What am I reading?

The past two years have been a marathon of literature for me.   I haven't picked up a book since the middle of the summer though....well not one that I read for my own pleasure.  It is a complete turn around. I was going through at least 4 books a month for a while sometimes more.  My reading list does not necessarily contain deep thought provoking material.  I have been known to dig into a good or rather a "good" ;)paranormal fiction.

On the more thoughtful side, here are some of my favourites:

The Birth House by Ami McKay                  The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson

Red Tent by Anita Diamant                         The Slap By Christos Tsiolkas

The Book of Negroes by Lawerence Hill      Water for Elephants by Sara-Gruen

The Guernsey Literary Potato Peel Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows


And my stimulating and fun list!

Women of the Otherworld Series by Kelley Armstrong
I particularly enjoy the stories focusing on Elena Michaels.  Kelley Armstrong is a Canadian author from Southwestern Ontario!!!

The Hallows Series by Kim Harrison

Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter by Laurell K Hamilton
This is a terribly risque series(they really do get over the top)

My interest in Pinterest!!

I am a Pinterest convert now!  Oh my....the things...the ideas....the lovely lovely pins.   What is a girl to do....first?  Will it be the vampire gourds, the mason jar organizers, or the cupboard door measuring cups?  No actually it is going to have to be the picture frame whiteboard weekly calendar.

But mine will have better backgrounds

I can hear the evil laughs of the women who have pulled me down into this bulletin board abyss.  First it was Etsy and now this.  What is next?   Chris is frightened......down to his toes of the ideas that will come of all this.  I have too much time on my hands not to delve into some of the amazing projects and ideas that are seemingly endless.  He will be sending me off to work in no time.....no he would never do that...but he will secretly wish it a little bit so that I couldn't bombard him with all the new and inventive ways I could rearrange our living space.

I CANNOT wait to get to the store to get my picture frame to start my new project!!!!! I just picked up the most awesome paper the other day that would be perfect!!!! (and I had not even been on Pinterest, it must have been fate!!!) Maybe I will have to cancel my LLL Meeting tomorrow and go to town instead?????

Room with a view

Our Resource Worker from CAS came by the other day for her regularly scheduled visit. She has stopped by about every two months since our approval this spring.  This is our Foster care Resource worker, we also have an Adoption Resource worker.  They have both been warm, friendly and ready to answer any questions we have.  I look forward to having the Foster Resource worker visit, we always go over the scheduled time chatting.   The personal feel she brings to our conversations is not what I expected at all from the CAS.  No doubt my opinion was baseless but I assumed that the workers would be more clinical and cold.  That has not been the case for the most part.  We have come across some great staff who are professional and personable.

Lately Chris and I have been discussing the option of opening ourselves to 'fostering with a view to adopt'.  When we started the process we indicated we were interested in adoption only.  That changed to choosing to provide respite care to foster families for a weekend or during their vacation.  Our experience with respite fostering has been limited but positive.  It is a great opportunity to get a feel for how our family dynamic works with children of varying needs, and we enjoy having extra children around. 
Fostering with a view is essentially fostering with the agreement that if the children become crown wards without access then the foster family would adopt them legally.  Currently I believe that children in our part of the country are only adoptable when they have a crown ward without access judgement meaning a judge determines whether the best interest for the child is to remove any and all visits with the birth parents/family making them wards of the crown and eligible for adoption or to allow continued visits or the option of visits, even when reunification will not work. The child then remains in long term foster care with access visits for the birth family. 

This can be a risky and emotional roller coaster for the family who wants to adopt the child.  The benefit is children have the potential for less moves throughout their time in the foster system.  The dilemma for the family hoping to adopt is opening their lives to possibility of including this little person or young adult into their lives forever but with the potential that CAS will determine reunification with the birth parent is ideal or a judge will order the child to return to the custody of the birth parent.

If we are to be presented with a fostering with a view to adopt opportunity we would essentially be putting our adoption plans on standstill to foster instead.  It could culminate in an adoption or it may be that we spend years as foster parents while we root for the birth parents to reorganize their lives to better parent.  We have to consider the loss that our family could go through if adoption isn't the outcome.  How would the boys handle that? Chris? or myself?   Will I become as possessive about a foster child as I have heard some foster with a view families can be?  I would hope not but I have learned that until I experience it I don't know how I will deal.

Drawing on success

Chris made us an outline drawing of a generic character a number of months back.  The intention was the boys could create their own customized versions.  We photocopy his version often and let the boys go to town.... I couldn't resist either.  It is a wonderful activity to do with the kids when I just need them sitting down for a bit.

Eoin was struggling at the time with intense frustration over his belief that he had a lack of artistic ability.  His arts may not lay in drawing but he is certainly not un-artistic.  The boy loves music and can pick out most bands on the radio in the first few bars if he has heard them before.  To him though, with two brothers who enjoy drawing it is frustrating to be so "behind".  His fine motor skills are not where his brothers were at his age.  He was beginning to get emotional when just talk of drawing would come up.  Chris in his smarts ;)  decided that maybe he would try giving Eoin a base character and letting him customize.   At first Eoin still struggled but he felt some success.   He tried again and again getting better each time.  His feelings of accomplishment grew quickly.  The boys are fantastic with him and give him encouraging words, never pointing out their own drawings in comparison to Eoin's.  In the past few months with Eoin's growing confidence in his abilities so came some skill itself.  Below is the progression of Eoin's characters and then some of the ones the rest of the family created. Eoin's are all pencil drawings because that is all I could find however for the most part he spends his time photocopying his creations and then colouring them over and over in variations (pencil, marker, watercolour).

Mace guy- early attempt

Super dog mouth early attempt

Guitar dude mid way attempt

Knives late summer attempt

?don't know his name recent attempt

Liss-The most recent attempt who is also the main character in his new story

 And then the boys and my own creations:

Liam's Naavi

Liam's Goblin Bro

Liam "UNFINISHED" Keyblade Knight

Seamus' Goblin

Seamus' Kingdom Hearts dude

Seamus' Link (his favourite fictional person in the whole universe)

Jenn's - Steampunk girl

Jenn's - Peonie

Jenn's-   Wrappin' mama (yep had to do it!)

Jenn's -Slingin' Mama :D

Write On!

My boys are writing.   It is almost 10 pm and they were supposed to be in bed about an hour ago ( I have been up since 5 am so I was ready for them to go to bed an hour ago).   Instead they are writing. They are writing enthusiastically.  Telling of stories between each other, feeding off of each other's ideas, creating involved imaginative worlds, that of all things often stars their webkinz "like" animal collection, happens day in and day out here.  The writing down of these thoughts not so much.  They draw their stories, 'story board' their plays, comics and movies of the future, animate their ideas and tell their stories (over and over and over). They are most recently designing and then creating with scrap material the costumes for their 'stars' but they don't usually write the stories down.   It is hard for me to send them off to bed when they are so excited about putting their words to print.    I enjoy writing, so it thrills me to see them with eyes lit up as they jot down their thoughts.  I don't want to end the flow of thoughts and writings they are producing. 

I attended an Usborne book party a couple weeks ago.  Books are a problem for me.  I love books!  Chris has an even deeper attraction to books I think so it is not like there is a balance in our house; no one to remain sane about the acquiring of print material. This round of book purchases focused on arts and crafts books (can't wait to try them out) as well as "The Usborne Write Your Own Story Book" .  I have other story starter books for the kids and have printed off online resources for story starters but none have seemed to capture their attention like this new resource.

Homeschool- Life school-It is cool to be in our school!

Our official start of our schooling year begins tomorrow.  It was supposed to start last Tuesday but life happens ; ).  No big plans here just going to sit down together and do a wee bit of sheet work and hang out.  Since we practice life learning with a tiny bit of 'curriculum' thrown in we 'school' all the time.  Today Eoin asked to work with the French version of Rosetta Stone language programming, Seamus and Liam worked with Sculpey to design new character models, and I did some tissue paper art.....I will post some pictures when it is finished.     Eoin made the salad for dinner all on his own, with a knife and everything...yikes!  They very thoughtfully worked on their 'talk to me about....breastfeeding' signs.  Curious about that one... you will have wait and see.

This year, like the last, we will have our 'schooling days' on Tues, Wed, and Thurs with a really long weekend on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.  Our 'schooling' hours will be in the a.m and we will be done before lunch....... so don't call me, 'cause you will mess me up!  I would like to get some great 'field trips' in this year too,  any suggestions would be great.  We are going to a special display at the museum this week and then a medieval event at the museum next month.   I am sure we will take a skiing trip... or two if the finances allow.... man that is an expensive sport!!!  We usually go to a Stratford Festival play but here is a secret about me....I HATE MUSICALS, I REALLY DON'T LIKE THEM!!!  I know Stratford doesn't only have musicals and for that I am grateful but the ones that were appropriate for the boys were musicals. Since the boys didn't seem interested in any this year either it probably isn't going to happen.

The boys start the guitar lessons this week too.  Eoin is going into his second year and Liam has decided to give it a whirl.  We bought a new electric guitar that sounds infinitely better than the cheapy one he worked with last year and an amp that will blast the neighbours.  Thank goodness we live in the woods.  Their music teacher is a young guy in his twenties who was an amazing mentor for Eoin last year.  He had just the right amount of cool, humour and motivational attitude.  He doesn't take himself or the lessons too seriously that it makes it unenjoyable for the kids.  Eoin keeps wanting to go back to the lessons which says a lot because Eoin doesn't often like getting up and going to things that are redundant.  I love that the boys can hang out with this guy.

I love homeschooling.... we get to fit all that in with other things on top like Cubs, swimming lessons, meeting with friends, my daytime meetings, dentist appointments, hair cuts, groceries..... and it isn't overwhelming. We don't have the 'over full schedule syndrome' that seems to befall families these days.  We are not running out right after eating,  if there is time to eat together because the kids just got off the bus and it is off to this activity or that activity. We get to enjoy our days, can't beat that in my so humble opinion.  The boys get to live a lower stress life for the time being. Not stress free because....well they have to live with me and I am certainly not a no stress woman.



 

Multi-generational living

My children are back and with them came my parents.  When we moved away from the big city 4 years ago my parents retired early and came to live in our home.  We created, well they created mostly, a separate living space on our lowest level.  It is completely self contained.  In the past 4 years they really haven't been here much, maybe half the time.  My father was not ready to retire, he was ready to retire from his previous job, but not ready to settle into a full retirement.  They go off to work sometimes across our big country and other times they head down south to vacation for a few months.  Each time it tears my mother to pieces.  She adores our children, they both do really.  This is why the boys just returned from being gone for a week and half.  My parents needed to make a pit stop in the big city on their way back from a couple months out west.  They couldn't wait the week to see the boys so off the boys went to stay with my parents.

There are so many benefits to having my parents live with us.  My parents love yard work and we have a big yard to work on, my mother adores raking leaves and we have umpteen million of them to rake each fall, my dad loves to keep busy and we have had many renos to keep him busy, my mom has this weird love for cleaning and I have a house full of boys to make it messy.  Living in a new place has definitely been easier since we have live in babysitters (when they are here that is) and a family connection right down a flight of stairs.

There are so many struggles to having my parents live with us.  My mother lives right down a flight of stairs.  Need I say more?  She is a lovely person, the kind that all our friends wanted as their own.  She is funny, caring, generous, but she is MY mother and so there are years of living with each other that we are forced to confront each and everyday when they are here.  Each "hello" can sometimes have it's own deep dark unique meaning that stems back to when I was sixteen and she said "fill in any annoying parent comment here" to me or to when I was sixteen and screamed "fill in any ridiculously obnoxious teen comment here" to her.   And then there is the added stress of Chris having to share space with his in laws.  Which he does so graciously.  Thank you my love, you are the best!! Top all this off with their leaving and ultimate return back to our nest every few months where we all have to readjust to each other over and over.

Multi-generational living takes patience, humility, love, a sense of humour, honesty with a large dose of respect and acceptance.  I am sure it takes a lot more but those are some of the things that I have needed most and am still working on. 

The boys are back in town

Their smiling faces have lit up our home.  Their giggles have filled the hall, the kitchen, the living room, and every place in between.  They have grown....yes in a week and a half... I measured them and quite literally they seem to have grown.  They are three of the coolest people I will ever meet and I have the pleasure of loving them.

We snuggled up before bed and read a chapter of Fablehaven, Eoin's favourite book series.  Liam cracked the corniest jokes, Seamus snuggled in as close as he could and Eoin took in each and every word I read.  Then it was off to bed....no really off to bed....okay I mean it, off to bed....hey why is the light still on.....off. to. bed!

The quiet nights are gone, the slow pace is gone, the childless couple time is gone.  Back to cooking/cleaning, cooking/cleaning, cooking/cleaning, and then doing it all again the next day.  My days will be filled with answering the same question 20 times, asking the same question 20 times, and reciting the reasons we don't play video games every day.

The quiet nights are gone, the slow pace is gone, the childless couple time is gone.  Back to hearing the chuckles of the secret society of brothers late into the night, being on the receiving end of that smile that melts a heart, kissing 'invisible' ouches that only a parent can see, and listening to jokes that don't quite make sense but you have to laugh anyway.

When we had babies we could not have imagined anything sweeter,  when we had toddlers we could not have imagined anything more fun, when we had preschoolers we could not have imagined anything more engaging. We have school-agers and if you asked two of them we have a school-ager, a tweener and a pre-teen.  No matter what you call them we could not have imagined anything as wonderful as this.


Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close at heart ~Kay Knudsen

Missing pieces

Feeling a bit off today.  It was quite a productive day.  Chris and I worked in the yard for most of the afternoon and we painted our front door an interesting orange/yellow colour that the jury is still out on.  We had a good afternoon. Despite the great day there still seems to be a cloud of sorts over the house. 

It wasn't until Chris walked into the living room and out of the blue exclaimed "I miss the boys" that I realized it was the boys being gone that was pulling us down.  It has been a lovely time just hanging out together and being accountable only to the recovering dog and ourselves.  I know the boys are having a great time.  They will even be staying over at their aunt's house for the first time. I am excited for all of them and can't wait to hear how it goes.  However it has been over a week now that they have been gone and we are missing them terribly. 

They really are so much fun to have around.  No I don't enjoy the incessant video game discussions or the cooking/cleaning, cooking/cleaning, cooking/cleaning that comes with them being here.  I do miss talking to them.  They are all at fantastic ages.  The first years with three boys under 4 years old was difficult at times.  Even though I loved (still love) being a mother it was challenging to meet the needs of three babies.  Now at this stage they are incredible to be with. They make me laugh every day; they make me laugh until I pee cry.  They are sweet, curious, blunt, helpful....well they are all helpful sometimes and one in particular is helpful all the time.

I don't know how parents look forward to summer break being over.  I get the draw to the break school gives you, believe me I do! What I don't get is how a parent cannot cherish the moments that they do get over the school break and want to hold onto those moments as long as they can. There are only three mothers of older school age children that I have heard talk about the sadness of school starting and how much they are going to miss their children when it starts up in fall.  

The messages parents get through media encourage it.  I get frustrated with the radio spots that start in June emphasizing the break that parents need from kids during the summer.  Perpetuating the idea that children are unruly and uncontrollable irks me.  There is this notion that all parents are counting down the days until school starts. Yes I know that mine don't go to school but even when I am out I get the comments about not knowing how I deal with them all the time.  Really?  They are mine that is how I deal with them, AND I like my children.  They have quirks and behaviours that get under my skin for sure, but I certainly have my own that they could do without.

What if we started spreading the message that parents can like being with their children?   We could encourage the idea that children are fun to be with.  I have been a big believer in framing my children positively.  The way in which we frame children dictates much of how we view our experiences with them.  I may have a child who pushes buttons, who repeatedly asks for the same thing over and over, who talks back at times.  In fact I do have a child like that and at times I can have two like that.  They are highly motivated children who know their rights and advocate well for themselves.  And yes I really do describe them that way.  The times when I have framed them in a negative light, and despite this soap box I stand on I have been known to do this,  I feel worse about them, about me and about my parenting.  Events seem bigger than they are, more desperate even.

This is a topic for another day however....tomorrow maybe? 

Back to missing my own boys. The first week was okay and the break was nice for all of us.  It is nice to be separate for a while when you spend so much time together.  When they were little it was different.  They needed me to care for them and they didn't need or want time away from me.  Now they get sick of me I am sure.  They want a change of scenery, a change of people, new faces, fresh energy. 

I am glad they are having a great time.  It is nice to be able to give them this opportunity to hang out with family when we are not there to interfere.  A week and a half we are realizing is too long for Chris and I.  I do hope they are looking forward to coming home as much as I am looking forward to their homecoming on Wednesday night.

Ambivalence

Walking downtown the other day it hit me that my feelings on growing our family are in stark contrast.  I was enjoying a stroll down the two blocks that contains the mainstay of the downtown area realizing that it is lovely to be at a point in life where I get more solo time.  I can go for walks every evening on the beach with my husband, the boys are easily entertained if I am trying to ravish a book that I am into and I can even just go to bed if the boys want to stay up.  Life is pretty easy right now.  Interestingly almost every time someone finds out that I have three school aged boys they exclaim "wow you must really be busy".  I am not busy for the most part.  They are pretty self sufficient and they like each other's company.  I am not sure what more I could ask for.

Or maybe I am sure what I could ask for. I could ask for a bigger family. I could ask my husband and children to consider opening their hearts and home.

There are days, moments even, where I envision our future as a larger family.  I feel like that is where life will lead us and it makes me happy, excited.  Having a placement of a sibling group in our home takes up much of my thinking space.  I wonder if it will be girls or boys, I wonder about the ages and how the boys will fair with the change.  I want it to happen. I want to get the call and have it come soon. 

There are days, moments even, where I think I don't want to go through this uncertainty.  I feel like it is just easier to keep things the same.  Enjoy our family as it is, take in all the moments with the boys and live like we are done growing our family.  I wonder if I really want to give up my long walks, my quiet moments with boys who are at fabulous ages.  I think about the major life changes an adoption or foster placement will bring about and whether we want that. 

There are days, moments even,  where I think I just want a bigger family and I want it now.   I feel like it would be simpler if Chris went to get a vasectomy reversal.  I would LOVE to be pregnant again and LOVE even more to give birth again.  This time in our new home, near our fireplace, maybe even with the boys there if they choose.  I would be thrilled at the idea of being able to use my slings again (if I can find them all and get them back from whoever borrowed them), and sharing those precious nursing moments with a new baby.

There are days, moments even, when my thoughts jump to each one of these options.  I am ambivalent.

Does ambivalence mean we are not ready to adopt?  No absolutely not. If we received a call today that was a match for us we would no doubt move forward with that journey in our life, embrace it and it would be the best it could be.  Does ambivalence mean that we should just continue without changing the size of our family because I cherish my new alone time?  No absolutely not.  Alone time will come again in a few years.  Does ambivalence mean that we should conceive more children?  No absolutely not.  As much as I would soar being pregnant and giving birth again, I think I will still want to consider adoption and it is a lot to ask of Chris to go through surgery again.

There are days, moments even, when my choice can be any one of these.  I am ambivalent, but I want clarity.

To clean or not to clean

Want to help me procrastinate?  I have no children at home... a rarity and therefore I have no excuse to not clean my house.

 I DON'T WANT TO CLEAN THE HOUSE!

Can you hear the whine in my voice?  It is there I assure you.  I know I will feel great about it when it is done and I will be glad to have done it and will feel productive as well. I just don't want to get started.  Really I don't want to keep going because I have already vacuumed the living room and the couch, and pull out the fridge and stove.......YUCK!!!

Do I have to do it? No of course not but to not take advantage of three whirlwinds following me around messing up behind me would be silly! And I do love the look of the house when it is clean. Coming through the front door and seeing a clean kitchen counter and swept floors makes me feel happy.

So I suppose I will get back to it...........oh wait it is time for me to head into town for a meeting.... darn, guess I will pick it up later.

Thank you for your support in my efforts to procrastinate.

Drive ins ROCK!

With the boys away for the week Chris and I took advantage of a dusk to dawn showing at a local-ish drive in.  We are about one hour drive from three different drive ins.  We absolutely love taking the boys.  It is so much fun to pile everyone up in the back of the car with blankets and pillows to watch movies on a huge screen.  We used to all fit in the car but this year it was apparent that the boys have outgrown that, with Seamus very quickly reaching my own height we just don't have the room.Chris and I have been pushed outside with lawn chairs.  Zero gravity lawn chairs are an incredibly comfortable way to watch a movie under the dark summer sky!!

Being that the movie list is limited to the boys ages and appropriateness we don't always get to go when the line up doesn't work.  Flying solo, or dual I suppose, meant that we could go and watch movies Chris and I had been looking forward to.  On top of that we could go to the all night quadruple feature! All for $24, you cannot beat that!  The boys actually would easily make it through a dusk to dawn event but the movies after 2 am aren't usually directed to them.  It is not so easy for Chris and I, but we did it.  We made it through all 4 movies (The Change Up, Crazy, Stupid Love, Bridesmaids, and Bad Teacher) and home before we crashed.  Once our head's hit the pillow however we were out.

I was a little worse for wear the next day.  I didn't get to sleep in as long as I would have liked due to our dog needing some care.  She didn't really sleep much during the movies but that didn't seem to phase her at 9 am when she wanted breakfast. It didn't matter to her that we had only got in less than 3 hours before. It was worth the sleep deprivation though.  Cuddling together under the stars is so much fun.

How long has it been since you been to a drive in?  Find one and go!  They are perfect for families with babies and toddlers.  Parents with tiny ones get to watch what they want while their little ones sleep.  They are none the wiser as they doze in the back.   Babies are portable they can go almost anywhere.  For that matter I used to take the baby to the theatre too, we watched while the baby nursed and slept in the sling.  If they got fussy I just walked out in the hall until they settled.  Actually Eoin has been to concerts too.  He took in a Great Big Sea Concert when he was just 5 months old, we just made sure he had the added protection of ear plugs.  You don't have to limit all your activities when children arrive or leave them behind with babysitters....although that is nice at times too ( I write as my children are gone visiting for a week without us ;) ).  The more we start including our children in social activities the more normalized it will become.

Empty nest

Our nest is empty....well at least for this week. 


My parents are spending a week in the city where we used to live helping my brother with his house reno.  They have been gone most of this year travelling for pleasure and for work.  Their time with the boys has been limited.  The separation has been hard on them and the boys.  They are two of the best grandparents kids could ask for.  When my mother realized she was not coming straight home from their trek out west she asked if I could meet her half way to drop them off for the week. I wasn't keen on the 4 hour round trip trek but I knew that it would mean a lot for all of them. 

So much for ambitious intentions week.  I am getting all ramped up to begin "school" and they head off for a vacation.  In truth, the flexibility of home learning is one of the reasons I enjoy it so much.  While they are there maybe they can even absorb some knowledge on how to install in-floor heating.  Guaranteed they will learn MORE about being the centre of attention to their grandparents and aunts and uncles.  Eoin actually said to me the morning they left, "mom I will stay home with you". To my response "you would miss going to uncle Darren's" he didn't even let me take a breath before he retracted with "ummm no never mind I am going".   Uncles are too much fun I guess to miss out on even if it means you are leaving your mother behind.  Now that my sister lives in the same city, after living north for a long time,  they will be even more spoiled.

I had expected them to head out on Monday or Tuesday of this week though so I am a bit thrown.  My cousin was down, or up really, this week visiting her husband who is working around here for a while.  I mentioned that I would have to meet up with my mother later in the week to drop the kids off and at that moment we both realized that she was going back to the same place the next day.  Lightbulb!  She could take them back with her.  Give it a few minutes and.....lightbulb over my mommy brain....they have never travelled so far with someone they don't really know.  They have met her a couple of times but they are not really familiar with her like I am.  I really thought they would hesitate when I proposed it to them.  No hesitation.  Well Eoin looked a little uncertain but that quickly passed.  I was really proud of them. At their age I would have been quite anxious about travelling with someone I didn't really know.

Sometimes you wonder, or more truly I wonder, if because they spend so much time with the parents that they will become unable to spread their wings readily. If we don't get them used to staying or being with other people when they are younger will they buck it as they grow older?  That being said our boys have spent time with people in our circle of trust from young ages when they showed a level of comfort and readiness.   They have never been forced or coerced into day camps or time away from us with family if they were not comfortable.  A decision we felt confident in at the time but there is always that wondering as they get older and they don't spread their wings as wide when you think they should if you should have encouraged more separation.    They are proving to me that as they grow and mature there is less and less to worry about in terms of their independence and sense of adventure.  Just give it time and the time will come when they are ready to soar.  It may not be when you expect it to but it will come.  We are not at soaring yet but they are taking their steps off the branches into new unknowns.

Wondering about the importance of maintaining connection with your children as they grow?  Think about reading Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate M.D..
Warning: I found that it can be a dry read at times but it is worth it.  It can challenge current thinking on the value placed on family and friends.

The pets we love

Pets add something extra to our lives.   They love us unconditionally, they let us cuddle them, they are the empathetic ear to childhood woes, and they are loyal to the end.   They are also really really expensive.

Three years ago we fell prey to the cute puppy syndrome.  Our neighbour brought over their new puppy and somehow a few days later we found ourselves the family to his litter mate/sister.  We had talked about a pet dog for a number of years so it was not completely spur of the moment decision.   Both Chris and I had dogs as children and wanted the kids to experience that connection as well.  We knew dogs were expensive and a big responsibility.  One of my 'pet' peeves ; ) is when people do not take pet ownership seriously enough and have animals coming in and out of their home on a revovling basis.  If you are going to buy a dog it is a lifetime commitment.  Of course there are circumstances where life happenings mean you have to move a dog to a different family but inconvenience shouldn't be one of them. Know what you are doing when you buy a dog!

As much as we love our dog Willow, a shiny black lab, we also still see her as a dog and understand that we will have to make decisions for her health and possibly her death that we would never have to make for a family member.  That doesn't make it easy though.  We know that the pocket book is not magically without a bottom.  There is a bottom line for us with our pet.

This past year seems to be stretching that bottom line some.  Last winter she suddenly fell ill and we had to utilize the vet services.  She was vomitting blood and generally unwell.  Many hundreds of dollars later we find out no reason behind it but she gets better.  Can you really put a dog down for a week of vomitting blood? We couldn't. Not long after she somehow injures her leg and it is bck to the vet to figure it out.  Many more hundreds of dollars later we find out she may have hip dysplasia.  Now this was a case of a vet who just didn't listen as I expressed loudly that I doubted it was the hips since she was only lifting the one leg.  When we have to go back a month or so later because she was still limping we pay more hundreds of dollars to find out that no it was not the hips but rather a common lab injury where they tear the ligament in their knee.  We were referred to a big city vet surgeon and the surgery would be about $4000????????  Yes that is crazy.

I read up on a more conservative method of healing, aptly called conservative management. We could not see sinking $4000 more than we already had into a dog.  Conservative Management entailed very very restricted movement for at least 8 weeks and likely more closer to a year.  She did well on that and lived pain free, but was not healing to the point of being able to run ever again.  She is an active or was an active 3 year old lab, who adored running in the water at the beach and playing with her incredibly active brother next door.  We came across some info on a vet we used to take her to.  He performs the surgery we need at a lower cost than the big city vets.  Why didn't our new vet recommend this local vet??? Good question and I would love an answer to that one day.  After talking it over we decided to give her a life of activity. In part I must admit I wasn't too keen on taking her out to pee on a leash for the next 10 years.

We are now just passing the first week post surgery and I think she is doing well.  She looks like she has a punk hairdo, has an 8 " incision and is quite sedate but happy.

The cost of the surgery was a big stretch for us even if it was much lower than the original plan and I don't know if we would have done it if she were older and moving on in years but we made the decision to put the investment into our dog.  Now the challenge is to keep that investment safe and making sure she doesn't damage herself during the long recovery period.

The things we do for our animals :D

Willow the happy lab

Willow the punk lab

     

WARNING GRAPHIC INSICION SHOT

Big world, small world

We live in a small town now where everyone knows each other.  People move away for college and come right back to raise their families. I understand why, it is absolutely beautiful here.  Slower pace of life, amazing beaches, trees, baby calves everywhere.....they are sooooooo cute.   It would be a hard place to leave behind forever.

Here the world is small in a way. It makes sense that everyone knows everyone else.  But we have not been small towners for long so I am used to walking down the street and not recognizing a face coming from a big town.  We just went back to the "big city" last weekend and Chris commented that even though he spent his entire life there before coming here he didn't not recognize a soul.  It really made us appreciate the small town life.

Of course the world is a lot smaller now with the over abundance of social networking.  I am not a big Facebooker but I will dabble on occasion when a notification comes to my email.  This week my email contained high facebook notification traffic.  While on there I see a conversation between my dearest friend from highschool.....LOVE YOU! and another friend from highschool who was way too much of a hoot!!!   Simple enough but then somewhere in there the woman I am closest to in this entire world, my 'wife' if you ask my husband.....although I think I am the more girly girly girl of the two of us ;) but I did 'catch' her baby so I will take the role of 'husband'.....is responding as well in a comfortable way, obviously knowing these people.   I introduced 'wife' to dearest highschool friend a couple of years ago and know they have chatted on facebook a couple times but where the other connection came in confounded me.  Although I could see how they would just become fast and funny friends, they are both crazy.  Apparently they worked together for a short time this summer but hit it off right away.  It is just interesting that people you care for in separate lives can come together in friendship in a place where you can live for 30 years and not know a face during a walk through the mall.

I am sure we all have a few 'hey how do you know that person' stories. They are nice way to remind us that we really are so connected in this big world.  It is a nice feeling for someone who has been transplanted what can seem like a light year away from family and friends.

Blog train

 I have been blessed to meet a bunch of wonderful, fantastic, dynamic, creative, thoughtful mothers this past year.  One of them decided to start a new blog....not sure what it is called yet....  she was partly encouraged by others in the group who already have blogs.  Her email led me to look through some of the other's blogs today. I followed a line that connected them all and started with one of the ladies posting a link on facebook to a beautiful video that she had found about mothering. Check out this Must see video for mothers . And then it was a blog topic here at Hairlesspuppy , and then apparently here at A muddled mama and then here at Funkylindsay.com with some more comments from other wonderful mothers I know spattered in there as well.  So now I am going to be a copy cat and share my thoughts on this beautiful video.    Here are my thoughts on what I would tell myself if I could go back before each of my births.



Things I would tell myself before Seamus' birth:

*doulas do make a difference and midwifery care is worth it!

*when you cannot talk through contractions you are probably going to have a baby soon (it doesn't matter if labour only started a couple hours ago)

*it is okay to cry, pick yourself up and try again even after you decide to wean

*MAKE NO DECISIONS on breastfeeding between the hours of 1 a.m. and 7 a.m.

*you may not be 'in love' with your baby right away

*forgive yourself!!!

*accept and ask for help

*you don't need a crib (or much of the baby stuff for that matter) but you do need flexibility and an open mind when it comes to night time parenting


Things I would tell myself before Liam's birth:

*you will get frustrated with your first baby when your new baby arrives and you will feel guilty

*your toddler will love you anyway, even when he has to wait for a crying baby

*nursing two at a time feels really weird.....but so worth it

*they will get hurt and it will hurt you to see it

*they really mean it when they say each child is different



Things I would tell myself before Eoin's birth:


*it is okay to cry when one toddler needs a hug, the other insists on being on the potty and the new one needs to nurse (simultaneously)

*you will be able to love each and everyone one of them with all of your heart

*DO NOT take permanent measures to avoid pregnancy before your last baby is well over one year old