Spanking
That word alone raises the hackles of parents everywhere. Be it through their strong feelings toward their right to discipline their child as they see necessary or because they feel spanking removes the right of the child to be protected both mind and body. Often it induces the comment "I was hit and I turned out okay".
Well, I was spanked and I turned out okay. But my children will not know the hand of their parent. From neither Chris nor I. I didn't turn out okay because I was spanked. I turned out okay inspite the fact that I was spanked.
On facebook today a highschool acquaintance posted "spanking is NOT abuse if it is done RIGHT". I don't usually comment but the child advocate in me couldn't hold back. Firstly don't put things on facebook and expect people not to comment. If you put it out there publicly there are people who will not agree with you. Second why put out such a strong long debated statement if not for reactions?
Interestingly, at least for me, only moments before I had been thinking on what topic I may want to blog about and spanking was on my list.
I am firmly of the belief that no child should be hit....ever. Not even when they run out in the road and the caregiver needs them to know how frightened they are.....a situation suggested by another facebooker where they felt spanking may be warranted. The same person suggested that if we don't hit children now then they will learn how it feels to be hit in jail......however I am pretty sure many inmates were hit as children like the majority of us. Back to the running into the street situation: How does hitting a child when they have almost been hit by a car come close to sending the message to the child that their life mean so much to you? Your body language, your fear, the look in your eyes, the depth of the hug you give them afterward will tell them enough that it was dangerous. They will feel your terror and know. Hitting them will tell them that you are not a safe place to come to. I have had a toddler run out into the road, very narrowly miss being hit by the car, I did not hit him. He felt the impact though, of my worry, of my love, of my concern. I was sure to make certain to watch him more carefully while he learned about our fast moving world.
Sadly corporal punishment is a part of our criminal code. It is allowable by law to spank a child and the fact that it is part of our criminal code is used to defend it. Spanking law Section s43 of the Criminal Code . You cannot stop there though. If you read further into the law there are parameters. Did you know that you cannot hit a child under two or over 12? That is must be done as "by way of correction" and that the use of force must be sober and reasoned. How many parents spank when they are feeling restrained and sober. How often does it happen after you have let go of the anger at the recent dissent you have experienced from the child? The child must also have the capacity to understand and benefit from the correction. Thus you may not under the criminal code smack 1 year on the hand for touching the light socket.
Coming from the information on spanking from our Parliament, "the force must be transitory and trifling, must not harm or degrade the child, and must not be based on the gravity of the wrongdoing." How does hitting ever not degrade a child? To the comment from the facebooker, I propose this statement not far from her own "hitting a woman is not abuse, if it is done right". Appalling right? So why do we think it is okay when we hit a child 'right'?
When this law was put to question in 2004 the government unfortunately chose not to change it, but it is curious to note that they felt it necessary to remove the wording that allowed rights of a master to use force on an apprentice to correct them. Why, probably because it would be abusive and infringe on the rights of the person, the grown person specifically.
Parenting without hitting can actually be harder. It is not always easy to employ the methods that require thinking rather than action. It can become second nature and it gets easier as you grow in your parenting. Not hitting does not equal no guidance. It probably takes more guidance to parent without hitting.
Want to know about how to parent without hitting? here are some great resources
Internet and book resources
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