.... readable, discernible and maybe not correct but creative none the less). They knew the meaning of apathy through living life. Maybe they learned it from playing a video game even :D.
Words on a white board
When we finshed the boys new room we put up a white board for them. My original thought was for them to be able to doodle or write notes for themselves. The first night they had it up we decided to add a picture and little note for them to wake up to along with a new word and quote. They loved it and the next night they brought me the board to my room to make sure that it was fresh for the morning. I can tell you that on a few nights when we have arrived home in the wee hours the last thing I want to do is take the time to research words and quotes or be creative with a new picture....however the last thing they say when they go to sleep is "don't forget to do the board".
It is also a nice way for Chris to send the a personal message now that he is back to work from his vacation time. I am grateful as well that he is sharing in the task each night. Actually he has taken more of it on than I have. It is funny how the little things make such a big impact.
It is also a nice way for Chris to send the a personal message now that he is back to work from his vacation time. I am grateful as well that he is sharing in the task each night. Actually he has taken more of it on than I have. It is funny how the little things make such a big impact.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Parenting blunder
We are not always at our shining best. There are times that we will, as my children say so frequently, "epically fail". With my husband's permission I thought I would share one of his not so bright moments. I have my own of course but his are so much funnier.
He was not in the most chipper of moods last night, not a bad mood really just not a good mood. After a long round of family Carcassone (a tile based game) he asked the boys to head off to brush their teeth and hop into bed. Giving them a bit to complete the task, Chris heads upstairs to see them off to bed. I hear him ask our youngest " Eoin have you brushed your teeth yet?". I am assuming Chris was doubtful that the answer was going to be favourable because he next stated "If you tell me no you are going to be in trouble". Where was Eoin to go with this? It was a complete set up. Eoin was being pushed to lie to his dad about brushing his teeth. An unintentional set up, but a conundrum none the less for Eoin. Eoin piped up in his usual style and exclaimed with a goofy look (half amused, half unsure). "ummm Dad if I tell you I brushed my teeth I will get in trouble for lying and if I tell you the truth I will still get in trouble..................sooooooo..........I am going with no I didn't brush my teeth".
Good for Eoin for standing up for himself and for Chris who was able to see the humour and utter silliness of the situation later on. I certainly got a few good laughs out of it.
He was not in the most chipper of moods last night, not a bad mood really just not a good mood. After a long round of family Carcassone (a tile based game) he asked the boys to head off to brush their teeth and hop into bed. Giving them a bit to complete the task, Chris heads upstairs to see them off to bed. I hear him ask our youngest " Eoin have you brushed your teeth yet?". I am assuming Chris was doubtful that the answer was going to be favourable because he next stated "If you tell me no you are going to be in trouble". Where was Eoin to go with this? It was a complete set up. Eoin was being pushed to lie to his dad about brushing his teeth. An unintentional set up, but a conundrum none the less for Eoin. Eoin piped up in his usual style and exclaimed with a goofy look (half amused, half unsure). "ummm Dad if I tell you I brushed my teeth I will get in trouble for lying and if I tell you the truth I will still get in trouble..................sooooooo..........I am going with no I didn't brush my teeth".
Good for Eoin for standing up for himself and for Chris who was able to see the humour and utter silliness of the situation later on. I certainly got a few good laughs out of it.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
3BoysCreate an Animation Short
I am the very proud mama of 3 boys who just completed their very first animation short. Each one had some input to varying degrees and shared great ideas. Here is the URL to find their movie. It was in response to a contest where each submission had to answer the question "Why did the chicken cross the road". This is their submission.
3BoysCreate Youtube animation short
3BoysCreate Youtube animation short
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Accepting the gray in life
Yesterday morning when I woke up I was quickly joined by my youngest who crawled out of his own bed and climbed under the covers for a good morning cuddle. What a lovely way to wake up; the smiling face of someone who loves you unconditionally. I laid quietly with him snuggled into my arm just listening to him chatter on about anything and everything. He is a happy guy most times but in the morning he has the most genuine contented look on his face.
Monday morning at our LLL enrichment meeting the topic of discussion was parenting in shades of gray. We talked about the "yes" and "oh hell no" things we thought we would or would never do as parents before we became parents. Experience changes things. Beliefs can turn from clear cut to the shades of gray quickly. As an 'expert' in childrearing before I became a parent, affirmed in my mind even more by the fact that I was trained in early childhood development, there were very clear things that I would or would not do.
Woulds:
Be the boss
Go back to work (at least part time)
Put my children in French immersion
Revised Woulds:
Try to be a fair parent
Homeschool
Stay home happily for 12 years and going
Would nots:
Let the children in our bed
Spank
Nurse after they could talk
Change my lifestyle because of children
Revised Would nots:
Have my babies sleep in another room
SPANK *this will be a would not/ hell no forever*
Wean before they are ready, even beyond first words
Take back my lifestyle without children ever
I clearly remember sharing with a parent who wanted my advice as a professional on what to do with her 2 year old who would get up in the night and join them in their room. My sound advice? Put up a gate so she can't get out of the room and after a few nights she will probably just give up trying to get their attention. Worst advice EVER! If I had followed my own advice there are so many precious moments with each of our boys cuddled in next to us that we would never give up even for more bedspace through their younger years. And I am here to scream at the top of my lungs....Co-sleeping did not lead to bad habits sleeping habits! The only habit that came from co-sleeping was being attentive to our children and learning to appreciate the moments that are gone too fast as they grow.
There are only a few things now that are in a clear cut category for us, the rest we have come to realize could at some time become a gray area. We will not limit ourselves to what we thought we would do because that is the way it is done.
Monday morning at our LLL enrichment meeting the topic of discussion was parenting in shades of gray. We talked about the "yes" and "oh hell no" things we thought we would or would never do as parents before we became parents. Experience changes things. Beliefs can turn from clear cut to the shades of gray quickly. As an 'expert' in childrearing before I became a parent, affirmed in my mind even more by the fact that I was trained in early childhood development, there were very clear things that I would or would not do.
Woulds:
Be the boss
Go back to work (at least part time)
Put my children in French immersion
Revised Woulds:
Try to be a fair parent
Homeschool
Stay home happily for 12 years and going
Would nots:
Let the children in our bed
Spank
Nurse after they could talk
Change my lifestyle because of children
Revised Would nots:
Have my babies sleep in another room
SPANK *this will be a would not/ hell no forever*
Wean before they are ready, even beyond first words
Take back my lifestyle without children ever
I clearly remember sharing with a parent who wanted my advice as a professional on what to do with her 2 year old who would get up in the night and join them in their room. My sound advice? Put up a gate so she can't get out of the room and after a few nights she will probably just give up trying to get their attention. Worst advice EVER! If I had followed my own advice there are so many precious moments with each of our boys cuddled in next to us that we would never give up even for more bedspace through their younger years. And I am here to scream at the top of my lungs....Co-sleeping did not lead to bad habits sleeping habits! The only habit that came from co-sleeping was being attentive to our children and learning to appreciate the moments that are gone too fast as they grow.
There are only a few things now that are in a clear cut category for us, the rest we have come to realize could at some time become a gray area. We will not limit ourselves to what we thought we would do because that is the way it is done.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Adoption talk
The progress in growing our family is moving slowly. In June I shared that we expressed interest in a sibling group of three young girls and inspite of the busy, busy week long placement of the 2 different young children last month we were still excited to learn more about the sibling group. Not entirely sure we want to go back to having toddlers and preschoolers but we are still open to considering it. We just found out last week that indeed the Children's Aid was moving foward with a local family for the sibling group. We were just too much of a distance to be considered a good match. Since the siblings were not yet crown wards but instead a foster with a view to adopt situation there would have been twice weekly trips two hours away for at least one year.
It was a bit of a blow and we took a few days to let the wound heal. Grieving the loss of what could have been. I understand the reasoning and the travel certainly would have not been in their best interest. Despite that it is something we have to move forward from and that is not always easy.
Patience in this is hard and equally difficult is trusting that there may be more opportunities in the future. It is often difficult for people to believe that adopting older children and beyond that adopting children of sibling groups more than two still takes a long time. It is hard to imagine a family who has been approved to adopt, thus being picked apart and judged to be a "good" family, having to wait 4 or more years despite being interested in adopting 2 or more siblings into school-ages. It happens a lot. No doubt there are families who are approved to adopt and opportunities happen within the first year but that is not certainly the norm.
We are just approaching one year since I made the first contact with our local CAS and only a couple of months since our adopt eligibility so we most likely have a long road ahead. It would be nice if the right situation came along more quickly but for now I am grateful for our family as it is and will continue to strive for patience in this process.
It was a bit of a blow and we took a few days to let the wound heal. Grieving the loss of what could have been. I understand the reasoning and the travel certainly would have not been in their best interest. Despite that it is something we have to move forward from and that is not always easy.
Patience in this is hard and equally difficult is trusting that there may be more opportunities in the future. It is often difficult for people to believe that adopting older children and beyond that adopting children of sibling groups more than two still takes a long time. It is hard to imagine a family who has been approved to adopt, thus being picked apart and judged to be a "good" family, having to wait 4 or more years despite being interested in adopting 2 or more siblings into school-ages. It happens a lot. No doubt there are families who are approved to adopt and opportunities happen within the first year but that is not certainly the norm.
We are just approaching one year since I made the first contact with our local CAS and only a couple of months since our adopt eligibility so we most likely have a long road ahead. It would be nice if the right situation came along more quickly but for now I am grateful for our family as it is and will continue to strive for patience in this process.
Monday, August 15, 2011
bedposts and.....actually no bedposts
I think I have shared previously that I am a changer, a hair changer, a furniture changer, a paint changer....I like to mix things up. Whether it is simply moving the couch from sectional to separate pieces or a full bathroom reno I like the results of change. This winter and into the spring we were working on changing the boys room...again. Really the "we" part of the equation is mostly my father and Chris who diligently planed the rough maple one by one and then put the bed together. I got the fun job of painting and design. I am thrilled with the results!
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