Trusting in natural learning doesn't come naturally to me. It has been a bit of a process to step back and watch life happen for the boys without 'teaching'. One area that I feel I have been successful in letting go has been reading. It certainly took a few years of nail biting as we sat back and watched as our oldest son Seamus became a proficient reader. We read to the boys often when they were younger. Books are everywhere in our house. Picture books, chapter books, non fiction, graphic novels, magazines are in almost every room. Seamus experimented with reading on his own mostly with collections of "Baby Blues" comic strips. He didn't start with 'early readers'. He would sit for hours first looking at the pictures and somewhere in there he began reasoning out the words for himself. If he asked for help with a word we simply told him what the word was. We didn't ask him to sound it out or test him on letter sounds. Seamus was between 9 and 10 when he could confidently read most words he came across and was reading short youth novels. Now at almost 12 he has no less than three 300 plus paged novels on the go at once.
Liam was writing long before he began reading. In fact we didn't even know he was reading for probably about 6 months after he made the leap in skill level. It seemed that he went from not reading at 8 to reading large words over night. What really happened was that Liam does not like to do anything half way. He will not share a skill with others until he feels he has mastered it to his liking. At 10 Liam is able to read most of what he comes across but does not feel confident enough to pick up a novel. And I suspect that he will not until he feels he can read one without stumbling. He reads graphic novels often and anything that he comes across that requires reading to accomplish the task.
Just a couple of days ago my mother mentioned that Eoin told her he wishes he could read. Eoin actually can read many words but what he meant was that he wanted to become comfortable with reading. I believe his motivation comes from the need to depend on others to read the on screen instructions for games he is playing. My approach with Eoin will be different than it has been with his brothers. I still won't be teaching Eoin to read but I will make more of an effort to offer to sit with him if he wants to practice reading. I will also increase reading out loud to him. Just like with taking pictures of your first child infinitely more than subsequent children I have found that we read less to Eoin than we did for Seamus and Liam.
Recently I came across a website readingrockets.org which claimed that reading for most students MUST be taught and refuted the idea that reading can come naturally. It also listed statistics of poor literacy and illiteracy of North Americans. The majority of elementary aged students are enrolled in institutional schooling systems and therefore are being 'taught' to read, so why are they not reading or reading well? Even allowing for the children who have poor attendance or traumas in their lives that inhibit learning processes the poor literacy statistics certainly cannot be because they are not being taught or at least present when reading is being taught.
At one time, before becoming a parent, I would have liked to be able to proudly announce that my 4 year could read. Now I am happy and comfortable in saying that my children came into reading confidence on their own when they were ready and have a love of books that we cherish.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
AdoptReady and Resource Family Approval
After 9 months of marriage Chris and I found out we were going to have a baby. As is typical about 9 months later we held our first son in our arms. When our baby was just under 9 months old we found out we were going to be parents again and 9 months later we held our second son in our arms. When he was 9 months old we decided maybe two children was good but then we were surprised to find out a month or so later that I was pregnant with our third son. When he was about 9 months old Chris surgically altered our chances to have another baby. Last September, 9 months ago, we made the first phone call to the Children's Aid Society to inquire about public adoption. A pleasantly unexpected phone call came this week from the social worker who worked on our homestudy to inform us that she was assigned to our file as our Foster Resource Worker. That was wonderful news. We really enjoyed getting to know her through our homestudy and feel very comfortable with her. This coming week we will meet again with her and possibly our Adoption ResourceWorker to sign some papers to officially become an AdoptReady and approved Resource Family (Foster Family).
So we move into the next stage of our adoption journey. We will now be considered by social workers who are actively trying to find permanent adoptive homes for the children they are working with and we can express interest in any children who are available for adoption. We will also be available as a resource family to do respite foster care for other foster families who need a short break for any reason.
One of the boys wanted to know this week if they are really strict about not adopting children older than the children already in the home. He shared that babies are often adopted easily as 'everyone thinks babies are cute' but not many people may want to adopt a 10 year old. He also added that he personally didn't think babies were cute. Although we most likely will not adopt out of birth order, we share his feelings in being interested in older child adoption.
I am very curious where this will take our family. Mostly I am wondering how the respite fostering will work and what it will feel like to get the first call to invite a child into our home for a few hours or a few days. I know that adoption if it happens for our family will probably be a long while down the line but fostering will come about more quickly.
I am happy to have the approval process behind us. Next......the unknown.
So we move into the next stage of our adoption journey. We will now be considered by social workers who are actively trying to find permanent adoptive homes for the children they are working with and we can express interest in any children who are available for adoption. We will also be available as a resource family to do respite foster care for other foster families who need a short break for any reason.
One of the boys wanted to know this week if they are really strict about not adopting children older than the children already in the home. He shared that babies are often adopted easily as 'everyone thinks babies are cute' but not many people may want to adopt a 10 year old. He also added that he personally didn't think babies were cute. Although we most likely will not adopt out of birth order, we share his feelings in being interested in older child adoption.
I am very curious where this will take our family. Mostly I am wondering how the respite fostering will work and what it will feel like to get the first call to invite a child into our home for a few hours or a few days. I know that adoption if it happens for our family will probably be a long while down the line but fostering will come about more quickly.
I am happy to have the approval process behind us. Next......the unknown.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Sad Mother Duck went out one day
Mother Duck looked around her nest and thought to herself "my this place is looking untidy". Untidy was not an uncommon state for Mother Duck's nest. You see, she had three ducklings who muddled around the nest each and everyday learning about their world. Usually this brought Mother Duck joy to see her little ducklings enjoying their days so fully, but this mess, on this day was ruffling Mother Duck's feathers just a little too much. So Mother Duck picked up her broom and got out the rags and began to tidy their lovely nest.
She worked hard at each task and looked ahead to the next. When she turned around to take a look at her tidy nest she was surprised to find a different mess in the place of the old mess she had just tidied. With a sigh she picked up her broom again and began to clean. She tried to encourage her little ducklings to work along side her, and the oldest duckling picked up a rag and started to clean, and the next oldest duckling picked up a rag and started to clean. The youngest little duckling picked up a rag and just looked at it with a frown. Not too long later the little ducklings found their way back to muddling about the house leaving little messes in their wake. Mother Duck took a deep breath and shook out her feathers but she was now frowning at her little ducklings. The little ducklings all cried "we're sorry Mother Duck, we will help you tidy". The little ducklings lived up to their claims for a only moments before they returned to making their messes.
As Mother Duck cleaned up mess after mess she began to frown more and more. The little ducklings noticed Mother Duck's frown and again cried "we're sorry Mother Duck, we really will help you tidy our nest". But again the little ducks quickly found distractions and made bigger messes. When the little ducks cried their woes to Mother Duck a few more times she had enough! It was time for a waddle away from the nest. So Mother Duck set out on her waddle with a deep frown and her feathers just ruffling away. The little ducklings knew they had upset Mother Duck and followed her out on her waddle and even Father Duck joined in. As Mother Duck sped up her waddle the little ducklings picked up their pace, as Mother Duck quickened her waddle even more the little ducklings followed.
Soon Mother Duck found that her frown was being chased away by a smile. She could hear the little ducklings and Father Duck quietly waddling behind her and knew they just wanted to be near her. Mother Duck waddled a little further and the little ducklings diligently followed. Mother Duck could feel their love for her smoothing out her ruffled feathers. Her frown that was chased away by a smile was now replaced with the beginnings of laughter. Mother Duck stopped her waddling and let herself laugh. Father duck and the little ducklings stopped too but didn't quite understand what Mother Duck was laughing about and all looked at her quizzically. This made Mother Duck laugh even harder and soon the the little ducklings and Father Duck joined her in her giggles (even though they didn't know why).
When she stopped laughing she told them all how much she loved them and gave them each a kiss on their duckling heads. That made the ducklings smile. They continued on their waddle down to the lake and then afterward they all went back to the nest to tidy up.
The little ducklings will make more messes and Mother Duck will sigh and pick up the broom and rags. Sometimes the little ducklings will cry "oh Mother Duck we love you so and will help you clean" and go right back to making messes but Mother Duck knows that she could not have a more loving and sweet flock of her own who will make her laugh and feel loved everyday!
She worked hard at each task and looked ahead to the next. When she turned around to take a look at her tidy nest she was surprised to find a different mess in the place of the old mess she had just tidied. With a sigh she picked up her broom again and began to clean. She tried to encourage her little ducklings to work along side her, and the oldest duckling picked up a rag and started to clean, and the next oldest duckling picked up a rag and started to clean. The youngest little duckling picked up a rag and just looked at it with a frown. Not too long later the little ducklings found their way back to muddling about the house leaving little messes in their wake. Mother Duck took a deep breath and shook out her feathers but she was now frowning at her little ducklings. The little ducklings all cried "we're sorry Mother Duck, we will help you tidy". The little ducklings lived up to their claims for a only moments before they returned to making their messes.
As Mother Duck cleaned up mess after mess she began to frown more and more. The little ducklings noticed Mother Duck's frown and again cried "we're sorry Mother Duck, we really will help you tidy our nest". But again the little ducks quickly found distractions and made bigger messes. When the little ducks cried their woes to Mother Duck a few more times she had enough! It was time for a waddle away from the nest. So Mother Duck set out on her waddle with a deep frown and her feathers just ruffling away. The little ducklings knew they had upset Mother Duck and followed her out on her waddle and even Father Duck joined in. As Mother Duck sped up her waddle the little ducklings picked up their pace, as Mother Duck quickened her waddle even more the little ducklings followed.
Soon Mother Duck found that her frown was being chased away by a smile. She could hear the little ducklings and Father Duck quietly waddling behind her and knew they just wanted to be near her. Mother Duck waddled a little further and the little ducklings diligently followed. Mother Duck could feel their love for her smoothing out her ruffled feathers. Her frown that was chased away by a smile was now replaced with the beginnings of laughter. Mother Duck stopped her waddling and let herself laugh. Father duck and the little ducklings stopped too but didn't quite understand what Mother Duck was laughing about and all looked at her quizzically. This made Mother Duck laugh even harder and soon the the little ducklings and Father Duck joined her in her giggles (even though they didn't know why).
When she stopped laughing she told them all how much she loved them and gave them each a kiss on their duckling heads. That made the ducklings smile. They continued on their waddle down to the lake and then afterward they all went back to the nest to tidy up.
The little ducklings will make more messes and Mother Duck will sigh and pick up the broom and rags. Sometimes the little ducklings will cry "oh Mother Duck we love you so and will help you clean" and go right back to making messes but Mother Duck knows that she could not have a more loving and sweet flock of her own who will make her laugh and feel loved everyday!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
More on the adoption journey
Last month Chris and I attended the Adoption Resource Exchange in Toronto. It met with mixed reactions from family and friends. All were supportive of course but seemed to feel uncomfortable with the idea of presenting children for adoption in such a way. It felt too much like and auction for them I think. I can't say that Chris and I didn't have our reservations about what it would look like. We certainly wondered what it would be like and how we would react. We feared that we would feel compelled to want to 'save' all the children.
What we came away with from that day is so far from what we expected! It was not an auction, it was not a garish display of needy children. It was quiet and respectful. It was filled with individuals and couples interested in giving homes to children who do not have permanent homes. There was a sense of urgency for some that they stand out to the workers they spoke to so that they would be considered for the children they felt they may be a match for. Chris and I didn't feel that urgency. It surprised me, I think it surprised us both.
What we came away with is that we now are confident that we will not make this decision with only our hearts. We do not feel a pull to 'save' all the children. We know that there is a match somewhere for children and it may not be our family. It became clear to us that the pull we did feel was toward older children. Together we felt we may be a good match in a couple of years for a child over the age of 8. We did find children who we might have expressed interest in but it always seemed like the oldest child in the sibling group was only a few months younger or older than our youngest son.
Adoption may not be in our immediate future....although life can change on a dime....but it will mostly like be a part of our future. I embrace my family as it is if that is the way life takes us and I am ready to nurture more children when the time comes.
What we came away with from that day is so far from what we expected! It was not an auction, it was not a garish display of needy children. It was quiet and respectful. It was filled with individuals and couples interested in giving homes to children who do not have permanent homes. There was a sense of urgency for some that they stand out to the workers they spoke to so that they would be considered for the children they felt they may be a match for. Chris and I didn't feel that urgency. It surprised me, I think it surprised us both.
What we came away with is that we now are confident that we will not make this decision with only our hearts. We do not feel a pull to 'save' all the children. We know that there is a match somewhere for children and it may not be our family. It became clear to us that the pull we did feel was toward older children. Together we felt we may be a good match in a couple of years for a child over the age of 8. We did find children who we might have expressed interest in but it always seemed like the oldest child in the sibling group was only a few months younger or older than our youngest son.
Adoption may not be in our immediate future....although life can change on a dime....but it will mostly like be a part of our future. I embrace my family as it is if that is the way life takes us and I am ready to nurture more children when the time comes.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Lightning strikes at the heart of breastfeeding
Twelve years ago my only thoughts on breastfeeding were that I was going to do it and would that I would wean before the baby could 'ask' for it. I didn't understand the position other pregnant women I knew had who were only going to give it a try. What was there to try? I was confident. I was just going to do it. It went along with my steadfast belief that I would give birth naturally and without drugs.
Skip ahead a few months to my first experiences of labour, birth and breastfeeding our first born son.
I asked for the epidural and I quit breastfeeding after 5 days, but "I tried". That is not where the story ends of course. Yes I asked for the epidural, I had an induced and augmented labour. I didn't get it in time as the doctor was too busy. Our son was born naturally without pain meds. Breastfeeding was not quite as simple. Ours was a common story of inexperience and lack of good information. That is until my mother stepped in to call my aunt. My "sleeps with her children and nurses until they can walk" aunt. To spare you a long story with a little hope, the support of my aunt ( a retired La Leche League Leader), her friend (also previously involved with La La Leche League) , my mother and my husband I went back to breastfeeding after having quit three weeks previously.
In that time I was still hesitant to attend the suggested La Leche League (LLL) Meeting. I just didn't think it would be a fit for me as I was certainly not going to be the "sleeps with her children and nurse until they can walk" kind of mom. "Funny" story though, my aunt, who had driven a few hours just to come support me was struck by lightning in her truck on her way home. Terrible thing, not funny at all; she survived but had some hearing loss and I am sure shock among other traumas. I had a sense of guilt and decided to attend a LLL Meeting. I didn't really like it. I felt like a fake as I was only just starting to breastfeed and my baby was over a month old. I had given only bottles that did not contain breastmilk for the first month and I still had no idea what I was doing. I wouldn't even breastfeed him at my first meeting.
I went back to the next meeting because by then I was breastfeeding more confidently and I was going to redeem myself. I don't think they even noticed I hadn't breastfed during the meeting but I needed to prove something to myself. What was proved was that LLL can be a fit for so many different people. I kept going back month after month, year after year.
I will soon celebrate my 12th year as a "slept with my babies and nursed them well beyond the walking stage" mother and I am into my 11th year as a La Leche League Leader. LLL does not equal sleeping with babies and nursing into toddlerhood. It is not an exclusive club only for "crunchy mamas". I met wonderful women during the past 12 years at LLL events and in the community who have introduced me to ideas that I previously balked at but now embrace. LLL is about supporting mothers where they are at. It is about being there to share with other women and learn from other women and take what works for your family.
We are way beyond the baby years now and I still LOVE women who come to LLL meetings. I LOVE being an LLL Leader. I have the fortune recently to be a part of a new community of women with a brand new LLL Group who have the passion and interest in mothering and breastfeeding that captured me 11 plus years ago. I have the honour of watching them grow into their mothering roles in ways they feel comfortable with and confident in.
To all the women who have touched my life through LLL, THANK YOU!
I asked for the epidural and I quit breastfeeding after 5 days, but "I tried". That is not where the story ends of course. Yes I asked for the epidural, I had an induced and augmented labour. I didn't get it in time as the doctor was too busy. Our son was born naturally without pain meds. Breastfeeding was not quite as simple. Ours was a common story of inexperience and lack of good information. That is until my mother stepped in to call my aunt. My "sleeps with her children and nurses until they can walk" aunt. To spare you a long story with a little hope, the support of my aunt ( a retired La Leche League Leader), her friend (also previously involved with La La Leche League) , my mother and my husband I went back to breastfeeding after having quit three weeks previously.
In that time I was still hesitant to attend the suggested La Leche League (LLL) Meeting. I just didn't think it would be a fit for me as I was certainly not going to be the "sleeps with her children and nurse until they can walk" kind of mom. "Funny" story though, my aunt, who had driven a few hours just to come support me was struck by lightning in her truck on her way home. Terrible thing, not funny at all; she survived but had some hearing loss and I am sure shock among other traumas. I had a sense of guilt and decided to attend a LLL Meeting. I didn't really like it. I felt like a fake as I was only just starting to breastfeed and my baby was over a month old. I had given only bottles that did not contain breastmilk for the first month and I still had no idea what I was doing. I wouldn't even breastfeed him at my first meeting.
I went back to the next meeting because by then I was breastfeeding more confidently and I was going to redeem myself. I don't think they even noticed I hadn't breastfed during the meeting but I needed to prove something to myself. What was proved was that LLL can be a fit for so many different people. I kept going back month after month, year after year.
I will soon celebrate my 12th year as a "slept with my babies and nursed them well beyond the walking stage" mother and I am into my 11th year as a La Leche League Leader. LLL does not equal sleeping with babies and nursing into toddlerhood. It is not an exclusive club only for "crunchy mamas". I met wonderful women during the past 12 years at LLL events and in the community who have introduced me to ideas that I previously balked at but now embrace. LLL is about supporting mothers where they are at. It is about being there to share with other women and learn from other women and take what works for your family.
We are way beyond the baby years now and I still LOVE women who come to LLL meetings. I LOVE being an LLL Leader. I have the fortune recently to be a part of a new community of women with a brand new LLL Group who have the passion and interest in mothering and breastfeeding that captured me 11 plus years ago. I have the honour of watching them grow into their mothering roles in ways they feel comfortable with and confident in.
To all the women who have touched my life through LLL, THANK YOU!
Monday, May 16, 2011
E-free
What does electronic use look like in your house? Our usage is constantly fluctuating. The boys can go on video game binges that seem to take up most of their waking hours. It doesn't really take up all their hours as there have always been limits on 'media' time in our house but it can feel like all they do is play video games and talk about video games. Media by our definition can consist of tv, movies, video games. Not computers so much as the boys don't really use the computer often. We, like many parents, use tv/video as a crutch too often. If there is a big reno going on in the house I find their video time increases when I need them more out of the way. It is not something I am entirely comfortable with but it happens none the less.
A few weeks ago we went "e-free". Video games in particular were taken off the option list for a while. I really wanted the kids to remember how to just play without thinking about the next game they were going to play. We also reduced the tv or movie time to one show every couple of days. I can't say that they were really on board which made it more imposed than voluntary.
They have remembered how to play again though with very little "I am bored" coming from anyone. We bought a new trampoline, they have been playing with their abundance of action figures and going outside so much more. It is refreshing to have them away from the screen.
They are still very much looking forward to their video game time again and still talk about it often together. I would be happy if the video games were not a part of our lives. I know that they have enjoyed them and have even gained skills from the games as well as knowledge but I would not be sad if all the systems went away. It is not going to happen though. I could do it of course and although Chris would be sad he would go along with it.
I don't like that they do it but it does bring them enjoyment. And to be honest there are a few games I will play....rarely. I don't intend on taking the game systems out of the house permanently. I want to encourage a healthy balance of activities like I hope they will achieve in other parts of their lives as they grow. I think, I hope we are moving toward there with the break we have taken from media for a while. When will it come back? Not yet is the only answer I have to that.
A few weeks ago we went "e-free". Video games in particular were taken off the option list for a while. I really wanted the kids to remember how to just play without thinking about the next game they were going to play. We also reduced the tv or movie time to one show every couple of days. I can't say that they were really on board which made it more imposed than voluntary.
They have remembered how to play again though with very little "I am bored" coming from anyone. We bought a new trampoline, they have been playing with their abundance of action figures and going outside so much more. It is refreshing to have them away from the screen.
They are still very much looking forward to their video game time again and still talk about it often together. I would be happy if the video games were not a part of our lives. I know that they have enjoyed them and have even gained skills from the games as well as knowledge but I would not be sad if all the systems went away. It is not going to happen though. I could do it of course and although Chris would be sad he would go along with it.
I don't like that they do it but it does bring them enjoyment. And to be honest there are a few games I will play....rarely. I don't intend on taking the game systems out of the house permanently. I want to encourage a healthy balance of activities like I hope they will achieve in other parts of their lives as they grow. I think, I hope we are moving toward there with the break we have taken from media for a while. When will it come back? Not yet is the only answer I have to that.
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