Parenting advice abounds! Literature and web content on parenting how to's are easy to find. At one time the prevailing thought on parenting was spare the rod spoil the child, and children should be seen and not heard. Mothers were encouraged to hold their babies minimally for fear the child will learn that when they cry they will be picked up. Thankfully much of the misinformation has been discounted and marked even in some cases as detrimental or dangerous.
When Seamus was first born the content of many parenting books contained modified versions of this old misinformation and highlighted how to train a baby to sleep through the night and fit baby into the parents' life. The trend of less mainstream parenting techniques was growing though. Dr. William and Martha Sears were well known amongst new parents looking for support in connecting with their baby. In the eleven years since I have become a mother things have changed and stayed the same. Parents looking for information to make parenting less of a burden have no trouble finding the advice they need to touch their baby less and get more sleep. Parents wanting to parent outside the box find support through one another on forums, through blogs, La Leche League (LLL is an organization supporting mothers of all parenting styles), Attachment Parenting International, and an increasing amount of literature supporting a more balanced family life that takes the child's perspective and needs into consideration.
Researching different techniques and trying on various styles is a necessary part of becoming a conscientious parent. Particularly for parents who were not parented gently themselves. But here is where I am going to play a bit of the devils advocate. "Attachment Parenting" can be bad. It is easy to get caught up in trying to be too ideal or at least expect to be the ideal parent right out of the starting gate. You will make mistakes, you will cringe at some of things you do. When information does not acknowledge the challenges with these styles it is dangerous.
The ideals behind gentle parenting, respectful parenting, alternative parenting, attachment parenting or any of the names used to describe techniques that lean toward high touch and respectful communications are sound. They are beyond sound. I, along with many others have grown next to some wonderful people (our children) and can see the beautiful results of the extra effort that connected parenting takes. Having seen the results after 11 years I can now say that it was worth it. I am a huge advocate and continuing student of respectful parenting. I am also a realist, most of the time. It can be difficult! Parents are often isolated from supportive family members who keep an eye on wandering toddlers freeing mothers to care for younger children or take care of home tasks. Mothers often perceive that they are expected to do it all and without the "village" of days gone by they do it all alone. It is easy to get overwhelmed and feel burn out.
The best resources include both the tools, or ideas to be a conscientious parent along with what to do when you mess up. I feel it is important to give a head's up that it is okay if you don't get it right every time. Without this message it is very easy for new parents or parents new to connected parenting to feel unsuccessful when there is a bump in the new road. One of my favourite daily emails is the Daily Groove by Scott Noelle. His Monday to Friday daily emails provide great food for thought and a realistic attitude. Much of his thoughts can be carried over into any interpersonal relations. I actually found his website while appreciating the thoughts of another parenting writer who has great ideas but lacks the realistic approach to encourage parents where they are. Despite the great information she share I know of mothers who were left with a sour taste in their mothers and feeling a bit inadequate and unable to live up to the writers ideals. I know I would have found myself in the same boat had I followed her thoughts when I was a newer parent.
There will be bumps in the road! The road will get smoother but it will never ever be bump free. Give yourself the space to learn and adjust.
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