In my last post I touched on my belief that homeschooled children are different. That statement standing alone can have a negative vibes. Does it mean that they are eccentric, introverted, loners, or maybe odd ducks? Possibly some are. It should be obvious that the statement is not claiming that all homeschooled children are the same and that they are as a group completely different than schooled children. Homeschooled children, in my experience, tend to be different in many ways from children who are schooled. For each child those differences will vary depending on the family culture, their community, the level of their involvement in mainstream activities and so many other variables. But they are different... and of course the same in many ways as well.
Children in home learning families seem to have more freedom to be themselves for a longer period of childhood. They tend to be more authentic and express themselves in such a way. No doubt the more they are exposed to mainstream culture or activities that group same aged groups of children together the more they can feel the outside pressures to conform to what may be socially acceptable for their age. Please note that what may be deemed socially acceptable by either their peers or adults may not equal age appropriate or developmentally appropriate. They are not one in the same.
Children who live in home learning environments do not often have to live by the rules enforced within a school, whether the rules are institutionally imposed or socially peer imposed. It may not be odd to see an 8 year old engaged in an activity or conversation with a 12 year old. There is no one who has told the pre-teen that talking to an 8 year old is beneath him. There are clear distinctions in school situations between grade levels. Age is a coveted status.
One of the boys' schooled friends had befriended our youngest first when we moved here. He did not know Eoin's age at the time since they are similar sizes, our youngest is actually bigger than this child who is 3 years older. Now that he knows Eoin's age he is reluctant to admit that he played with Eoin before becoming Seamus' friend. Other friends have not known how to include Liam and Eoin in their interactions with Seamus. In time they have come to realize that they Liam and Eoin have a lot in common with them as well and are not just Seamus' "little brothers". It has left a bit of a mark on the younger two even still. They learned quickly that Seamus was preferred and despite the developing interest in their own friendships from "Seamus' friends" they still feel like they are tag alongs who are second rate to their big brother.
It is easier to be yourself when there is less influence on whether your interests fall in line with the majority. Seamus today put on a costume. In a full blown cos-play costume from head to toe he was Link from the Zelda video game series. It didn't even dawn on him that boys in grade 6 might frown upon the idea of dressing up. Could this be viewed as eccentric? Maybe. He is aware enough to know that costume play is not a public event outside of costume parties and Halloween. You know what, maybe it did dawn on him that boys in Grade 6 would frown on his choice of activity but chose to be true to himself and do what he wanted.
Liam draws and sculpts things out of clay (the remoldable kind in many colours) probably 40% of his waking hours. That is most certainly different than the majority of 10 year olds and Eoin has no problem picking the girl characters when they play video games. Both boys would stand a considerable chance of being rebuked by their peers for their choices. They will have time enough when the world at large disapproves of what they do. They get enough social cues in the experiences they have now that the added daily pressure to go with the crowd would just be unnecessary.
My boys are different and they are the same. They are normal just not typical. But I am learning that it is okay not to be typical when typical means 10 year old boys can feel free to curse at a cub Leader and his fellow cubs with little to no turning of heads. It is fine with me that they are not typical because they are not watching Family Guy well before they mentally prepared for the content. It is absolutely fine with me that they are not typical because they like hanging out together despite their age differences and fine with me that it is not typical for an 11 year old to be more interested in old fashioned pretend play than looking up the new video of a half naked woman his classmates told him about.
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