Chris and I began this adoption journey 14 years ago. That is when we first attended a how to adopt seminar. We weren't even married yet. The focus of that information night was on international adoption as it was picking up speed around then. There were a couple families a part of the panel who were either foster families or who had adopted through the Children's Aid society but the main focus was on international adoption. We left the night with some good information but with the feeling that if we were to ever adopt we would want to meet a need in Canada. Not long after we were married we were pregnant and the idea of adoption took a back seat. It never left our minds and has been discussed a number of times through our 13 years of marriage.
After the birth of our third son we had decided not to have more children. Three boys in three years time was enough to put me on the agreeing side of actively ending our chances of getting pregnant again. I had wonderful pregnancies and absolutely loved giving birth but three babies was a lot to handle at the time. About a year after Chris' vasectomy we both realized our decision was rash and had been based on the stress of having the children so close together. We both regretted not having a bigger family and discussed a vasectomy reversal however financially it was not a viable option. We lamented our previous choice but went on and enjoyed the family we were blessed with.
Jump ahead a number of years to when our sons were 9, 8, and 6. We were just feeling settled in a new home, in a new town, with his new job and the topic of growing our family came about again. This time a vasectomy reversal was something we could afford. However considering the time it would take to meet with a surgeon, schedule a surgery, hope it would take and then get pregnant it would mean probably a 8 or 9 year gap between the ages of our two youngest. The large age gap was not something that interested us. Along with Chris' understandable reluctance to go under the knife again we chose not to grow our family through conceiving for ourselves. We began to discuss the possibility of adoption again. This discussion was much more in depth and serious than previous times. Through those long talks and some tears we came to the conclusion that adoption was not right for us. We grieved some over the loss of growing our family at that time.
A year later still feeling the pull to grow our family, Chris and I began to talk once more on whether we wanted more children. Again the idea of a vasectomy reversal came into play and still does occasionally but we both know we do not want to begin with raising a baby again...no matter how much I want to give birth . So he suggested opening ourselves up to seriously considering adoption. This time I made the scary call to the local Children's Aid Society. Making the call meant that we were probably going to see this through to a point where very difficult decisions would have to be made. I also called a family member who happens to be an adoption resource worker in another part of our province. I had expected much doom and gloom from him about the challenges of adopting a child who has been through foster care but his information although honest and upfront about the challenges was positive and encouraging.
With the short call to CAS I found out that there would be a 9 week PRIDE training course coming up at the end of the month and we would be invited. We decided to attend. It was exciting and terrifying. I had heard that the wait times for the training course in Ontario were upwards to a year or more. As pleased as I was to get into one right away it also meant that we were starting down a path that could end in a major life changing event.
The PRIDE sessions ended just before December of this past year and we had decided to submit our application, police and social services clearances to move forward with the process further. There have been some times where I have had to call and make sure that the right person received a document or ensure that the documents had been submitted but for the most part with only a little advocating for ourselves the process has been smooth and in January we were informed that our clearances had all come back we were being assigned a Resource worker to begin our Homestudy.
The Homestudy went by quickly as well. I had expected the multiple interviews to take place over months but rather they were completed within 3 weeks in February with a short follow up in March. Our resource worker had just returned from a maternity leave only the week before, her case load was only just beginning to grow. Fortunately for us it meant she had a number of openings to accommodate our interviews. We very much enjoyed meeting with her. She was warm and easy to talk with. Although the questions were involved and we had to be very open about our relationship, families and childhood it was a pleasant experience. Waiting in between the interviews even though they were only days apart was more difficult. It was hard not to wonder if we had said anything wrong that would put us in a negative light. I worried a lot about how our laid back homeschool style would affect our suitability or whether the house was not safe enough because of our pool.
Twice a year the Ministry of Children and Youth Services hosts an Adoption Resource Exchange in Toronto where social workers from across Ontario present children's files who are crown wards and have not easily been placed with adoptive families in their own areas. Back in October we considered attending. Ultimately we decided that we did not want to put ourselves in a position where we felt a pull toward any of the children presented before going through the process and really knowing if we wanted to move forward and so we did not attend. Another opportunity to attend the spring event is coming up at the beginning of April. We have again wavered back and forth over whether we should attend or not. We have not had our AdoptReady status approved as of yet and do not know if it will come back before April. Once more we don't want to put ourselves in a position where we feel the pull toward any particular child only to find out a week later we are not approved. I am not anticpating being told we are unsuitable but you never know. Our decision has gone back and forth so many times. In the end we have decided we are going to attend. I am nervous and excited. We may learn about a child who will ultimately become part of our family while we are there. We may express interest in a child only to find out another family is more suitable. This is such a process of unknowns and many waits.
No matter where we go from here I do not think we will regret having opened ourselves to this process. It has been quite a life experience.
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