Tuesday, March 20, 2012
my first quiche:guest post by Seamus
The other day while grocery shopping I saw a box of quiche. I have always wanted to try a quiche, so I asked my mother if she knew how to make one. She didn't. I looked it up (see Link)mini quiche. I modified the recipe a bit by using frozen tart shells instead of bread. They turned out very well. This is the first recipe that I have made completely alone from beginning to end. My brother Eoin enjoyed it, and my father too but my brother Liam and my mother wouldn't try them. They hate eggs. :p
Monday, March 19, 2012
Good mother
Today in front of a bunch of women I made the claim that I was a damn good mother. Said for effect, sure, however I believe it with all my heart. I am.
I am a good mother because I try. I try to find new ways or use the old ways that work. I try to be better, not just as a mother but as a wife and person. I don't do everything right, I don't do much right sometimes. So what makes me a good mother? I recognize that I am not going to do it all right, then I work at finding ways to not make the same mistakes. I am a thinking mother.
Motherhood is what I have chosen as my career. I made the conscious choice to make this my job and I love my job. It is not all that I am but it certainly takes a big portion of my day, of my thoughts. I take my job home with me at night ; D.
I am good at my job. It is a job though where my competence doesn't always make the difference I would like it to. From watching other damn good mothers I have learned that good mothering does not guarantee outcomes. I have seen damn good mothers cry as their teen or adult children struggle through trauma, through drug addiction, through depression. Our children grow and their experiences soon are out of our hands. Our children grow and what they do with their lives eventually is up to them. We can only control our choices. And then we can only hope that those choices help make our children's lives easier.
Each mother has her style. Too often we don't recognize that there is more than one way. We need to celebrate the differences; learn from one another. Mothering, good mothering in my opinion, takes courage. To mother well a woman needs to be thoughtful. A mother needs to be fearless and protective. A mother needs to be cautious and trusting. A mother needs to feel valued and KNOW her value.
Are you a damn good mother?
I am a good mother because I try. I try to find new ways or use the old ways that work. I try to be better, not just as a mother but as a wife and person. I don't do everything right, I don't do much right sometimes. So what makes me a good mother? I recognize that I am not going to do it all right, then I work at finding ways to not make the same mistakes. I am a thinking mother.
Motherhood is what I have chosen as my career. I made the conscious choice to make this my job and I love my job. It is not all that I am but it certainly takes a big portion of my day, of my thoughts. I take my job home with me at night ; D.
I am good at my job. It is a job though where my competence doesn't always make the difference I would like it to. From watching other damn good mothers I have learned that good mothering does not guarantee outcomes. I have seen damn good mothers cry as their teen or adult children struggle through trauma, through drug addiction, through depression. Our children grow and their experiences soon are out of our hands. Our children grow and what they do with their lives eventually is up to them. We can only control our choices. And then we can only hope that those choices help make our children's lives easier.
Each mother has her style. Too often we don't recognize that there is more than one way. We need to celebrate the differences; learn from one another. Mothering, good mothering in my opinion, takes courage. To mother well a woman needs to be thoughtful. A mother needs to be fearless and protective. A mother needs to be cautious and trusting. A mother needs to feel valued and KNOW her value.
Are you a damn good mother?
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
the simple things
20 things that bring me joy.......... a non comprehensive and not necessarily prioritized list:
- Waking up next to the man of my dreams each morning
- ...and then turning to see one of our little men crawling in for a cuddle
- The smiles that go beyond the lips and reach deep into the boys' eyes.
- Watching them create, paint, draw.....all of them in their own way, including the man of my dreams
- A good hair day......don't judge.... I like my hair
- Watching Willow roll in the snow like she would never want to be anywhere else
- The freckles on our wee-est one's nose
- The deep dark stare of our second oldest wee one
- Knowing that our oldest little man only has 1/2 and inch to go before he is taller than his mom
- Belly laughs from the boys' room...even if it is at midnight
- Seeing a mother wear her baby
- Organization
- Our yard
- A freshly renovated room
- Firsts (first word, first smile, first kiss, first snow, first warm day.........)
- My husband coming in from work, safe and sound
- The hugs I get when he comes home from work (even if I am trying to cook dinner)
- Dancing in my living room
- Windsor style Pizza
- Remembering my birth stories
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Nighty-night
Bedtime. UGH! I hate the sleep topic. I hate it because it is one of those parenting affairs that is surrounded by strong opinions that come from everyone from your local grocer to your dog groomer. What is the questions parents get most? "Is she sleeping through the night". So what do parents think about most? "Is she sleeping through the night.
Sleep training, cry it out, gentle sleep solutions.......Sleep solutions? Sleep or lack there of during the years that we parent is not something that needs to be solved. It is what it is. Babies wake frequently, get over it!!! Yep that was harsh.
What I really mean is....this too shall pass. Many mothers find that they will get sleep again. Infact many mothers of infants find they get sleep just fine when they follow their instincts and the practice of many many mothers before them, tending to their babies at night. Sleep 'problems' are not even a universal world wide parenting issue. There are cultures that would look at a North American parent sideways with mention of sleep deprivation. Baby sleep patterns: A guide for the science-minded parent by Gwen Dewar PhD lists other cultures where babies are not expected to have solitary sleep and discusses the myth of 'sleeping through the night'.
Jan Hunt of The Natural Child Project has compiled a wonderful list of sleep articles by numerous authors including James J McKenna of the Mother-Baby Behavioural Sleep institute. James J McKenna has been instrumental in ongoing sleep studies for mothers and babies as well as advocating for safe sleep recommendations.
So when you are tired and awake because you are waiting for your baby to fall asleep in the next room. Peruse a few of these interesting resources you may be surprised by what you find.
Sleep training, cry it out, gentle sleep solutions.......Sleep solutions? Sleep or lack there of during the years that we parent is not something that needs to be solved. It is what it is. Babies wake frequently, get over it!!! Yep that was harsh.
What I really mean is....this too shall pass. Many mothers find that they will get sleep again. Infact many mothers of infants find they get sleep just fine when they follow their instincts and the practice of many many mothers before them, tending to their babies at night. Sleep 'problems' are not even a universal world wide parenting issue. There are cultures that would look at a North American parent sideways with mention of sleep deprivation. Baby sleep patterns: A guide for the science-minded parent by Gwen Dewar PhD lists other cultures where babies are not expected to have solitary sleep and discusses the myth of 'sleeping through the night'.
Jan Hunt of The Natural Child Project has compiled a wonderful list of sleep articles by numerous authors including James J McKenna of the Mother-Baby Behavioural Sleep institute. James J McKenna has been instrumental in ongoing sleep studies for mothers and babies as well as advocating for safe sleep recommendations.
So when you are tired and awake because you are waiting for your baby to fall asleep in the next room. Peruse a few of these interesting resources you may be surprised by what you find.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Music to my ears
Practice, practice, practice....makes perfect. When it comes to music lessons practicing is expected to be the largest part of the experience. Two of the boys take guitar lessons. One has been involved for two years and the other since this past September. They love going to their lesson each week. They love showing any guests we have their new mad skills. They do not love practicing. It is a chore. It takes longer to convince them that it is time to practice than the actual amount of practicing that goes on.
From the outset I did not want to be the practice police. I don't want to set up unnecessary battles, they seem to surface just fine on their own. For the first while I suggested practicing, encouraged it even but I refused to fight over it. My thoughts were that I was providing the opportunity and it was up to them to do with it what they would.
I am certain to hear the argument that they don't know how grateful they will be to have the musical skill set later on. Maybe some feel that children have to do things in life that they don't enjoy so now is the time for them to get used to it. I have definitely heard that without the practice they will not see progress and it will be discouraging. I am not going to discount any of those points and have even had them cross my own mind a time or two.
I see it differently. With enforced practice they could and most likely would get better at it. Will they really come to love music? Maybe. I don't think the love of music will come because of the enforcement but rather inspite of it. I value the arts and very much value the skill set that comes with musical knowledge. I love to hear the boys playing the few songs they do know. It is music to my ears. I want them to practice. I want them to practice. Let's be real, it is not my desire that will put a love of an instrument in their heart. In fact letting my desire for them to excel at music be known could have the opposite effect. I am not going to lie, I do want them to excel at music. I just don't want that as much as I want them to want to enjoy music. So I don't make them practice. I drive them each week and we are happy to pay each week. Well I am not happy about it but I certainly feel that their music instructor's time and energy is valuable and we are willing to pay.
Recently I began to sense that the instructor was feeling frustrated with the lack of progress. I allowed myself to feed off that energy and began to feel stress around the issue, so much so that I began to wonder if we were wasting his time. That set me wondering if the $40 each week that came out of our pockets was just burned money. In a time of frustration I told the boys that if they were not interested in taking the lessons seriously then we were not interested in continuing to pay for the lessons. They were not happy to say the least and there were some tears. There was an increase in practices by one child and the other just basically thought "why does it matter now? I am not getting to go anymore anyway" and chose not to practice. I didn't feel good about either outcome. One child gave up and the other was bullied into practicing.
"Take the lessons more seriously?" Yes I actually said that despite my previous feelings of letting their love grow intrinsically. What indication had they given me that they were not taking it seriously? They got ready each week, they never complained about getting ready to go and make the 1/2 hour drive back and forth. They sat quietly and worked on various drawing projects while one was in the lesson What I should have done was talk things over with the instructor sooner. Nothing they did said they didn't take the lessons seriously.
Today I sat down with their instructor and we worked some things out. Turned out that there is outside pressure on him to have measurable progress in his students. We talked about what we wanted out of the time they spend with him and discussed the idea that success and progress measurement can be subjective. To one it may be that the specific musical skill grows, to another it may be that the love of music grows or a sense of individuality and self expression through musical pursuits. In talking I think we are back on the same page. The boys really like this guy and Chris and I appreciate what he brings to their lives. They are being exposed to a young man, who is positive, up beat, friendly, approachable, talented, and artistic. We have chosen him to mentor our boys in music. If they come away from it being able to play guitar, or drums or piano great, if they come away from it feeling good about themselves, appreciating the relationship they have developed with their instructor and a deeper sense of self through music then FANTASTIC! That is music to my ears!
From the outset I did not want to be the practice police. I don't want to set up unnecessary battles, they seem to surface just fine on their own. For the first while I suggested practicing, encouraged it even but I refused to fight over it. My thoughts were that I was providing the opportunity and it was up to them to do with it what they would.
I am certain to hear the argument that they don't know how grateful they will be to have the musical skill set later on. Maybe some feel that children have to do things in life that they don't enjoy so now is the time for them to get used to it. I have definitely heard that without the practice they will not see progress and it will be discouraging. I am not going to discount any of those points and have even had them cross my own mind a time or two.
I see it differently. With enforced practice they could and most likely would get better at it. Will they really come to love music? Maybe. I don't think the love of music will come because of the enforcement but rather inspite of it. I value the arts and very much value the skill set that comes with musical knowledge. I love to hear the boys playing the few songs they do know. It is music to my ears. I want them to practice. I want them to practice. Let's be real, it is not my desire that will put a love of an instrument in their heart. In fact letting my desire for them to excel at music be known could have the opposite effect. I am not going to lie, I do want them to excel at music. I just don't want that as much as I want them to want to enjoy music. So I don't make them practice. I drive them each week and we are happy to pay each week. Well I am not happy about it but I certainly feel that their music instructor's time and energy is valuable and we are willing to pay.
Recently I began to sense that the instructor was feeling frustrated with the lack of progress. I allowed myself to feed off that energy and began to feel stress around the issue, so much so that I began to wonder if we were wasting his time. That set me wondering if the $40 each week that came out of our pockets was just burned money. In a time of frustration I told the boys that if they were not interested in taking the lessons seriously then we were not interested in continuing to pay for the lessons. They were not happy to say the least and there were some tears. There was an increase in practices by one child and the other just basically thought "why does it matter now? I am not getting to go anymore anyway" and chose not to practice. I didn't feel good about either outcome. One child gave up and the other was bullied into practicing.
"Take the lessons more seriously?" Yes I actually said that despite my previous feelings of letting their love grow intrinsically. What indication had they given me that they were not taking it seriously? They got ready each week, they never complained about getting ready to go and make the 1/2 hour drive back and forth. They sat quietly and worked on various drawing projects while one was in the lesson What I should have done was talk things over with the instructor sooner. Nothing they did said they didn't take the lessons seriously.
Today I sat down with their instructor and we worked some things out. Turned out that there is outside pressure on him to have measurable progress in his students. We talked about what we wanted out of the time they spend with him and discussed the idea that success and progress measurement can be subjective. To one it may be that the specific musical skill grows, to another it may be that the love of music grows or a sense of individuality and self expression through musical pursuits. In talking I think we are back on the same page. The boys really like this guy and Chris and I appreciate what he brings to their lives. They are being exposed to a young man, who is positive, up beat, friendly, approachable, talented, and artistic. We have chosen him to mentor our boys in music. If they come away from it being able to play guitar, or drums or piano great, if they come away from it feeling good about themselves, appreciating the relationship they have developed with their instructor and a deeper sense of self through music then FANTASTIC! That is music to my ears!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sick and the City
Hitting the big city means theatre plays, coffee houses, art galleries, subway rides, street artists...........or staying way laid up in a hotel room (a very tiny hotel room) with three very sick kids. Maybe we should have stayed home?
No. What could we have done differently at home, but stay in our regular beds, in our regular surroundings being sick. The visit to this metropolis makes the sick experience more exciting, more urban. That and it really is nice to have my husband come in from his training course and give us an empathetic smile during his breaks. At home I would have been by myself in the house for 3 days with 3 coughing, fevered children and two big dogs (ours and the extra one next door that we would be dog sitting).
We did get out some yesterday to ride the subway, visit with my cousin, go to a bookstore, eat our favourite burritos at Chipolte Mexican Grill but it was pretty apparent that the boys really just needed to be under the covers and resting their poor heads. So much for utilizing this opportunity to expose them to the culture and arts this trip was going to include. They have been on the bed most of the time sleeping or playing their hand held video games or watching the tv (thank goodness they like reno shows :D)
Although........my cousin does have his own hip hop/rap recording company so they were exposed to people that deal in the arts and there is no way to avoid the culture of our province's capital when you are out and about and riding the subway. Not a complete bust. If we can only make to Potted Potter tonight it may even be considered a success.
No. What could we have done differently at home, but stay in our regular beds, in our regular surroundings being sick. The visit to this metropolis makes the sick experience more exciting, more urban. That and it really is nice to have my husband come in from his training course and give us an empathetic smile during his breaks. At home I would have been by myself in the house for 3 days with 3 coughing, fevered children and two big dogs (ours and the extra one next door that we would be dog sitting).
We did get out some yesterday to ride the subway, visit with my cousin, go to a bookstore, eat our favourite burritos at Chipolte Mexican Grill but it was pretty apparent that the boys really just needed to be under the covers and resting their poor heads. So much for utilizing this opportunity to expose them to the culture and arts this trip was going to include. They have been on the bed most of the time sleeping or playing their hand held video games or watching the tv (thank goodness they like reno shows :D)
Although........my cousin does have his own hip hop/rap recording company so they were exposed to people that deal in the arts and there is no way to avoid the culture of our province's capital when you are out and about and riding the subway. Not a complete bust. If we can only make to Potted Potter tonight it may even be considered a success.
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