Empty nest

Our nest is empty....well at least for this week. 


My parents are spending a week in the city where we used to live helping my brother with his house reno.  They have been gone most of this year travelling for pleasure and for work.  Their time with the boys has been limited.  The separation has been hard on them and the boys.  They are two of the best grandparents kids could ask for.  When my mother realized she was not coming straight home from their trek out west she asked if I could meet her half way to drop them off for the week. I wasn't keen on the 4 hour round trip trek but I knew that it would mean a lot for all of them. 

So much for ambitious intentions week.  I am getting all ramped up to begin "school" and they head off for a vacation.  In truth, the flexibility of home learning is one of the reasons I enjoy it so much.  While they are there maybe they can even absorb some knowledge on how to install in-floor heating.  Guaranteed they will learn MORE about being the centre of attention to their grandparents and aunts and uncles.  Eoin actually said to me the morning they left, "mom I will stay home with you". To my response "you would miss going to uncle Darren's" he didn't even let me take a breath before he retracted with "ummm no never mind I am going".   Uncles are too much fun I guess to miss out on even if it means you are leaving your mother behind.  Now that my sister lives in the same city, after living north for a long time,  they will be even more spoiled.

I had expected them to head out on Monday or Tuesday of this week though so I am a bit thrown.  My cousin was down, or up really, this week visiting her husband who is working around here for a while.  I mentioned that I would have to meet up with my mother later in the week to drop the kids off and at that moment we both realized that she was going back to the same place the next day.  Lightbulb!  She could take them back with her.  Give it a few minutes and.....lightbulb over my mommy brain....they have never travelled so far with someone they don't really know.  They have met her a couple of times but they are not really familiar with her like I am.  I really thought they would hesitate when I proposed it to them.  No hesitation.  Well Eoin looked a little uncertain but that quickly passed.  I was really proud of them. At their age I would have been quite anxious about travelling with someone I didn't really know.

Sometimes you wonder, or more truly I wonder, if because they spend so much time with the parents that they will become unable to spread their wings readily. If we don't get them used to staying or being with other people when they are younger will they buck it as they grow older?  That being said our boys have spent time with people in our circle of trust from young ages when they showed a level of comfort and readiness.   They have never been forced or coerced into day camps or time away from us with family if they were not comfortable.  A decision we felt confident in at the time but there is always that wondering as they get older and they don't spread their wings as wide when you think they should if you should have encouraged more separation.    They are proving to me that as they grow and mature there is less and less to worry about in terms of their independence and sense of adventure.  Just give it time and the time will come when they are ready to soar.  It may not be when you expect it to but it will come.  We are not at soaring yet but they are taking their steps off the branches into new unknowns.

Wondering about the importance of maintaining connection with your children as they grow?  Think about reading Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate M.D..
Warning: I found that it can be a dry read at times but it is worth it.  It can challenge current thinking on the value placed on family and friends.