Gamer art for the ages

Our boys are 'gamers'.  They love video games, they love to talk about video games, and they love reading about video games.  This means that we have a lot of gaming magazines laying around the house.  I don't like clutter (though my house seems like it is getting more so with each passing month).  When the cringes started coming out at the mention of culling the magazine stash Chris had a great idea.  He thought the boys might be more willing to part with the magazines if they could hold on to some of the memories that came from them.  He had the boys cut out their favourite photos of games and meaningful gaming 'stuff' from the magazines to create a collage they could hang in their room.   He suggested this project months back.  Enthusiastic cutting ensued and then it sat and sat and sat in my living room just collecting dust.  Today I 'encouraged' them to finish up their project and here is their fantastic result.

Cut cut cut the pictures out

Cheap poster frame with mat

Arrange first layer and then add more important pictures into top layers.  Make sure to have some pictures overlap the mat for more dimension

Finished product ready to hang

More than one way to get to 4

2 + 2 = 4......... simple right? 
The boys overheard a conversation between adults regarding the teaching of music.  Actually they heard a conversation about a conversation.  One professional believed there were certain criteria that needed to be met to teach music properly.  More specifically he felt that in his business he wanted music taught one way. I presume a classical method though I am not familiar enough with how that works to say for sure.  I do know that it was a structured method.  In wanting his business to be run a specific way he chose to end a partnership with another teacher who used a different approach.  In this professional's explanation he stated that 2 + 2 = 4;  it cannot be anything else and it could not be argued. In essence he may have been saying that to teach music is methodical not liberal. Obviously or hopefully the professional understands there is more than one way but is arguing his desire for the one way to be taught in his school. It was not long or particularly heated discussion in fact I really didn't think the boys were listening.

Fast forward a day or so and the boys come to me after obviously having discussed something that bothered them.  They approached me asking if I remember the conversation and begin to offer their views which go as such:

"Mom, remember the thing about 2 + 2 = 4 and how there is only one way to teach music, well 2 + 2 = 4 but so does 1 + 3 and 4 + 0 and even 6 - 2."  I smiled (beamed would be a more accurate description) and agreed they made an interesting argument.  To take that further (2 + 2) = (1  + 3) or (2 + 2) = (6 - 2) which all equal 4 but approached in different ways.

I am grateful for the mentors who see beyond 2 + 2 = 4.  Thank you for your passion and creativity and inspiration.

Nature at our door step

Summer's finds are knocking at our front door.  

Chris found this moth in our drive way trying to survive (or as we have learned in doing some research, finishing his life cycle).  He picked it up and put it on the porch thinking it may just needed safe place to rest for a bit.  A few days later the moth was dead with its wings spread wide open in perfect condition.  What a beautiful gift it left for us.  I was lucky enough to have a shadow box frame available for the boys to pin the moth and hang for us to appreciate.

A sparrow also kindly built it's nest in our ornamental weeping willow right off our porch.  The boys were able to get up close to see the wee baby and unhatched egg that occupied it.  One day while they were watching quietly the baby bird jumped out of its nest and hit the ground. They were mortified, deciding to help it back up into its safe home.  Within moments the baby bird jumped out again.  Worried that it would be eaten by our porch snake or the neighbours cat Liam kept putting the wee thing back in its nest.  Finally I suggested that maybe the bird was tyring to learn to leave its nest. With reluctance they let it be.  Shortly the wee bird was at the end of our drive way a good 75 feet away hopping around trying to find its 'wings'.  What an amazing experience to have been blessed to see.

What is in a name?

Liam approached me a few weeks back with an interest in changing his name.  Yep his first name, the one we gave him with much thought and debate.  Chris and I have two of the most common names of the 70s.  I didn't go a single year in school without another Jennifer in my class and usually there were at least 4 of us.  In choosing our children's names we decided to go less common. Seamus is not too different but certainly he is not likely to meet too many in his life, Eoin is a pretty common name with a less common spelling.  The name Liam though has become quite popular and if he were in school he would no doubt be the one of a few "Liams".  His issue though is not that his name is too common or not common enough but because he likes the other name better. 

What name does he want, you ask?  He would like to use the name William. Wait let me rewrite that in case you miss it, Wil-LIAM. I am not sure how putting the "Wil" infront of "Liam" makes it better but he feels that it suits his personality better.  Maybe it sounds older to him?  Being older is something that has been his focus since he was wee.  We used to joke that we had a 2 year old teenager.  Liam has always wanted to be beyond his years.  William definitely sound 'older' than Liam. 

So what do you do when your child wants a different name? ...........Are you waiting for an answer?  No that was a question, I am asking you!  What do you do when your child wants to change his name?  I can't figure it out.

Chris has tried this past week to fill Liam's request and has called him "William" a number of times.  It just sounds weird. I have tried but goodness I can't say it feels right.  We have done a lot of talking about what a name means over the past couple years in terms of adoption and how important birth or given names are to a child's identity and here our child by birth is wanting to shed the name we gave him and identify with something else.  

I am pretty sure it won't last long but we are doing our best to help him try it on for a while. If he had asked us to call him "George" or "Dustin" or anything other than a longer form of his given name we would have balked a bit more about the name change no doubt.  I think it is time though to pull out a book that we have called "Josephina Hates Her Name" by Diana Engel.  Maybe together we can figure out what's in a name.

A small issue of trust

Trust has to be earned.  This, I am re-learning.

When my boys were born we met their needs through touch, nutrition, nurturing, and providing a safe environment.  In fact we took that job pretty seriously and chose a parenting path in which trust was fundamental.  If our babies cried we picked them up, if they cued me I fed them.  They often didn't have to ask twice when they were wee.  Most times they didn't even have to ask as we were already meeting the needs in anticipation.    As they grew their trust in our care developed so that when we couldn't meet their needs immediately they believed in us, we were their rock and they knew that we would not let them down.  

Through the years I have taken those early steps for granted.   For me being mother means being 'the stuff', the go to girl, the name up in lights, star of the show.  The crowd chants my name every night wanting encores.    Even if I had made different early choices as a parent the biology alone would have created some level of connection and trust. I would have had to work at creating a distrust with the boys.

Most recently I am learning what it feels like to nurture a child who does not have that trust in me.   I have nurtured many children before her, my career path pre-parenthood was in early childhood development. The nature of the job required me to care for children 8+ hours a day 5 or more days a week.  Those children always had parents or caregivers to go home to, the people that they trusted.  I am sure I developed a trust with those children but it is not the same as being a mother.

I am becoming 'mother', interim or otherwise, to a child that has yet to develop that trust in me. I haven't earned it yet.  I can't pick her up and put her to breast when she is sad, hungry, hurt, tired.  We can't share our bed with her to let her know that we are there both day and night. Even if I could the trust that goes along with that wouldn't be there right away.  Being good at motherhood doesn't mean anything to her...........yet.  The skills I have gathered over almost the last decade and a half do not apply, or at the very least don't matter to her in terms of her trusting me now.  Those skills may get us there one day but I can't even say that will be soon. 

On top of  parenting a child who doesn't fully trust me I will be parenting the child who is grieving the loss of her first foster parents.  This is not a simple loss for her but a deep one.  My heart breaks for her loss and theirs.  Even though we went into this process 'knowing' it was one that was filled with loss and grieving it doesn't make it easier to bear. 

I am willing to be patient.  I will share what she will accept when she is ready and believe that the patience will pay off in trust.  The trust will be earned just as it was with my boys, we will just have to follow a different path. 

Revision requested!

A couple months back I wrote about spanking.   My mother has read the blog and would like the clarification made that I was only spanked once in my life.    I would like to add that she does not support spanking (particularly of her grandchildren).  I can understand her desire for that information to be correct. It was information about her parenting and her life so I have the responsibility to recount the story properly.  I do only remember one spanking.  

In effect it also makes my point.  It could be said that I wasn't "spanked" but was only spanked once and I turned out FANTASTIC!  I am a law abiding, functioning member of this society. I volunteer, I donate to charity (well I donate a portion of my husband's income), I say please and thank you, I get up from my seat to give it to others, I give that smile to the parent who has the tempering toddler when they just need someone to understand, I bag my own groceries, I have worked with children and the elderly.......okay it could certainly get old.  Point being I turned out just fine without being spanked.

Thank you mom for being the parent you were and still are.

Life is changing

"one minute I am playing a video game and the next I am sitting on the couch and my life has completely changed".  Okay not my words but ones that ring so very true to our lives.  Little "O" said this comment moments after learning that we were the chosen foster family for a wee girl.

Our lives have been just a tiny bit overwhelmed the past couple of months.  It started with a phone call at the end of March and has progressed to transitioning her into our home.   She will become a part of our lives full time mid June.   What a beautiful child she is.  Of course we think she is cute but it is more than that.  She is a lovely little person and we adore spending time with her. 

And that is all you get.........   I have a personal blog on the go documenting our feelings and experiences through this process but given the need for extreme privacy in the lives of the people involved I don't get to share publicly.