Lights out everyone? To be honest I didn't even know Earth Hour was being acknowledged today until I read it on msn.ca. I don't know if I would have even remembered there was such an event.....I did say I was semi-crunchy. And that is probably where the semi comes in. We certainly do a number of things to be respectful of this planet however I do not think I could be labelled particularly environmental focused. Tonight we did observe the one hour lights out event for Earth Hour. We were enjoying Earth Hour so much that it stretched to closer to two hours without lights and any electronic devices. We passed our time playing board games by the fireplace surrounded by candles. We started out with some hot chocolate and a game of Scribble-ish by Cranium and then moved on to Tribond. It was nice to sit by the candlelight giggling with each other.
Skip ahead an hour and here I sit at the computer writing a blog and the boys and Chris are each playing video games. So much for energy reduction. Tonight's experience though has moved me to think that maybe we will try to set up a 1-2 hour electricity free night every week. Who says game night can't be by candlelight every week?
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Adoption journey......so far
Chris and I began this adoption journey 14 years ago. That is when we first attended a how to adopt seminar. We weren't even married yet. The focus of that information night was on international adoption as it was picking up speed around then. There were a couple families a part of the panel who were either foster families or who had adopted through the Children's Aid society but the main focus was on international adoption. We left the night with some good information but with the feeling that if we were to ever adopt we would want to meet a need in Canada. Not long after we were married we were pregnant and the idea of adoption took a back seat. It never left our minds and has been discussed a number of times through our 13 years of marriage.
After the birth of our third son we had decided not to have more children. Three boys in three years time was enough to put me on the agreeing side of actively ending our chances of getting pregnant again. I had wonderful pregnancies and absolutely loved giving birth but three babies was a lot to handle at the time. About a year after Chris' vasectomy we both realized our decision was rash and had been based on the stress of having the children so close together. We both regretted not having a bigger family and discussed a vasectomy reversal however financially it was not a viable option. We lamented our previous choice but went on and enjoyed the family we were blessed with.
Jump ahead a number of years to when our sons were 9, 8, and 6. We were just feeling settled in a new home, in a new town, with his new job and the topic of growing our family came about again. This time a vasectomy reversal was something we could afford. However considering the time it would take to meet with a surgeon, schedule a surgery, hope it would take and then get pregnant it would mean probably a 8 or 9 year gap between the ages of our two youngest. The large age gap was not something that interested us. Along with Chris' understandable reluctance to go under the knife again we chose not to grow our family through conceiving for ourselves. We began to discuss the possibility of adoption again. This discussion was much more in depth and serious than previous times. Through those long talks and some tears we came to the conclusion that adoption was not right for us. We grieved some over the loss of growing our family at that time.
A year later still feeling the pull to grow our family, Chris and I began to talk once more on whether we wanted more children. Again the idea of a vasectomy reversal came into play and still does occasionally but we both know we do not want to begin with raising a baby again...no matter how much I want to give birth . So he suggested opening ourselves up to seriously considering adoption. This time I made the scary call to the local Children's Aid Society. Making the call meant that we were probably going to see this through to a point where very difficult decisions would have to be made. I also called a family member who happens to be an adoption resource worker in another part of our province. I had expected much doom and gloom from him about the challenges of adopting a child who has been through foster care but his information although honest and upfront about the challenges was positive and encouraging.
With the short call to CAS I found out that there would be a 9 week PRIDE training course coming up at the end of the month and we would be invited. We decided to attend. It was exciting and terrifying. I had heard that the wait times for the training course in Ontario were upwards to a year or more. As pleased as I was to get into one right away it also meant that we were starting down a path that could end in a major life changing event.
The PRIDE sessions ended just before December of this past year and we had decided to submit our application, police and social services clearances to move forward with the process further. There have been some times where I have had to call and make sure that the right person received a document or ensure that the documents had been submitted but for the most part with only a little advocating for ourselves the process has been smooth and in January we were informed that our clearances had all come back we were being assigned a Resource worker to begin our Homestudy.
The Homestudy went by quickly as well. I had expected the multiple interviews to take place over months but rather they were completed within 3 weeks in February with a short follow up in March. Our resource worker had just returned from a maternity leave only the week before, her case load was only just beginning to grow. Fortunately for us it meant she had a number of openings to accommodate our interviews. We very much enjoyed meeting with her. She was warm and easy to talk with. Although the questions were involved and we had to be very open about our relationship, families and childhood it was a pleasant experience. Waiting in between the interviews even though they were only days apart was more difficult. It was hard not to wonder if we had said anything wrong that would put us in a negative light. I worried a lot about how our laid back homeschool style would affect our suitability or whether the house was not safe enough because of our pool.
Twice a year the Ministry of Children and Youth Services hosts an Adoption Resource Exchange in Toronto where social workers from across Ontario present children's files who are crown wards and have not easily been placed with adoptive families in their own areas. Back in October we considered attending. Ultimately we decided that we did not want to put ourselves in a position where we felt a pull toward any of the children presented before going through the process and really knowing if we wanted to move forward and so we did not attend. Another opportunity to attend the spring event is coming up at the beginning of April. We have again wavered back and forth over whether we should attend or not. We have not had our AdoptReady status approved as of yet and do not know if it will come back before April. Once more we don't want to put ourselves in a position where we feel the pull toward any particular child only to find out a week later we are not approved. I am not anticpating being told we are unsuitable but you never know. Our decision has gone back and forth so many times. In the end we have decided we are going to attend. I am nervous and excited. We may learn about a child who will ultimately become part of our family while we are there. We may express interest in a child only to find out another family is more suitable. This is such a process of unknowns and many waits.
No matter where we go from here I do not think we will regret having opened ourselves to this process. It has been quite a life experience.
After the birth of our third son we had decided not to have more children. Three boys in three years time was enough to put me on the agreeing side of actively ending our chances of getting pregnant again. I had wonderful pregnancies and absolutely loved giving birth but three babies was a lot to handle at the time. About a year after Chris' vasectomy we both realized our decision was rash and had been based on the stress of having the children so close together. We both regretted not having a bigger family and discussed a vasectomy reversal however financially it was not a viable option. We lamented our previous choice but went on and enjoyed the family we were blessed with.
Jump ahead a number of years to when our sons were 9, 8, and 6. We were just feeling settled in a new home, in a new town, with his new job and the topic of growing our family came about again. This time a vasectomy reversal was something we could afford. However considering the time it would take to meet with a surgeon, schedule a surgery, hope it would take and then get pregnant it would mean probably a 8 or 9 year gap between the ages of our two youngest. The large age gap was not something that interested us. Along with Chris' understandable reluctance to go under the knife again we chose not to grow our family through conceiving for ourselves. We began to discuss the possibility of adoption again. This discussion was much more in depth and serious than previous times. Through those long talks and some tears we came to the conclusion that adoption was not right for us. We grieved some over the loss of growing our family at that time.
A year later still feeling the pull to grow our family, Chris and I began to talk once more on whether we wanted more children. Again the idea of a vasectomy reversal came into play and still does occasionally but we both know we do not want to begin with raising a baby again...no matter how much I want to give birth . So he suggested opening ourselves up to seriously considering adoption. This time I made the scary call to the local Children's Aid Society. Making the call meant that we were probably going to see this through to a point where very difficult decisions would have to be made. I also called a family member who happens to be an adoption resource worker in another part of our province. I had expected much doom and gloom from him about the challenges of adopting a child who has been through foster care but his information although honest and upfront about the challenges was positive and encouraging.
With the short call to CAS I found out that there would be a 9 week PRIDE training course coming up at the end of the month and we would be invited. We decided to attend. It was exciting and terrifying. I had heard that the wait times for the training course in Ontario were upwards to a year or more. As pleased as I was to get into one right away it also meant that we were starting down a path that could end in a major life changing event.
The PRIDE sessions ended just before December of this past year and we had decided to submit our application, police and social services clearances to move forward with the process further. There have been some times where I have had to call and make sure that the right person received a document or ensure that the documents had been submitted but for the most part with only a little advocating for ourselves the process has been smooth and in January we were informed that our clearances had all come back we were being assigned a Resource worker to begin our Homestudy.
The Homestudy went by quickly as well. I had expected the multiple interviews to take place over months but rather they were completed within 3 weeks in February with a short follow up in March. Our resource worker had just returned from a maternity leave only the week before, her case load was only just beginning to grow. Fortunately for us it meant she had a number of openings to accommodate our interviews. We very much enjoyed meeting with her. She was warm and easy to talk with. Although the questions were involved and we had to be very open about our relationship, families and childhood it was a pleasant experience. Waiting in between the interviews even though they were only days apart was more difficult. It was hard not to wonder if we had said anything wrong that would put us in a negative light. I worried a lot about how our laid back homeschool style would affect our suitability or whether the house was not safe enough because of our pool.
Twice a year the Ministry of Children and Youth Services hosts an Adoption Resource Exchange in Toronto where social workers from across Ontario present children's files who are crown wards and have not easily been placed with adoptive families in their own areas. Back in October we considered attending. Ultimately we decided that we did not want to put ourselves in a position where we felt a pull toward any of the children presented before going through the process and really knowing if we wanted to move forward and so we did not attend. Another opportunity to attend the spring event is coming up at the beginning of April. We have again wavered back and forth over whether we should attend or not. We have not had our AdoptReady status approved as of yet and do not know if it will come back before April. Once more we don't want to put ourselves in a position where we feel the pull toward any particular child only to find out a week later we are not approved. I am not anticpating being told we are unsuitable but you never know. Our decision has gone back and forth so many times. In the end we have decided we are going to attend. I am nervous and excited. We may learn about a child who will ultimately become part of our family while we are there. We may express interest in a child only to find out another family is more suitable. This is such a process of unknowns and many waits.
No matter where we go from here I do not think we will regret having opened ourselves to this process. It has been quite a life experience.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Advice of Strangers
Do you let your kids play in the rain? The boys often want to go out and play when it is raining. The other day they were playing in the snow, slowly the snow turned to rain. I can't say I always let them play in the rain but this time they looked like they were having too much fun to tell them to come in.
A car pulled up if front of the house. We live in a cul de sac so often we have Sunday drivers checking out the scenery. I noticed their windows were open and had slowed down near the kids. I opened the door when I realized they were talking to them. Panic moment of course so my parent radar kicked into overdrive. Apparently the car occupants said "you look like you are getting soaked" and then told the kids "you should probably go home and get your mom to make hot chocolate". It was the strangest thing. They were playing in front of the house on a street where there are only three houses so it is most likely that the kids live in one of the houses. The kids said they didn't recognize the people which doesn't mean that it wasn't a neighbour but it was still odd. Of course first and foremost I didn't like that someone I don't know was talking to the kids from the window of a car, but really to tell the kids they should go home because it is raining is just weird.
I have no doubt we played outside in rain, hail, snowstorms when we were younger. Are we just too careful with kids, not letting them do enough? Or maybe not careful enough if cars are stopping in front of our house to talk to the kids.
A car pulled up if front of the house. We live in a cul de sac so often we have Sunday drivers checking out the scenery. I noticed their windows were open and had slowed down near the kids. I opened the door when I realized they were talking to them. Panic moment of course so my parent radar kicked into overdrive. Apparently the car occupants said "you look like you are getting soaked" and then told the kids "you should probably go home and get your mom to make hot chocolate". It was the strangest thing. They were playing in front of the house on a street where there are only three houses so it is most likely that the kids live in one of the houses. The kids said they didn't recognize the people which doesn't mean that it wasn't a neighbour but it was still odd. Of course first and foremost I didn't like that someone I don't know was talking to the kids from the window of a car, but really to tell the kids they should go home because it is raining is just weird.
I have no doubt we played outside in rain, hail, snowstorms when we were younger. Are we just too careful with kids, not letting them do enough? Or maybe not careful enough if cars are stopping in front of our house to talk to the kids.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
It all starts in Kindgergarten?
In the corner of the computer screen a pop add reads "It all Starts in Kindergarten". The next screen reads "social skills", then "reading", then "writing". REALLY?????
Social skills begin in Kindergarten? Even assuming that a child begins their school career at the young age of 3 years and 9 months, the youngest age at which a child in Ontario can begin kindergarten, can anyone possibly believe that before that time no social skills have been acquired? Social skills begin...well at the beginning. Babies learn social cues from the moment they leave the womb. A baby carried by a parent is often at face level with the rest of the world learning about facial expressions and language.
What a huge presumption to think that reading and writing also begin in Kindergarten, or that school is even needed to learn either of the two, or better yet that teaching is required for reading and writing to take place....but that is a different rant altogether. The skills necessary to begin reading and writing begin far before a child enters the school system. Scribbling with crayons, listening to stories, singing songs, playing are all the building blocks for reading and writing and they begin at home.
I am sure many things can start in Kindergarten but certainly not social skills, reading and writing.
Social skills begin in Kindergarten? Even assuming that a child begins their school career at the young age of 3 years and 9 months, the youngest age at which a child in Ontario can begin kindergarten, can anyone possibly believe that before that time no social skills have been acquired? Social skills begin...well at the beginning. Babies learn social cues from the moment they leave the womb. A baby carried by a parent is often at face level with the rest of the world learning about facial expressions and language.
What a huge presumption to think that reading and writing also begin in Kindergarten, or that school is even needed to learn either of the two, or better yet that teaching is required for reading and writing to take place....but that is a different rant altogether. The skills necessary to begin reading and writing begin far before a child enters the school system. Scribbling with crayons, listening to stories, singing songs, playing are all the building blocks for reading and writing and they begin at home.
I am sure many things can start in Kindergarten but certainly not social skills, reading and writing.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
The break I didn't know I wanted
It is March Break here. The end of Winter week long break for the schools. It really doesn't mean much to our family but we are riding that train too and taking the week easy. As a last minute thought I asked the boys if they wanted to attend a day camp this week at a museum in a neighbouring town. I am not good with pre-planning. I learned a lesson though as the program was full as were all the others in near by towns. I didn't realize how much I would have loved to have a few days to just hang out at the house by myself, free to clean without being followed by three mess making tornadoes until I was in a place to not have it.
After a bit of a pout I have rallied. Really hanging out with the boys is easy for the most part but it can get lonely and isolating here living a bit more rurally. Sometimes a short break is what you need to re-energize. I am sure the frustration I felt at not getting what I didn't realize I wanted was on the heels of feeling a bit discouraged with homeschooling in this small community. The homeschool network that I am hoping to encourage in the area is not really going anywhere and in fact I had found out that some of the families I know in the area have been getting together casually over the last little while. That was a blow, as they would be aware of my interest to connect from previous conversations and attempts at getting something going . Was I discluded purposely? I don't think so but it doesn't make it easier to swallow. I must say it is hard to keep a positive outlook when you feel alone in what you are doing.
Have I considered putting the boys in school? More times than can be imagined. Of course there could be benefits in putting them in a school system. They would possibly have the same knowledge as their peers. They would have more opportunities to meet kids and therefore possibly make new friends. I know they want to make more friends so that is tempting. Yes, I think about it on a regular basis. I re-evaluate whether what we have chosen is still working for our family. I don't know if I would feel the need to think on it as often if there was some type of support system that I could lean on. Online groups do not do the same as person to person communications. Being near people with a common lifestyle choice can give strength.
I do think about whether homeschooling was or still is the right decision for us. I am not naive enough to think that they are not missing out on somethings because they are not in school. An active homeschool network can more than make up for what they may miss out on in a school system but we don't have that to work with here so I know the boys are at a disadvantage in some ways because they are not in school.
I am not anti school. The decision to homeschool does not automatically mean that a parent stands in opposition to the school system. I don't feel that all problems stem from children attending school. However it is difficult to deny that children in the school system are facing premature stressors. And I recognize that some or many of the social opportunities they would get in school are not positive ones. It is not better to have more of a bad thing than too little of a good thing. Of course the boys are not devoid of social opportunities as we actively work to give them opportunities to be involved in community sports and groups as well as maintain contact with the friends they have made however it cannot be denied that without a network of home learning families they are getting less time around other people than schooled children.
No matter how tempting some aspects of enrolling them in the local school can be our conclusion always ends the same way. No matter how challenging this has been here it is not worth what they will lose going to school. Innocence, sense of self, creative tendencies, authentic behaviour, interest in family, kindness, empathy, freedom, and time to just be themselves are just a few of things that would be affected if they were in school and we are just not willing to give that up for the possibility of a friendship here or there.
I can keep hoping we will find a local network of homeschoolers but in the mean time we will work with what we have and be confident in knowing that what we choose for our family works!
After a bit of a pout I have rallied. Really hanging out with the boys is easy for the most part but it can get lonely and isolating here living a bit more rurally. Sometimes a short break is what you need to re-energize. I am sure the frustration I felt at not getting what I didn't realize I wanted was on the heels of feeling a bit discouraged with homeschooling in this small community. The homeschool network that I am hoping to encourage in the area is not really going anywhere and in fact I had found out that some of the families I know in the area have been getting together casually over the last little while. That was a blow, as they would be aware of my interest to connect from previous conversations and attempts at getting something going . Was I discluded purposely? I don't think so but it doesn't make it easier to swallow. I must say it is hard to keep a positive outlook when you feel alone in what you are doing.
Have I considered putting the boys in school? More times than can be imagined. Of course there could be benefits in putting them in a school system. They would possibly have the same knowledge as their peers. They would have more opportunities to meet kids and therefore possibly make new friends. I know they want to make more friends so that is tempting. Yes, I think about it on a regular basis. I re-evaluate whether what we have chosen is still working for our family. I don't know if I would feel the need to think on it as often if there was some type of support system that I could lean on. Online groups do not do the same as person to person communications. Being near people with a common lifestyle choice can give strength.
I do think about whether homeschooling was or still is the right decision for us. I am not naive enough to think that they are not missing out on somethings because they are not in school. An active homeschool network can more than make up for what they may miss out on in a school system but we don't have that to work with here so I know the boys are at a disadvantage in some ways because they are not in school.
I am not anti school. The decision to homeschool does not automatically mean that a parent stands in opposition to the school system. I don't feel that all problems stem from children attending school. However it is difficult to deny that children in the school system are facing premature stressors. And I recognize that some or many of the social opportunities they would get in school are not positive ones. It is not better to have more of a bad thing than too little of a good thing. Of course the boys are not devoid of social opportunities as we actively work to give them opportunities to be involved in community sports and groups as well as maintain contact with the friends they have made however it cannot be denied that without a network of home learning families they are getting less time around other people than schooled children.
No matter how tempting some aspects of enrolling them in the local school can be our conclusion always ends the same way. No matter how challenging this has been here it is not worth what they will lose going to school. Innocence, sense of self, creative tendencies, authentic behaviour, interest in family, kindness, empathy, freedom, and time to just be themselves are just a few of things that would be affected if they were in school and we are just not willing to give that up for the possibility of a friendship here or there.
I can keep hoping we will find a local network of homeschoolers but in the mean time we will work with what we have and be confident in knowing that what we choose for our family works!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Snowy canvas
The days are getting longer and the temperature is rising. The snow will be gone before we know it. I love winter but even I am getting antsy for Spring to make it's appearance. We had a reminder today though of how wonderful the snow can still be.
While working on some egg carton monster/snakes to help the boys reinforce the concept of place values Liam wanted to use a splatter method to get spots on his carton. I asked him to take it outside to avoid any more paint on the walls than necessary. His work left behind what they claimed looked like a bloody accident scene. What I saw was a huge canvas that would soon disappear. We had to do some errands in town today and decided to stop at the store to pick up some squirt bottles. Back at home we filled them with Tempera paint and water. It was an immediate hit!
Here are some of the creations that adorn our rainbow snow filled yard.
While working on some egg carton monster/snakes to help the boys reinforce the concept of place values Liam wanted to use a splatter method to get spots on his carton. I asked him to take it outside to avoid any more paint on the walls than necessary. His work left behind what they claimed looked like a bloody accident scene. What I saw was a huge canvas that would soon disappear. We had to do some errands in town today and decided to stop at the store to pick up some squirt bottles. Back at home we filled them with Tempera paint and water. It was an immediate hit!
Here are some of the creations that adorn our rainbow snow filled yard.
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