A couple conceives a baby. There may or may not have been prior conversations or a conscious decision to start or expand a family. It is even possible that each partner has attended a parenting course at some point during their secondary school years having taken care of an egg baby with a smiley face on it.
Decisions have to be made and plans put in place once a couple decides to attempt to conceive or find themselves in a position where a pregnancy has already occurred. The very first decision after conception is determine whether to carry forward with the pregnancy and parent the child, which for some is simple and for others not so simple and will include difficult and serious considerations. With the choice though to embrace the parenting journey many couples or individuals begin the rights of passage that come along with having a baby. Preparations can revolve around picking names, planning birth choices,shopping for all the adorable baby clothes, taking birthing classes and preparing the baby's room. It can be a wonderful process filled with hope and promise.
What does not usually occur is filling out forms, applications, police checks, mandatory training courses, personal interviews, scoring methods and evaluations. Expectant parents usually do not have to explain why they want to parent a child and how they will care for the child. Expectant parents do not normally need to share with someone what their own relationship is like, how they met, who they most trusted as a child and whether they were ever traumatized themselves through loss or abuse. There is probably no one who is asking the couple for a personal financial portfolio or the amount of insurance they have on their life, home,car.
This is not the usual occurrence when choosing to expand or create a family. It is part of the process included in becoming an adoptive or foster parent . And although I truly believe becoming a parent should not be regulated there are some parts of the adoption process that could be helpful preparation for becoming a parent through whatever means.
Individuals and couples looking to adopt or foster often feel like they have to "jump through hoops" to become a parent. It can be hard to open your life and family up to be examined so closely. It can certainly be hard to be patient as you hand the decision over to an outside source to determine whether you would be suitable. Is all of it necessary when there are people who want to love a child and so many children who need to be loved?
Absolutely! The public agencies working toward child safety and permanency in those children's lives are not looking for "perfect parents". If they were they would not find a single one out there. The role of Resource Workers within Children's Services programs are different than that of the Child Protection Workers. In looking at people who show interest in fostering and adoption they are not attempting to find things wrong with those people but rather ensure they have the personalities and skills necessary to parent children who have most likely faced trauma and loss. They need to ensure to the best of their ability that they are placing children in safe homes.
There are too many school aged children in need of permanent homes. For families who are interested in embracing these children, accepting the reality that it may take years to get a placement or that it may never even happen is not easy. It would stand to reason that the majority if not all families who express an interest in adopting feel they are suitable. These families know there is a need to be filled and want to fill it. Putting your life under a telescope to only be told that you are not acceptable candidates or that you are not a match for a particular child is beyond difficult.
Chris and I have not yet been told we are unsuitable and we have not been told that we will be accepted as an adopt ready family either. We are pretty confident in our own family environment and our ability to parent, however finishing up our homestudy process with our last interview with a Resource Worker tomorrow brings to forth a number of emotions. It is not unlike praying not to be picked last for a game of school yard dodge ball. Who wants to feel rejected? And no matter how much I stand behind the importance of the process and screening that we are being asked to go through it doesn't mean that I will feel good to be told that we don't measure up. It doesn't matter that friends and family believe we are ideal. It doesn't matter if we feel we have a lot to offer. We have no control over the process and could easily be turned away when the report comes back in.
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